♪♪
[ Carnival music playing ]
♪♪
-Good morning.
Welcome to the Mickey's Breakfast Jamboree.
My name is Billiam, and I'll be serving you today.
You guys here on a special occasion?
-Well, we're here on that new Magical Gatherings
family package.
Got the whole Matusic clan down here from Ohio!
Right guys? Say "hi." -Hi!
-Well, great.
Let me tell you Mickey's specials today.
We've got steak and eggs served with some home fries
and Mickey waffles. -Whoo!
I love me some steak and eggs!
-Ever since they found mad cow disease in the U.S.,
I'm not taking any chances.
It can live in your body for years before it ravages
your brain.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ You're enjoying your day ♪
♪ Everything's going your way ♪
♪ Then along comes ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
♪ Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease ♪
♪ A car accident or killer bees ♪
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, please!"
♪ But you can't stop ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
-Well, we did it, gang. We pulled off --
a family reunion at Disney.
I don't know about you guys, but the first thing I'm gonna do is
I'm gonna ride that haunted elevator thingy!
It drops you straight down.
-This is my dream come true. I mean, I'm totally serious.
Tigger hugged me at the door, and I thought I was gonna cry.
-Aww.
-I guess Roy isn't doing
as well as they first thought.
-What? Who's Roy?
-Roy of Siegfried & Roy.
He was attacked by his own tiger
and suffered devastating injuries.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-So, hey, who wants to go on Space Mountain with me?
-Me! Yeah! [ Cheering ]
-I want to see the Country Bear Jamboree!
-Ooh! -I want to go to every country
in Epcot, and greet them in their own native language.
Hola! Konichiwa!
-Did you guys hear about that train explosion in North Korea?
[ Horn wahs ]
The media is so sensitive there -- so secretive.
[ Laughter ]
We may never know how many people perished.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Who's ready for Mickey waffles?
-Oh, me, me, me, me, me, me.
-Oh, yay.
-Oh, my God.
I just made eye contact with Pluto,
and he's coming over here.
-Pluto! -Pluto!
-Pluto! -Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I'm hugging Pluto. I'm in Disney World,
and I'm hugging Pluto!
Somebody take a picture.
-I want to be in it. I want --
I want to be in this one.
-Well, you guys, Disney World really is fun.
Makes me feel like a kid again.
I mean the time before my two-year stint at Children's.
[ Horn wah-wah-wahs ]
Oh. Hey. Hey, Pluto, hi.
Boy, it must be fun to work here.
Although the biggest drawback working in a theme park
is that you must live under constant fear
of deadly terrorist attacks.
[ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ]
-Pluto!
Pluto, wait. Where you going?
-With that costume on, he's probably
in the early stages of heatstroke.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
Speaking of -- Speaking of --
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Speaking of heat, if this greenhouse effect keeps up,
we'll all be living under water.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
By the way --
By the way, it's official.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I can't have children.
[ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You know what, Debbie?
You are totally ruining my trip to Disney!
I didn't say a word during "It's a Small World"
when you talked about low birth weight
or during the fireworks, when you went on --
when you went about about feline AIDS.
-It's the number-one killer of domestic cats.
[ Cats meows ]
-I can't take it!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-So, after this, we'll hit the park, guys?
-Yeah.
-Slather up the sunscreen.
I had a mole looked at recently.
The doctor told me that due to the extent
of its irregular borders, I'm flirting with a melanoma.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
You guys go ahead.
I'll meet you at my favorite ride --
the Hall of Presidents.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ No, you can't stop Debbie Downer ♪
-They never did catch that anthrax guy.
[ Projector clicking ]
-♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
-Make a wish!
-Yay!
-Hey, what did you wish for?
-I can't tell you. It won't come true.
-I bet he wished for that new Mustang GT he wants.
-[Laughs ] Ah, he should have wished for better golf scores.
-Oh! Ah...
-If I had a wish, I wish that they'd release
that poor hostage in Iraq.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ You're enjoying your day ♪
♪ Everything's going your way ♪
♪ Then along comes ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
♪ Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease ♪
♪ A car accident or killer bees ♪
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, please!"
♪ But you can't stop ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
-[ Chuckles ] -All right, who wants cake?
-I want some, I want some. -All right, you get some cake.
-Oh, give me a rose. -None for me.
With all the refined sugars we're eating,
America's experiencing a virtual epidemic
of juvenile diabetes.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Guys, I wanna say something.
It really means the world to have all my family here
for my birthday.
I especially want to thank Uncle Frank
for flying all the way in from North Carolina.
Uncle Frank!
-Good thing Jeanne's out of the picture.
-Jeanne? Who's Jeanne?
-Hurricane Jeanne...
[ Horn wahs ]
...the latest in a string of deadly storms
that left thousands of Floridians homeless.
They're still counting the fatalities in Haiti.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Um, you know what?
Maybe Ronny should open his presents.
-Open your presents, open your presents.
-All right, twist my arm, I'll open my presents.
-First, it was Charley. [ Horn chirps ]
Then Frances. [ Horn chirps ]
Ivan. [ Horn chirps ]
And Jeanne. [ Horn chirps ]
Who knows what tropical storm Karl's got in store?
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-All right. Um, how about my present?
-Oh, your present. Gosh, sorry, sorry.
-Thank you. -Open mine first.
-Sure, I'll open it, open it right up.
-Presents, presents!
-Ohh!
"The Essential Film Guide."
I love it. Thank you so much.
-I haven't been able to read a movie review
since the untimely passing of Siskel.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-Huh.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Anything else for my birthday?
-Open mine there, Ronny. -Oh, let me see.
What could it be? [ Laughter ]
Aw, it's a pretty bow.
This is awesome. I love this.
Thank you so much. -Ah, you know what?
We gotta take that out on the lake.
We gotta go fishing sometime. -We should go Saturday.
-Oh, that sounds fun. -It's a deal.
-I like it. -Oh, count me out, guys.
Doctor said if I don't cut down on my consumption of fish,
my mercury level will reach toxic proportions.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Hey, Teresa, what did you get your sweetie
for his birthday? -We are going
on a 10-day safari to Kenya, right?
-Yeah.
It's really gonna be great. It's gonna be incredible.
-Mm-hmm.
[ Laughter ]
-Steer clear of --
[ Laughter ]
Steer clear of the Sudan.
It makes Fallujah look like Club Med.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-We're not going near the Sudan, Debbie.
-Yeah, we're going to see elephants
in their natural habitat.
-That's cool.
See 'em now.
Populations are dwindling.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Well, it sounds amazing.
-Yeah, it sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime
kind of trip.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm really excited.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughter continues ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey...
[ Laughing ]
-Does anyone have a banana?
-What?
-Well, if I don't get enough potassium every day,
I'll awaken in the middle of the night
by crippling leg cramps.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
By the way, it's official,
they've located my birth mother.
Deceased.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-You know what, Debbie? You're really taking a --
You're taking a real crap on my birthday party.
I completely held my tongue during cocktails
when you showed us your pictures from the Holocaust Museum,
and I didn't say one word during dinner when you went
on and on about feline AIDS.
-It's the number one killer of domestic cats.
-♪ Meow meow ♪
[ Laughter ]
-I need another drink.
-Oh, honey, the party's just starting.
We're taking you dancing. -Yeah.
-Oh, all right, dancing!
-I'll go, but, you guys, I can't stay long.
I've got a big day tomorrow.
The Orkin Man's coming first thing
to scrape up the remains of whatever died in my chimney.
[ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ]
-♪ No, you can't stop Debbie Downer ♪
-Bird flu is even deadlier than SARS.
-Okay, neighbors, I hope you're ready
for my naughty nightie party.
-Whoo!
-We have a lot of hot lingerie to look at,
and a lot of cold Pino Grigio to knock back,
so let's get this party started.
[ Cheering ] -Yeah!
-I want to buy something skimpy.
-You go, Nelva, you go!
-Ladies night! Yes!
-This is a hoot!
-Okay, so first up we have this little lacy nightie.
It's called Midnight Rhapsody. -Ooh!
-Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I heard you were having a lingerie party.
Warning -- I probably won't be purchasing any bras
due to my vastly different cup sizes.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-♪ You're enjoying your day ♪
♪ Everything's going your way ♪
♪ Then along comes ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
♪ Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease ♪
♪ A car accident or killer bees ♪
You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, please!"
♪ But you can't stop ♪
♪ Debbie Downer ♪
-And this is little number is called the Teddy Bare --
B-A-R-E. -Mm!
-Oh, I get it. [ Laughs ]
-Ladies night! Whoo! [ Whooping ]
-And this one is so sexy, your man won't get a wink of sleep.
-Ooh! -Ooh!
-I know what that's like.
-What what's like?
-Well, I have severe sleep apnea.
Doctors are baffled.
Sometimes I wake up upwards of 300 times a night.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-How did she find out about this party?
-I think Nelva told her. -Oh, good going, Nelva.
-Well, we go to the same leg vein clinic.
-You guys are gonna love these. -Ooh.
-They're called Angel Briefs, and they're designed
by Suzanne Somers.
-Do these panties come in bright yellow?
-I'm gonna get a pair of these and put them on tonight.
-Ooh-la-la.
-Make sure to pre-wash all underwear, Linda.
Recent swab studies found you're toying with scores of crab lice
and drug-resistant staph.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
-Could we please get back to the sexy stuff?
[ Cheering, whooping ]
-Are these massage oils? Nice!
-You know, I always want Jim to give me a massage,
but his massages just tickle. [ Laughter ]
-It's flavored massage oil, it's only $15.99,
and this is Harvest Peach. -Ooh.
-Yum. I'd love it if my Tom would cover me in oil.
Mm!
-You know who doesn't love being covered in oil?
Sea birds.
[ Laughter ]
You guys heard about the oil spill, right?
-Yeah. We heard about the oil spill.
-Yep. I guess from now on,
BP will stand for Blight of the Pelican.
[ Bird squawks twice ]
[ Laughter ]
Hmm.
I can taste the sulfites in this wine.
-Oh...good God!
-Okay, well, I also have some really nice...
-You guys know Mandy from two blocks over?
-Yeah, I love her. Why? Is she gonna come over?
-Nope. She died. -[ Gasps ]
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter ]
-What in the hot hell is wrong with you?
We are just a bunch of suburban ladies
trying to booze it up for one night
without our families, and you have to kill
every freakin' buzz we find!
What made you like this? I'm asking. Seriously.
[ Horn wah-wahs, echoes ]
♪♪
-I have so many good wishes.
I bet they'll all come true.
Mmm! Mmm!
Yum! I love cake!
It's like your mouth's at a carnival!
Thanks, Grandma.
-Enjoy it now, kiddo.
Gluten allergies are rampant in our family.
You're going to eventually have to restrict.
[ Horn wah-wahs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
-So my apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Well, I guess we should start trying things on.
Uh, heads up, my bikini line is in a shambles.
[ Laughter ]
Guess I'll rummage through this inventory
and try to find a medical bra.
Hope there's one in gray beige.
Hey, where you guys going?
[ Laughter ]
♪ No, you can't stop Debbie Downer ♪