not to brag but your girl she vaccinated
and she actually went out for brunch
with a friend
crazy i know i'm a party animal living
life on the edge
and you know i feel like we've all been
collectively just dying to socialize
with other humans and
hug our friends and party but what i did
not anticipate is just how hard it was
to socialize again
so this may be a controversial question
but how have you been
you know just reliving the same day
since march hot i know
anything new ah no nope
nothing nothing new at all you same same
i mean you know there's no real news to
report
so
so uh are you dating no i i tried you
know the abs that whole thing but
no why are you still single
i don't know why are you still married
no no i didn't mean it like that i meant
like
how are you still single um well
i guess i'm single because well one
we're in a global pandemic and i can't
meet anybody new um
but also i am trying to intentionally
not get into relationships built on
trauma bonds anymore
so totally totally but i mean like
you're such a catch that it's crazy that
nobody wants me
no no no no no no you know i'm so sorry
i haven't socialized in like a year
so i'm a bit rusty yeah i'm sorry too
totally i get it i
clearly am defensive about this topic
yeah you are
definitely defensive
oh um i saw an instagram that you and
your twin
spoke up about the abuse and the really
toxic set
with james franco uh good for you guys
that's very brave of you
thank you it's just we just thought why
are we protecting him you know totally
so like what did he do exactly like can
you detail
the abuse for me um
i don't really want to talk about that
over on mimosas
yeah yeah that makes sense i'm sorry i'm
sorry i should have known better like
people are always prying into my
sister's suicide and it's like
wait how did she die like what method
did she use oh okay well let me just
relive my trauma at 11am okay ladies
have you decided hey yeah i'll have a
kale solid no dressing side of lemon
water no ice please i'll do the exact
same but can you add avocado put the
dressing on the side and give me an ice
green tea no ice unsweetened
truly my exact order thank you
so you were telling me how your sister
died no i think we moved on from that
when are you and your husband finally
having kids never we don't want kids
you look really skinny did you lose
weight that's not the compliment that
you think it is where are you from
pasadena no like where are you really
from casa
dina how much money do you make not
nearly as much as the internet thinks i
do are you ever self-conscious about
your nose
has anyone ever called you a many
times
this is really hard can we go back to
zooms yeah i'll send you a link in 20
minutes
okay okay it wasn't that awkward but
there was definitely a sense of like
whoa
we have forgotten the nuance of when
it's appropriate to ask
what and it makes sense you know we're
all starving for connection so badly
but the line between curiosity and
wanting to connect versus overstepping
and being insensitive
is a very thin one and my brunch with my
friend made me examine the times in my
life where i have been confronted with
this exact line
like oh my god i remember in the before
time i knew this woman through work
and the last time i had seen her she was
pregnant and then when i ran into her
again at a party
she wasn't so of course i asked
nice to see you oh you do how's the baby
and you know what she just it was clear
what happened in that look but
she didn't know what to say i didn't
know what to say so i just
quickly changed the subject and carried
on
wow so that lakers game the other day
but it made me think about
in those moments how we have two choices
we can ask a question we should keep to
ourselves
did you have a miscarriage or was it an
abortion
which by the way i've read on reddit
that actual women have been asked this
can you believe it
the second option which i think you
should take in which i took is to
take the cue read the room change the
subject and save the other person from
having to explain themselves
obviously this is a very extreme and sad
example but the more that i think about
it
the more that i realize just how many of
these questions
i have gotten over the course of my life
yeah he took advantage of me
i'm so sorry can you tell me the details
of what happened that night and look
context is everything right so what's
inappropriate for one person to ask may
not be for another
pm took advantage of me
i'm so sorry can you tell me the details
about what happened that night
and we're all curious beings there's a
reason we rubberneck every time there's
a car crash
or why murder documentaries are so
popular and melissa watches every single
one of them
oh my god we are drawn to tragedy and
disaster
it's natural and some of the most real
potent stuff that life offers
it's intriguing as hell but you know
what i
really used to think that excavating
trauma was how to cultivate a deep
relationship of any kind and i was i was
someone who would ask these questions
without
necessarily like checking in the vibes
and having awareness of if it was
actually appropriate
like literally the other day i asked
melissa for specific details of her
childhood trauma
and she was like i really don't want to
hash that over
breakfast yep does that a lot
so clearly i'm still learning how to
balance my curiosity
and desire to connect with someone
else's boundaries and the level of
openness
in that moment so you know what i'm
really trying to say is just
good luck to us all as we venture back
out into this world
and see other humans it's probably gonna
be real messy
i'm anna akana and thank you to the
patrons who supported today's video
and thank you as always to daddy
squarespace for sponsoring today's
episode
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