(upbeat music)
- In honor of Rachel Bloom being on the show today,
we thought we'd rant about crazy ex-girlfriends.
- Uh-huh. It's time for The Big Blow Up:
Crazy Exes Edition.
- Ready, set, rant!
- You first.
- I hate when my ex blocks me on Facebook
because I keep liking her profile photos from 2007.
Why are they still there if you don't want me to like them?
(audience laughs)
- I hate how my ex
would constantly mangle common, everyday expressions.
Why do you think the expression is
"for all intensive purposes"
and "it's a doggy dog world"?
Gah, getting dumped by you was a blessing in disguise.
- I hate when my ex texts me late at night, "You up?"
You know I'm up.
I can't sleep, I have horrible insomnia and painful TMJ,
so stop rubbing it in my face.
- I hate that your cat isn't around anymore to lick my feet.
I miss that.
(audience laughs)
Now I have to pay a man $20 on Craigslist.
His name is Jim.
His tongue's not rough enough.
(audience laughs)
- I hate when my ex goes to the first restaurant
I introduced her to.
McDonald's was our thing.
I'll die before I watch you eat a McRib with someone else.
- I hate how my ex always put the toilet paper
on the wrong way.
I mean, who puts the toilet paper wrong,
in the under position.
I hate having to reach down
and feeling like I'm about to fall off the seat.
What kind of toilet-less wolves raised you?
- I hate when my ex doesn't realize we ever dated.
I've been to three of your concerts, Rihanna,
front row every time.
We made eye contact, we had a thing.
Some people might consider that second base.
Call me.
- Didn't happen.
I hate how my ex would watch ahead
on the Netflix show we were watching.
I can see that you've already watched
episode four of Gilmore Girls,
the little bar is still up.
The little bar does not lie!
- I hate how long my ex would go
before buying a new loofah sponge.
The last time she replaced
that woven piece of germ covered plastic
was when Toby Maguire was Spiderman.
Drop the 69 cents and buy a new loofah!
- I hate how my ex still has access to my Netflix.
You keep messing up my recommendations
because you keep watching Gilmore Girls.
You've seen it so many times!
You already know that Rory gets pregnant at the end--
- What!
- and Logan probably is the father--
- Spoiler alert!
I hate it when I'd ask my ex what she wanted to eat,
and she'd say, "I don't care,"
then I'd say, "Let's do sushi,"
and then she'd say, "I can't, I'm allergic,"
and then I'd say, "Hello, what are those EpiPens for?"
- I hated that my ex never acknowledged
that beautiful bouquet that I made for her
out of my trimmed body hair and toenails
I spent weeks growing that out.
(audience laughs)
- I'm very low on mine.
I'm gonna try to get it all.
I hate--
I need yours.
I hate that my ex left clumps of her hair
in the shower drain.
It was never enough.
I wanted her to leave more clumps of hair.
I loved her hair.
- I don't have another rant,
I just wanted to say that I love my wife,
and I'm totally content,
and I don't really think about my exes at all--
- But I loved her hair,
it was so cool and black.
It was Rihanna's hair.
(audience laughs)
- Oh, that's not true.
Thank you for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
- You know what time it is
- Hello, this is Ethan from Michigan,
and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Thanks, Ethan.
Click the bottom link to watch this episode
from the beginning.
- And click the top link to watch us talk to the crew
about their crazy online dating stories,
and good mythical more!
- And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality
is going to land.
- [Announcer] we have kids sizes for our GMM
and our I Am A Mythical Beast t-shits
available at mythical.store.