>> Greg: YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN
BELIEVING YOU COULD BE THE NEXT
STALLONE.
TRUE, A MAJORITY THINK THEY
COULD HAVE STARTED AS JOHN
McLEAN IN "DIE HARD."
NEARLY 60% OF AMERICANS -- GOOD,
GOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
SEE, SHE LEARNED FROM THE LAST
SEGMENT.
THAT IS WHY I CALLED THIS OUT.
THAT’S HOW YOU LEARN.
>> 33 YEARS OLD.
>> Greg: THEY THINK THE 6’10"
OR -- YES.
THINK THEY COULD MAKE IT AS A
ACTION MOVIE STAR IF GIVEN
PROPER TRAINING.
THAT IS ACCORDING TO A NEW
SURVEY OF 2,000 U.S. CITIZENS.
SO WE KNOW THAT DID NOT INCLUDE
OBAMA.
>> A CONSPIRACY FREAK MIGHT SAY!
>> Greg: WHO PUT THAT IN THE
SCRIPT?
YOU ARE OUT.
FIRED!
UP FOR TOMORROW’S SHOW.
A THIRD OF RESPONDENTS STATE
ACTION HERO PHYSIQUES ARE A BIG
INFLUENCE ON THEIR PERSONAL
FITNESS GOALS.
ALMOST HALF OF AMERICANS HOLD
THINK THEY CAN COMPETE ON THE
POPULAR SHOW "WIPEOUT,"
COINCIDENTALLY THE TITLE OF
JAMIE’S DIVORCE SETTLEMENT.
IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT HAVING A
GREAT BODY, YOU ALSO NEED WOULD
HE TO THE SUPER VILLAIN, AM I
RIGHT?
FOR EXAMPLE...
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU BIT OFF
MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
OH, THEY CALL YOU "THE VIEW,"
BUT I DON’T LIKE WHAT I AM
SEEING.
>> THAT WAS GOOD.
>> Greg: I’D TELL YOU TO
FREEZE AND NOT MOVE, BUT YOUR
FACE BEAT ME TO IT.
[LAUGHTER]
KAT, IT IS ALL ABOUT THE WITTY
COMEBACKS, RIGHT?
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU ARE A CHICK.
>> YEAH, YEAH, SURE AM.
>> Greg: IS THIS A GUY THING?
>> YES.
>> Greg: YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT
BEING A SUPERHERO?
>> NO, I THINK OF ALL I CAN DO
TO AVOID WATCHING ONE OF THESE
MOVIES OR ENCOUNTER ANY OF THE
SORT OF PEOPLE WHO LIKE THEM.
>> Greg: RIGHT.
>> COME CON IS A SAD, SAD DAY.
BEING A GROWN MAN IN A BATMAN
SUIT NEVER GETS ANY EASIER.
SO NO, I WOULD NOT DO THE MOVIE
BECAUSE I AM SO BORED, I WOULD
BE TOO BORED FEARLESS ENOUGH NOT
THAT I COULDN’T DO IT, I’M TOO
GOOD FOR IT.
>> Greg: THAT IS YOUR
SUPERPOWER.
YOU COULD BE AMAZINGLY BORED.
I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU COULD USE
IT, THOUGH.
JAMIE, DO YOU WISH YOU HAD A
SUPERPOWER AND WHAT WOULD IT BE?
>> IF KAT LOVES BEING BORED, SHE
CAN COME TO MY HAVEMAN COMEDY
CLUBS.
I WOULD LIKE A SUPERPOWER THEY
DO NOT KNOW I DID IT AND I CAN MAKE ANYBODY POOP THEIR PANTS.
MAKE ANYBODY POOP THEIR PANTS.
I THINK I WOULD TAKE THAT OVER.
>> Greg: INCORPORATED IN
ANOTHER SUPERPOWER, INVISIBLE,
PUT IN THEIR COFFEE.
>> THAT IS SO TRUE, THIS IS THE
WISHING FOR MORE WISHES OF
SUPERPOWERS.
>> Greg: MY SUPERPOWER IS TO
HAVE INFINITE --
DID YOU THINK YOU HAVE THIS
CONVERSATION?
>> I NEVER THOUGHT IF I RAN FOR
CONGRESS AND WAS FORTUNATE TO
BECOME THE REPUBLICAN LEADER
THAT I WOULD SIT HERE.
YOU TALK ABOUT THE APPALLING, IT
IS MORE FOR THE PHILOSOPHY.
AMERICA LOVES GOOD PEOPLE
FIGHTING EVIL.
>> Greg: TRUE!
>> AND WE WATCHED THAT THIS
WEEK.
THAT’S TRUE, RIGHT?
[APPLAUSE]
NOW IF I HAD TO PICK A REAL-LIFE
SUPERHERO, I WOULD PICK MYRA
FLORES’ DAUGHTER WHO STOOD UP TO
NANCY PELOSI WHEN SHE TRIED TO
KNOCK HER DOWN.
>> I COULDN’T TELL IF SHE WAS
TRYING TO KNOCK HER DOWN.
>> SHE WAS PUSHING HER OUT OF
THE PICTURE.
>> Greg: PUT HER IN A HEADLOCK
HEADLOCK.
I DON’T DISAGREE, IT IS CLEAR
PELOSI HATES CHILDREN.
>> WHEN SHE TAPPED OUT, I WAS
LIKE --
>> Greg: THAT’S RIGHT.
I GUESS THAT IS WHY SHE HAS ALL
THE SURGERY RIGHT AFTER ALL OF
THE MMA FIGHTING SHE DOES,
DAGEN, SUPERHERO?
>> IT’S ABOUT ACTION STARS,
ABOUT DUDES THINKING THEY CAN BE
TOM CRUISE --
>> Greg: NOT AN ACTION STAR,
IS HE?
>> PLAYS HIS OWN SON.
ALLEGEDLY.
BUT TO KAT’S POINT, 6 OUT OF 10
DUDES IN AMERICA ARE HIGH IF
THEY THINK THEY CAN BE AN ACTION
STAR, 6 OUT OF 10 DUDES IN
AMERICA CAN’T SEE THEIR OWN DOG
AT THEIR FEET, GREG.
>> Greg: DID YOU EVER EXPECT
LIAM NEESON TO BE A SUPERHERO
AND HE IS HUGE.
>> I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS.
>> LIAM NEESON IS DELICIOUS.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANT.
>> BRUCE WILLIS WAS NEVER
SUPPOSED TO BE AN ACTION STAR.
I THINK PEOPLE THINK THE MOVIE
CAN MAKE THEM INTO THE THING AND
THEY GET EXCITED.
I THINK IT IS WEIRD WHEN GUYS
THEY COME I DON’T KNOW IF YOU
REMEMBER BRAD PITT FROM
"FIGHT CLUB," BUT SUPPOSEDLY
THAT IS ONE OF THE BODIES GUYS
WANT TO COME I WANT TO LOOK LIKE
BRAD PITT.
YOU KNOW WHO WANTS TO LOOK LIKE
BRAD PITT FROM "FIGHT CLUB?"
BRAD PITT.
THE ONE DAY THEY FILM THAT SEEM.
>> YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WANTS THAT
BODY?
EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA.
>> Greg: JAMIE, YOU ARE A VERY
FUNNY GUY.
YOU ACT.
YOU COULD BE A SUPERHERO.
YOU JUST HAVE TO LOSE
70-80 POUNDS.
>> 70-80?
>> Greg: IT’S EMBARRASSING.
TV TAKES OFF 40 POUNDS.
>> COME MY GOD.
I’LL TELL YOU WHAT, GREG.
I SHOULDN’T EVEN -- I HAD NO
IDEA THIS WAS THE ROAST OF JAMIE
LISSOW.
>> Greg: I’M SICK, HE HAS
BRONCHITIS.
>> WHATEVER IT WAS, WHATEVER
PERCENTAGE, 6 OUT OF 10?
>> 60%.
>> THAT IS HOW MANY WANT TO BE
ACTION HEROES BUT OVER A THIRD
OF PEOPLE ARE OBESE.
THERE IS OVERLAP.
YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF, GO
ON A CRUISE.
I WORKED CRUISES DOING STAND-UP
COMEDY, NOT I WAS ON THE FRONT O
ALASKA CRUISE SHIP AND HIS LADY
NEXT TO ME, I’M NOT TRYING TO BE
MEAN, LET ME ME PUT IT THIS --
IN THE OCEAN COME OF THIS WHALE
CAME UP OUT OF THE WATER AND
TOOK A PICTURE OF HER.
THAT HAS TO BE A BIT --