>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT WAS GOOD.
THAT WAS GREAT.
VERY NICE.
FOLKS, HAVE A SEAT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FOLKS.
I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT'S SHOW BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TOLD --
IS THIS TRUE -- THAT TONIGHT'S SHOW WILL HAVE COMMERCIALS.
THERE WILL BE FIVE OR SIX COMMERCIAL BREAKS DURING
TONIGHT'S SHOW WHICH IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE SHOW.
I'M A HUGE FAN OF THE COMMERCIALS.
IF YOU DON'T WATCH THE COMMERCIALS, YOU'RE STEALING.
THAT'S HOW WE PAY FOR THE SHOWS.
I PERSONALLY LOVE THE SHORES.
I TUNE IN FOR THE GOOD ONES.
ESPECIALLY I LOVE THE JINGLES.
THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE SONGS.
BUT INSTEAD OF PLUMBING THE DEPTHS OF HUMAN EMOTIONS THEY'RE
ABOUT POAT T POTATO CHIPS AND DEODORANT.
BY MEAN "BY MENNEN" IS MY "BLOWIN'
IN THE WIND."
FOR THE BASIS OF THIS PREMISE TRUE FACT, JING ALSO MAY SOUND
LIKE MEANINGLESS SONGS DESIGNED TO SELL YOU A PRODUCT BUT THAT'S
BECAUSE COMMERCIALS ARE SO SHORT THAT OFTEN YOU ONLY GET TO HEAR
THE FIRST VERSE OR LINE OF A JINGLE.
WHEN YOU HEAR THE FULL VERSIONS YOU REALIZE HOW COMPLEX AND
MOVING THEY CAN BE.
TONIGHT I WILL UNVEIL THE FULL VERSION OF FAMOUS COMMERCIAL
JING ALSO ON OUR LONG RUNNING SEGMENT CALLED JINGLE MORE OF
THE WAY.
>> JINGLE MORE OF THE WAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, I'M SO EXCITED.
HERE TO HELP ME IS MY CLOSE, PERSONAL GUY I MET THREE TIMES,
JACK WHITE, EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JACK!
JACK!
PLEASE.
JACK WHITE, COME ON, MAN!
ABSOLUTELY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I'M KIDDING OBVIOUSLY, EARLIER.
WE'RE FRIENDS, RIGHT?
>> BEEN FRIENDS FOR WEEKS.
>> Stephen: NOW I'M NOT TELLING TALES WHEN I SAY YOU'RE
AS BIG A FAN OF COMMERCIALS AS I AM.
>> VERY MUCH SO.
>> Stephen: YOUR LATEST ALBUM BOARDING HOUSE RIGHT THERE, IT'S
AMAZING.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
I'VE GOT TO SAY, SPEAKING OF COMMERCIALS, I HEAR HEAVY BAGEL
BITES THEME INFLUENCE GOING ON IN HERE.
>> YES.
IT WAS ROBERT JOHNSON WHO WAS THE FIRST TO SAY THAT WHEN PISA
IS -- PIZZA IS ON A BAGEL, YOU CAN HAVE PIZZA ANYTIME.
>> IT'S SO TRUE.
IT'S TRUE TODAY.
>> AS IT WAS IN THE '30s.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
YOU KNOW, ARE YOU READY?
>> THANKS FOR HAVING PE.
>> Stephen: OH, NO, NO, YOU -- WE HAVEN'T DONE THE JOKES YET,
JACK.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU READY TO HELP ME JINGLE MORE OF THE WAY?
>> YES, I HEARD YOUR ASK AND I'M HERE TO HELP YOU.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST ONE.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THE BAND-AID THEME, RIGHT?
I'M STUCK ON BAND-AID, BAND-AID'S STUCK ON ME.
KNOW THAT ONE?
THERE'S MORE TO THAT.
>> A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE EXTRA VERSES.
>> Stephen: JOHN, DO YOU KNOW THAT ONE?
I'LL JOIN YOU, JACK.
♪ I AM STUCK ON THAT'S A STORY.
>> THAT'S A TRUE STORY.
>> Stephen: THAT IS.
THAT'S BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
>> YEAH.
A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW AT THAT TIME.
YOU HEAR THE FIRST PART, BUY THE BAND AIDS, NEVER THINK ABOUT HOW
THE SONG ENDED.
>> Stephen: WHY WERE WE BOTH IN THE SAME HOT TUB?
WAS THERE ANYONE ELSE IN THERE WITH US?
>> WHO WAS CUT?
>> Stephen: WHERE WAS THE BAND-AID ON THE PERSON'S BODY?
IT ASKS MORE QUESTIONS THAN IT ANSWERS.
>> LIKE ALL THE GREATEST ART.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
BUT THERE ARE OTHER COMMERCIALS, JACK.
>> THERE ARE?
>> Stephen: THERE ARE.
MORE TIME?
>> LOTS OF TIME.
>> Stephen: GREAT, GOOD.
THIS ONE, OF COURSE, FOLGERS, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT,.
♪ BEST PART OF WAKING UP >> Stephen: 80% OF THE WORLD
DRINKS INSTANT COFFEE?
I'M INTERESTED WHICH PARTICULAR ORIFICE YOU YANKED THAT OUT OF
NOW.
>> LOOK IT UP.
I MIGHT BE A COUPLE PERCENTAGE POINTS OFF.
>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE ONLY LIE AGO LITTLE IS WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU DRINK THE FOLGERS?
I WILL DRINK ANYTHING THAT'S HANDED TO ME.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT THERE'S MORE,
JACK.
I SUSPECT THERE'S MORE.
>> WHY DO YOU HAVE IT UNDER YOUR TABLE?
ARE YOU THAT AFRAID OF YOUR GUESTS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NO!
I HAVE SIMPLE PHARMACEUTICALS.
I HAVE THAT AND THAT.
I HAVE THIS IN CASE I'VE GOT A COLD.
AND I HAVE THIS IN CASE THE BID ISN'T GOING WELL.
MMM.
BUT THERE'S MORE TO THE FOLGERS AD, ISN'T THERE, JACK?
>> SURE IS.
(
AGAIN WAS THE POLITE VERSION, BUT THERE WAS ONE MORE LINE.
>> Stephen: THERE WAS ONE MORE LINE?
>> YEAH.
YOU COULD DO IT REALLY SLOW FOR ME, JOHN?
>> THERE IS REASONS WHY YOU CUT THAT OUT OF A COMMERCIAL.
YOU'RE TRYING TO SELL A PRODUCT AND MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY.
THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.
>> Stephen: THEY DON'T.
WE NEVER NEEDED TO HEAR THAT LINE.
GLAD WE DID, JACK.
>> 80% OF THE WORLD.
>> Stephen: BUT, OBVIOUSLY -- ARE THERE MORE COMMERCIALS,
STEPHAN?
>> Stephen: THERE'S ONE COMMERCIAL WE'RE GOING TO MISS
THE MOST AND THAT'S THE TOYS 'R' US.
>> OH, THAT'S SAD.
>> Stephen: EVERYBODY LOVED THIS SONG.
>> DO YOU MIND IF I DO THE FIRST VERSE ON THIS ONE?
BECAUSE THIS IS AN INSTITUTION.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO TOYS 'R' US WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER?
>> DEFINITELY I DID.
IN DETROIT, THAT'S THE FIRST PLACE WE STOLE THINGS FROM.
( LAUGHTER ) (
>> Stephen: JACK WHITE, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!