- [Announcer] Welcome back to "I'm Barly."
- Bad news, Gareth.
We can't film our web series after school today.
We have detention again because of the pipe bombs
that we built.
- Zoe, why did you blow up the vice principal's office?
- So I wouldn't get sent there anymore, duh Cannoli.
(Gareth groans)
- Ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow.
- Guys, arguing is not gonna get us dates to the homecoming.
And that's like the only thing I care about this week.
- I made this graph of every person in the school
who's eligible to ask you out.
What about Landsburg?
He has a 4.0 and rewards card to Smoothie Hut,
- Landsberg?
He talks through his puppet and he smells like egg.
- Oh Mr. Onions,
no one's ever gonna want to kiss my mouth
with all the blisters in my mouth.
- I sure do.
- Mr. Onions, stop! There's people watching.
- What about Chibby?
- Chibby?
The kid who says his own name and takes off his shirt?
(Chibby screaming)
- He is a human prop and that is allowed.
- Child actors are props. Not people.
- [Announcer] We're gonna come,
come on right back after this break for commercials.
What do you do when everyone in your school
has a song in their heart,
but you just have a kick in your step?
"Dancer @ Sing School,"
this season premiering Friday at eight/seven central.
- I can't believe we got paired together to sing a duet!
You don't even sing!
- Try singing along to this!
(audience laughs)
- Huh? Oh, sorry.
I was thinking about drinking this protein juice.
- Penny, those are bubbles!
- Huh? (Penny burps)
- [Announcer] Find out how the big song
or whatever goes on this season premiere
of "Dancer @ Singer School."
Come on, everyone come on back, to "I'm Barly."
Come on you guys, pee times over.
- My entire house caught on fire last night.
- No way! - It was sick!
Oh shiitake mushrooms!
That's Truck. He's from Sweden.
And he's the quarterback of the bodybuilding team.
- I wouldn't mind forcing him to kiss me at knife point
- Zoe! - Zoe!
- Hey, Barly, I was kind of wondering,
would you maybe want to accompany, me, Truck,
to the- - Oh!
Whoa. Oh my trachea.
- Bazgo! You're not supposed to be at my school.
You're my step cousin and my legal guardian,
because my parents are lost at sea.
Plus you're not legally allowed to be within 50 feet
of a middle school.
- Bazgo, how long have you been hiding up there
in those vents? - Oh, only three days.
I befriended a pigeon up there and I'm trying to get him
to join my Dungeons and Dragons game.
- Bazgo. - Bazgo.
- Barly, you have to see this viral video
of your web series.
I've been watching all the kids watch it
through the air vents.
- [Barly] I eat salad with my feet.
My feet are forks for me.
No utensils just my big feet.
- What? I don't eat salad with my feet!
Who did this!
- Come on, Truck.
You don't want to go to the dance
with somebody who eats salad with their feet.
- No, no! Truck, Truck come back!
Oh no. What am I gonna do?
- Oh, I know how to fix this. - What?
- Triple homicide, what what! (laughs)
- Whoa, I think I hear that handsome Pigeon again.
Gerald, come back!
- That's not a pigeon. Those are voices in his head.
He's very ill and endangers me, a child, regularly,
but at least it beats having absentee parents.
- Hi, I'm Shane Todd from one episode of iCarly,
and I'm hosting this year's Kid's Choice Awards.
And guess what? Someone's gonna get slimed-
(Shane yelling)
Ah, it's hot! It's really hot!
They don't tell you that it's hot!
Ow! Ow, ow, ow! (Shane yelling)
Okay, I think I'm okay.
(Shane yells)
- [Announcer] Hey kids, we're far enough into the show
that your parents aren't watching.
So now it's time to advertise Fart Ass!
He's Fart Ass and he's (beep) gross, man.
You're seven years old.
So this (beep) like really funny to you.
All you gotta do is like squeeze his stomach,
and you make a fart come out.
(beep) you!
- My friends at school don't make fun of me anymore
'cause I have Fart Ass. (laughs)
- [Announcer] And for just a monthly supsupscription
of $9.99, you can also get the Fart Truck.
The only truck that farts real blood!
Fart Ass. Fart Truck.
Now we're gonna turn on, right on back
to "I'm Barly," more like I'm barley awake.
Can you believe they rebooted this (beep).
- How did everyone print these fliers out so fast?
And why is there hummus on them?
Mrs. Clipski,
the teacher who eats hummus out of a jar with her hands?
Did you doctor that video?
- So what if I did?
That's what you get for having a hot legal guardian
who won't kiss me!
- How is that my fault?
- Good luck finding a date to the dance, Barly. (laughs)
No one wants a girl who eats salad with her feet.
- Who cares if Barly eats salad with her feet?
I, Landsburg Crockbottom have three rows of teeth.
- And I, Mr. Onions, am physically attracted to bugs
and people.
- Yeah, who cares if Barly's weird?
My favorite kind of (speaks in foreign language)
is a (speaks in foreign language).
- I'm Chibby!
And I was told by the adult writers to take my shirt off!
(group cheers)
- Yeah! - Oh (beep).
- Whoa, whoa. Yeah.
We're all quirky, but that's what makes us different.
- [Group] Barly! Barly!
- Stop it! Shut your mouths! - Barly! Barly!
- Shut your mouths! - Barly! Barly!
- Thanks guys!
Wait, where are Cannoli and Zoe?
They're probably trying to kill each other
in the parking lot again!
Zoe, Cannoli? Kissing?
You guys want each other!
- Yeah, we do.
That makes it even hotter.
- And I caught your confession on tape Clipski!
- No. - Because I record everything
everywhere I go without anyone's consent.
- Cool. (group cheers)
- Drats!
My hummus and I will be cursing the gods in the parking lot
if any of you need me.
- Hey Barly, Mr. Onions has a question.
- Will you go to Homecoming with my older brother?
- No, Landsburg, you still smell like egg.
But I have a better idea.
What if we all go to the dance together as friends?
(group cheers)
- Barly!
- Wow. So this is what middle school is like.
It's just as magical as I thought.
Well, off to the sewers to convince the rats
to play Settlers of Catan with me.
(audience laughs) (upbeat music)
- Guys, arguing is not gonna get us (beep).
(Chibby screaming)
- Zoe, why did you blow up the vice?
- [Producer] Back to one, marker one.
(heavy breathing)
- [Producer] Cut!
- So stupid.
- [Producer] Cut, thank you. Awesome, awesome.
- I, Landman Crockpot of (beep).
I did forget my name. - That's okay, go back,
go back, we'll start with you. - What's my name?
- And I'm Chibby.
And I was told by the adults writers of this show
to take my shirt off.
(group cheers)