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>> It's a feeling of sadness, of overwhelmed,
of poor me or even wanting to give up
or don't wanna participate, don't wanna go anywhere.
Things that your normally do
and you don't wanna do it anymore.
>> I also was starting to experience panic attacks.
And I'd feel a sense coming over me
that I could pass out.
>> So I think of depression as a pervasive
and sustained change in mood.
So the pervasive part is that it colors your whole life.
It colors your interactions with people at work, at home,
when you're by yourself, and sustained means
that it's there when you wake up in the morning.
It's there when you go to bed at night,
and it's there for weeks or even months at a time.
>> Substance abuse just went hand in hand between
with discomfort and anxiety and depression.
Self deprecating, self loathing feelings I think
have been pretty deeply ingrained in me for a long time.
>> It was very frightening.
My mom's symptoms were unbalancedness.
She might fall up the steps or fall down the steps.
I remember driving with her, her reaction was off.
So the stop sign could be here,
she would stop a little bit further out of the stop sign.
So it was a little scary.
>> Depression is really a bad news good news story.
The bad news is it's a terrible illness.
It can cripple, it can kill.
The good news is it's a highly treatable condition.
There's reason for hope if you're depressed.
>> When you're in a deep depression
you may not think that you deserve to feel better,
and so it may take some of your life to recognize
that you're not doing well to kind of push you
to get up and get the help.
But certainly it is treatable.
We have medications to treat it.
We have psychotherapy, as I mentioned.
The thorough evaluation is important,
asking a lot of questions, taking a good history
to find out what is the cause of depression.
>> About 1/2 of all people respond to the first medication
that they're trying on, but sometimes it takes trying
a couple of medications.
If you don't respond after many medication trials
usually it's three to five medication trials
then you start looking at other treatment options.
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>> There was a big thing about stigma.
I think that was also one of the things
that we didn't share freely with everyone.
It's just that you think it's your own personal story
and no one else can understand.
People will look at your totally different.
>> I am somebody who is very involved with my church
and faith is absolutely a driving factor
in a lot of things that I do.
And this did not at all feel like one of those things
that if I keep praying about it,
somehow a solution will appear
or some higher being will come and help me with this.
There's more to this than what I've been taught
or what I've been told,
and that was a big ah-ha moment for me.
>> Stigma is the ultimate piece of why
the African-American church still in its own faith
frowns on those that have mental illness.
And it's not really well dealt with.
And it's something that we really need
to pay a lot of attention to.
How are we doing at this point in time?
>> It's from the faith perspective
that understands that when we share what is at our depth,
when we share what is troubling us,
when we call out and ask for help
from those that we're close to
and from our community of support,
that is not a sign of a lack of faith,
but actually it's a sign of a deep faith
in trusting that community to be able
to provide the support and trusting those
who are close to us to be able to provide that support.
>> And when I got to the place where the medication
started balancing me out I got a chance
to hear things and see clearer.
Then the therapy kicked in and the balance and the clarity
and the hearing and the thinking
allowed me to see the results.
>> It was like kind of awkward at first
because I was kind of resistant of therapy
for a long time before that, but after like two sessions
it was like, yeah, no, I needed this.
This is great.
>> I found out from going to those classes
that it had to be me that wanted to get better.
It had to be me.
The first medication made me very weak and nauseated.
So we kept trying different things
until I started to feel better.
It didn't happen overnight.
>> Things got better every time I surrendered
in another level.
Every time I stopped fighting every time
I trusted that people were trying to help me.
I trusted that I couldn't handle all of this on my own.
And sort of accepted that I really needed
to tackle everything now and take it seriously.
>> I'm absolutely one of those people who,
when I feel better sometimes I stop taking my medication
and that's something that I can admit
because I think that people need to recognize
that that is a real thing, not that it's a good thing,
but it happens and it's easy to fall into that pattern.
And so some of that transition between psychiatrists
has been because of me.
Some of it has been because of disagreements
in the way I'm being treated,
but having a therapist who pushes me
to always find someone new or make sure
that I'm staying on top of that has bene very helpful.
>> I have that great sense of hope
because I see the stories of people's lives every day.
And those stories of hope of people
who have gone to the depths and experienced depression,
of people who have faced terrible addictions and that
has brought them to a terribly low place in their life,
but now to see them flourishing and actually to see
what they've learned through that process,
I think those are the greatest signs of hope
in every faith community.
And I think it's a great sign of encouragement
that we know the support is there.
We know the healing is there, and it's awaiting those
who just need to walk through that door.
>> Even today sometimes with life, just life
I kinda get sad and down and out,
but I have tools now that I use
that I learned when I went to the outpatient hospital.
And I can use those tools and they work for me.
>> That's what keeps me going, knowing that I have potential
and that there are things that get in the way of that
at times, but I want to overcome those things
and be the person to say, I have depression
and I have anxiety but that didn't stop me from doing XYZ.
>> For a while I did feel like being depressed,
like that felt like my normal.
Like I'd wake up, be depressed,
and be like, yeah, this is life.
But now I wake up feeling OK and ready to do things
and be productive, and that feels good in itself.
>> I feel like I have enough coping skills
and I know what I need to do.
I feel I will never again feel as bad as I did.
>> I'm going back and finishing college.
I might have a really great job I'm excited about.
I have way deeper relationships with everyone in my life.
But it's also, I get a lot of satisfaction
from showing up to be of service to other people.
Being depressed or drinking or using,
I spent most of my time kind of trapped in wallowing
in myself, and I get a surprising amount of pleasure
from just being able to actually show up for other people.
It's like a very new experience for me.
>> If I can just reach one person for them to understand
that this is not a story for just one person.
This story affects so many people.
If you don't have a person in your family
you know of a person who has a family member.
I just want them to look at it
a little differently and just understand,
it is just like another illness, diabetes.
The worst thing that you can do
is go through this by yourself.
>> I think there's a reluctance among most people
to ask somebody about their health,
and especially their mental health.
So I think that we need to give ourselves permission
to reach out and help others.
I think it's at least nine times out of 10 appreciated.
And often it plays a critical role.
>> There has to be an ongoing clarion call
for the faith communities to come together
and really know and understand their role, our role
in depression and mental health.
>> The challenges in life allowed me to face 'em
and get through them so I can see that life does get better.
(laughs) That's the thorn that challenges the thorn.
And the outcome of getting through it is the rose.
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