DARK SOULLLL– (Dunk Souls, 2013)
Remastered. (Now)
So here we are, back in Dark Souls 1 and t– [scoffs]
Hoo hoo hoo hoo, nah.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Not this time, game. I know all the tricks this time.
Oh, I remember this thing.
He throws the barrel down and it turns on fire.
Yep.
Yep. Yep, and there it is.
Sorry!
Sorry game!
but you're gonna have to do bett–
You know! Every time I come back to this game
I learn something new like, uh,
just now, I figured out that you can kindle the bonfire
to get ten flasks (Estus flasks)
You know, that would have been good to know five years ago.
See? Wow!
I didn't even know tha–that there was an invisible wall here at all–
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
You saw tha– You... motherfu–
[To boss] How about this? I'll make you a deal. [♪ Shenmue: Earth and Sea ♪]
We both take a break and drink from the flask.
Uhh... Go! *laughs*
Fell- Fell for the oldest trick in the book!
Can't you see that I've been classically trained?
Come on, Havel.
Do you really think you can face me?
Be honest. Do you really think so?–
OH MY GOD! *Dunkey scream*
NO!
*laugh*
Get up, get up, get up!
[Dunkey anxiety]
H–How about we both drink from our flask?
Uh-oh.
[he fell for the oldest trick in the book]
Is this real or fake?
It's real.
Fuck everybody who plays this.
I hate this game.
Hit me!
[chuckle]
And you missed again, dumb dumb.
Here, I'll give you one more chance.
One more chance to hit me–
Aaaand you suck again. And–
Weeeeee!
Okayyy...
and there goes Taurus!
[cracks up]
So, yeah! That's how you beat Taurus Demon. Uh..
Thanks for watching, everybody!
Oh, this one is easy!
Yep.
Yep, just gotta watch out for that hit and–
Fuck.
Okay, guys! Now jump off the roof.
Just both you jump off–
That is so stupid.
No, that is impossible. You can't...
You can't beat two guys at once.
It's undoable!
It's fucking stupi–
[epic music]
"Try attacking."
Yeah.
Nope!
Not falling for it this time, guys.
Sorry! [That was an invisible wall]
Here we are at everybody's favorite place.
[Dunkey anxiety montage]
Oh no no, no, no, nO NO NO NO N–
What is this thing?
That's...none of my business.
That wasn't so bad.
[killing one bird with two stone]
I think if all they did was remove this one enemy,
people would be satisfied with this remaster.
Ahh, Snake Fortress!
When I first came to you, I was but the learner.
Now, I AM the master.
Seeyah!
Bye bye!
Goobye!
Don't you t–don't you touch that.
Don't you pull that leve–
♪ Cruis'n USA ♪ [inside joke plays]
Don't laugh.
Ow! That's it!
Nope! Now you fucked up!
Nah, nah–now you're dead.
Now you're dead
Say goodbye, Harold!
Say bye-bye... Oh...
Yeah, I mean- [Dunkey stutter]
Come on, Harold!
Come on!
Let's see whatchya got.
God!
Come on, baby!
Come o–
[Dunkey stress]
You think you can face me?!
[Dunkey stress]
You think you can-
*gasp*
GET the fuck outta here, Harold!
and don't you EVER try to call me and borrow my Hot Wheels toys again
because it's not going to happen, Harold.
"Tough enemy ahead"
yeah!
I just beat Harold. I- I think I–
Okay.
I'm leaving. Bye!
Goodbye–
No no, I'm goin',
So, don't worry!
What the fuck?!
What?!
Hit me, see what happens!
No, do it– hit me again and see what happens!
Okay, wait! Let me–
Let me just eat this.
Just. Do it again!
see wha–
Yeeh!
Yeeh! Exactly!
Exactly.
Fuck Blighttown!
This is where the real game starts.
Okay! Now we just have to very carefully
navigate this tomb.
[Dunkey scare]
That's a bone!
Now the trick is, you can't see anything.
So you have to use th–
You see? You can't see anything and there's 100 cliffs,
But they balance this out with it with the- with the
giant skeletons that one-shot you.
See?
Perfect- perfect game design!
Just a great level...
Now we just gotta walk all the way back,
go past the spike trap,
jump past the skeletons-
Good!
There we go–
Now, jump over the cliff...
Go down the ladder... ♪ Snake Eater - MGS 3 Ost ♪ [inside joke plays]
Now watch out for these guys, 'cause they'll one-shot you.
Gotta be careful for these guy–
Now you just have to
dodge a hundred fucking wheel guys, for an hour... [chainsaw sounds]
Just very– very simple...
And boom!
Just- Just like that!
We're back in the tomb of the giants.
Now, let's try to follow the...
Okay...
Thank you, Dark Souls Remastered!
[Outro] ♪ Dixie Beat - Donkey Kong Country 3 OST ♪