-♪ Hashtags ♪
-Some of my favorite #WhyDidISayThat
tweets from you guys.
This first one's from @brigettecwarren.
She says...
"Uh, thank -- thank you." -"I will."
-This next one's from @angelsteve89.
-Aww. -He says...
[ Laughter and applause ]
That makes sense. That makes sense.
-"I thought this was a hobby."
-This one's from @chelsey-alese. She said...
-AJ. -"I thought the 'J' was silent."
-[ Chuckling ] A-Y J-A-Y.
-This one's from @BaysSiegers. She said...
Crazy how stairs work. -Technology.
-Thank you. -Thanks, chief.
-This one's from... This is funny.
It's from @DougWalsh1. He said...
-Ohh! [ Audience ohh's ]
Mistake! Ohh! -[ Laughing ]
-[ Laughs ] -Mood killer right there.
-Ooh, he should not have uddered that.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-No!
There he is. Retiring. Steve Higgins, everybody.
♪♪
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
♪♪
Oh, he's back. Oh, he's back.
You're back. -Oh, yeah, I'm back.
-You're back already? -Everybody was in a bad moo'd.
[ Scattered laughter ]
[ Band plays ] -Bad...
♪♪
-Whoa.
-Man, hey, buddy, welcome back. -It's tough.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -It's rough out there.
Can't hide. Nowhere to hide.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Oh, God.
♪♪
Wait, are you on a --
[ Both chuckling ]
-I milked that for all it was worth.
-I know you did.
No, no, no, no. Stop.
♪♪
-It's Thursday! -I know it is.
-You know, it's America. -I know it.
This one's from @WantPeace4All. -Aww.
-She says...
[ Applause ]
"Do you think I'm cute?"
-"Here you go."
[ Both chuckling ]
"You wish."
-This one's from @Koopgirl. She says...
-Oy! Oy! [ Audience ooh's ]
Hey, ho!
[ Band plays funky music ]
Oh! -This one is from @Hrbngr.
He says...
When is this going to end? -"You're not hired."
-This one's from @DRock0708. She says...
[ Laughter ]
"I was being honest." -Yeah, "I'm being honest."
-[ Laughs ] -"It's my fault." [ Laughs ]
-"Because I'm a jerk?"
Alright, cool. Alright man. Take care.
-This one is from...
Oh, this is great. He's a teacher.
It's from @BenHerrick727. He says...
-Oy! -[ Laughs ]
-Oh!
[ Chuckling ] Oh!
-Cover your "A" holes.
[ Both laugh ]
-This last one is cute.
This is from @CheVersacee. She says...
[ Laughter and applause ]
There you have it. Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites, go to...
-♪ Hashtags ♪
♪♪
-Now I thought I'd share
some of my favorite #WeddingFails from you guys.
This first one is from @JWiederspan.
-Yeah. -She says...
-Oh! Ohh! [ Laughter ]
-Wow! That is awful.
-Oh, my God. -That is a nightmare.
"This song's a little bit out of my range,
but I'm gonna try it, anyway."
[ Voice cracking ] ♪ All by myself ♪
-Father and daughter dance.
-I remember one time at a wedding --
My friend Rob and Denise, family friends,
we went to his wedding. My mom
always would get in trouble wherever we went.
She was just a magnet for making trouble.
And she kind of had like bad knees or something,
so she kind of walked a little bit kind of like Ozzy Osbourne.
We went to this wedding, and we're at the reception.
They're about to announce the wedding party,
you know, and then, the bride and groom. Mom goes --
[ As Gloria ] I got to go to the bathroom.
I go, "Don't do it now.
Why would you do it now?
Wait till they introduce everybody.
Just hold it for 10 minutes and then go." She goes --
[ As Gloria ] I got to go now.
I go, "God. Alright, just do it quick
because they haven't introduced."
She goes, "Okay." So she's walking to the bathroom
and I'm like, "Ah, man, there's no way
she's gonna make it.
She's in there, and me and my dad
are waiting for her to come out,
and all of a sudden they started putting a smoke machine.
So, this is a nightmare for my mother.
This is like she's gonna come out of the bathroom like,
"What happened?"
So, smoke machine, laser beams, like --
[ As deejay ] Alright, everybody,
put your hands together.
We're gonna get this party started.
Give it up for the bridesmaid!
Give it up for he best man!"
And then they go, "Here they are,
the husband and wife,
Robert and Denise Daniel,"
and my mom comes walking through the fog.
[ As Gloria ] What in the -- I'm like, "Gloria! Mom!
Get over here!"
-[ Laughing ]
-Unbelievable person.
-"The toilet broke."
-She had like no idea where she was,
like, "What is happening?" Laser beams.
Alright, this one is from @yourbizsucks.
-Ooh, wow. -Wow.
-He says...
-Oh, snap!
-"He was not happy." -Oh!
-[ Laughs ] -Oh!
-I think that's funny. -Round two.
Three's a charm. -This one is
from @Patrick-Neville. He says...
Look at this photo.
[ Laughing ] Oh, my God. -Oh, my God.
-In shock. He's like -- -A ghost?!
-Wow.
This one's from @sdsmith987. She says...
-Oh! -Wow.
Strong move on the mother-in-law.
Strong move. -"That they would like."
-Yeah. "This is something we like."
-"We like to eat food we like.
I mean, you can eat your garbage food."
-This one's from @lifealertme. He says...
Look at the photo. -Wow! Oh!
-Wow!
I hope that... [ Laughs ]
...that was underwear we saw. -Yeah, yeah.
-This one's from @Beer-Stat. He says...
[ Laughing ] -[ Moos, laughs ]
-Well, the beauty of nature.
-[ Both shouting as cow ]
-Do you take -- [ Loud groaning moo ]
-Ohh, God!
-"Push, Bessy, push!"
[ Lows ] -"Push, Bessy." Oh, my God.
[ Laughing ]
-[ Loud groaning moo ]
-Thank goodness we did those Lamaze classes.
This one's from @aacampisi. She says...
Look at this. -Oh!
[ Rimshot ]
-I love the claps in there.
"In the exact same dress!"
[ Both laugh ]
That's pretty classic.
This one's called @IamIshIsh1.
She says...
-Oh. Oh!
-A fish head.
-A fish head. Oh, God. -Oh, my God.
-This one is classic.
This one's from @AmyPennza. She says...
Look at this. She wore a wedding dress!
-Oh!
-Come on! -Come on! Come on!
That is unbelievable!
There you have it. Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites, go to...
-♪ Hashtags ♪
♪♪
-So now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
#MyWeirdSecret tweets from you guys.
Here we go. This first one's
from @ratchel78. She says...
[ Laughter ] -Aw.
-"It's not you, shampoo. It's me."
[ Laughter ]
This one's from @lindsspace. She says...
-Ohh...
-That's very nice. That's thoughtful.
-It's sweet. -That's right. You never know.
-That's just sweet. -That's very nice.
This one's from @simontobey. He says...
That happens to me all the time. I'd leave Barnes & Noble,
They got those giant security wall things.
And I'm just leaving. I'm like,
"Did I -- I didn't steal anything."
Of course, I did, but...
just a couple Nooks.
[ Laughter ]
This one's from @marie-[cunicella] "koo-zee-nella"?
Oh, "koo-ni-sella." I apologize. She says...
"We're just gonna let this simmer, right here.
And come over here. We're gonna make a little --
my secret is a little lemon in there."
I do that, too.
Oh, this is great.
This one's from @Penswild87. She says...
[ Awwing ]
I do that with beer, so don't worry about it.
It's fine.
This one's from @EBelindaKeaton. She says...
That's a life hack, right there.
That's fantastic.
I'm going to steal that. -Yeah.
Then, you can also pretend like
you're being broken up with in a movie.
-That's true.
This one's from @jenball10.
She says...
[ Laughter ]
I mean, why not? They're real families.
-Yeah, come on. They're real families.
-Survey says, "That's creepy."
Survey says, "That's creepy."
I would like that. See some family photos of them.
-Yeah.
-This one's from @asencio-ryan.
He says...
[ Laughter ]
"You have high cholesterol."
"I'd like to order three more pizzas."
This one's from @richandcorey.
He says...
That's sad. That is just sad.
This last one, here, is from @Stephy-steph25.
She says...
I got you, there. There you have it.
Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites, go to...