-Normally I bring out my whole family together,
but this year I am going to start with my dad.
All the way from his home in New Hampshire
and his fresh positive COVID test,
please welcome Larry Meyers, everybody!
Give it up for Larry! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Hi. -How are you?
Now, I know you do not have any symptoms.
Are you still feeling okay?
-Yeah, it's kind of like being busted, disgusted, and untrusted
when you -- when you get a positive COVID test.
But there's two good things about it.
Three, I guess.
The first is that I don't have any symptoms,
and the second is that I did test negative today.
So I'm gonna be catching up with you guys over the weekend.
And the most important is that even though
this is like you being in the attic when you did the show,
I don't have to look at the sea captain.
-Yeah, that's true.
You've always been very anti sea captain.
Let's bring some of the sea captain's supporters out.
My mom, Hilary Meyers, and my brother, Josh Meyers!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Alright. So, first of all, cheers, everybody.
-Oh, cheers. -DO you have your drinks?
-Oh, I got a drink right here. -There you go.
Cheers. Lovely to be with you guys.
Happy Thanksgiving. -Happy Thanksgiving.
-And, Mom, be honest.
When Dad said he tested positive,
did you think about staying at home in New Hampshire with him?
-Uh...no.
[ Laughter ]
-Dad, were you surprised how quickly she left?
-Oh, no, not at all.
Actually, any time that I get a little bit under the weather,
the first thing I do is hide the car keys,
because I'm always worried that she'll put me in a home.
[ Laughter ]
-That's very -- That's very wise.
Now, I don't know about you, Josh,
but, you know, when I heard Dad tested positive,
that meant that Mom was going to come here
and get three days with just us in the city.
And when I realized what she was getting out of this,
were you worried like I was that maybe she had poisoned Dad?
-She's had so many opportunities to poison him.
If she has, he just is resilient.
-Yeah. Oh, this might be a situation
where she has been poisoning him for years and years,
but he's just built up... -An immunity to it. Yeah.
-Oh, that would be nice. That'd be a nice family story.
Now, of course, you're not alone, Dad.
You're with your Sheepdog, Albert.
Is Albert good company?
-He's very good company.
He happens to be outside right now,
even though it's dark.
He's so popular and friendly that everybody that comes up --
We live on the top of a hill, on a cul-de-sac.
But every UPS man, garbage man, FedEx guy,
everybody that walks up the hill,
every child that lives on the street
has to stop and play with him and spend some time with them.
So even the fact that some people
might walk at night with their dogs,
he's out there waiting for them right now.
-That's really --
Now, Mom, you shared with us recently your concern
about how much Dad is talking to Albert.
-Well, it's beyond.
-So what's a normal conversation
that you'll hear between Dad and the dog?
-"I love you more than anything.
You're the sweetest --
the sweetest thing I've ever met."
He'll be saying this -- -Within earshot?
-Are you within earshot?
-I'm laying right next to him in bed!
And I reach over.
I think he's talking to me. And I feel Albert's head.
-That must be very jarring.
-It is jarring! It is jarring.
-Now, Josh, you are leaving tomorrow morning
to go back to LA to see --
to celebrate with your girlfriend, Mackenzie,
and your dog, Debbie. -Yeah.
-Now, Debbie is not a purebred dog.
-She's not, no. -But she's very photogenic.
-Yeah.
-Now, where did you come across Debbie?
-We found her on the street. -So she's a rescue.
And not a rescue you got at a shelter.
You were the actual rescuer in this case.
-Yes. Yeah. We found her. Yeah, found her on the street.
-And they both dress up very well.
Here is -- He's Mackenzie and Debbie, who are --
-A couple beauties. -Couple of beauties right there.
Very lucky to have you coming home.
We had a very nice trip this summer.
In August, we went and saw our alma mater,
Northwestern, play in Dublin, Ireland,
and we went to a football game
at a beautiful, I should say, Irish stadium.
But then something happened, Dad,
that was -- It was as if Mom wished it to happen.
-Oh.
-Yeah, this was really something.
There were 43,000 people there,
and it was a no-cash stadium.
So you only could pay for beer or food with a credit card.
And 43,000 people were there for this event.
And the credit-card processor goes down.
So they had no way to accept any credit-card payments.
So they gave everybody free beer.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And I should note, here's a photo you took of mom.
And, Josh, what do you call this technique
that she's doing there? -That is double fisting.
Double fisting. She was offered a beer and she's like,
"Yeah, I'll take one," and it was like,
Well, you still have a beer."
She's like, "Yeah, I'll take one."
-I also should note, looking at this photo,
this is a very good way for me to pose my chin.
I think. I should do that --
I should do that for my next round of headshots.
Now, Josh, is it rare for you
to see your mother double fisting?
Have you ever seen it since?
-Well, funny you should mention that.
As we arrived, there was a soccer game,
the US's first soccer game in the World Cup,
and we had some friends who were at a bar,
and it was an open bar, so I told Mom,
"Do you want to just come straight from the airport
and meet me there?" And she was like, "Yes, I will."
And she got a gin and tonic.
And then there was a nice guy who's like,
"I'm going to the bar. Can I get you something?"
She still had half a gin and tonic,
but she was like, "I'll take a gin and tonic."
There wasn't a long line at the bar,
and he came right back, and I was like,
"Do you want me to put one of those down for you?"
And she said, "No, I'm good."
So this is just from -- That's from Monday.
Double fisting again. -Yeah.
-This is. -Hey. Now, wait a minute.
This is an open bar. -Okay.
-I think that explains it.
-Nobody worries that you're bad with money.
No one's sitting here going like,
"Could she afford two gin and tonics?"
You're missing the whole point here.
-When they're free, I take them.
-Yeah, well, yeah. There you go.
In this economy, you gotta.
-You gotta.
-I will say my favorite --
One of the wonderful things about being in Dublin
was how charming our many taxi drivers were.
And, now, Mom, would you agree that maybe
one of the knocks on you over the years
is that you ask a lot of questions?
-Uh, yeah. -Yeah.
That's a thing that you've been told a lot
by the men in your life, is you ask a lot of questions.
And, you know, we love our mom very much,
and so we try not to be too harsh about the fact
that maybe the incessant questions are a little tiring.
But we got into a taxi in Dublin,
and you slid into the backseat and you said very loud,
loud enough for the cab driver to hear, obviously.
You said, "I have a lot of questions
about what we're doing today!"
And our Dublin cab driver --
This is within 5 seconds of meeting my mom --
said, "I'm gonna tell you what you're gonna do today.
Step one, I'm gonna drop you off at a pub.
Step two, you're gonna stop asking so many "fecking" questions.
[ Laughter ]
He was like an Irish angel.
-Yeah. Shut her down.
-He shut her down with that. You gave him a big laugh.
-I did. I did. -Suddenly he clocked that you
would be the kind of person would enjoy a burn like that.
-Yes. Yes. -Now, Dad,
I know you and Josh golfed a fair amount in Ireland.
And I know you have a story, a golf story.
-I've got an Irish golf story. -Yeah.
-Well, yeah, I -- I definitely --
I have a lot of golf stories, first of all.
And I think that one of the best golf stories I had
was that when we were in Ireland,
I had never seen a golf course before
because every time I went there for business,
I was always in the city.
[ No dialogue ]
-What happened?
[ No dialogue ]
What'd you do? -I muted him.
-What?! -Yeah.
-I can't hear this story again. I've heard it 50 times!
-You're not allowed to mute Dad!
[ Applause ]
-I'm sorry. 52 years. I've had enough.
-I mean, he's having a really good time telling it.
-He really is.
-Now, don't -- You guys have heard this one.
-I don't know. It's kind of more fun
when you just hear his face.
[ Laughter ]
-This is story number 41 on my list.
-You know what? Why don't we let him wrap it up?
We'll take a commercial.
We'll be right back with more from the Meyers family.