JOYCE: YOU KNOW, I'VE TOLD YOU THAT I HAD ALL
KINDS OF PROBLEMS.
I MEAN, LIKE, FROM BEING ABUSED FOR 15 YEARS BY MY DAD.
AND I MEAN, THIS WASN'T JUST AN OCCASIONAL THING, THIS WAS ALL
THE TIME, ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME.
AND, I'M NOT GOING TO GO THROUGH ALL THE NASTY DETAILS, YOU CAN
GET IT IN OTHER TEACHINGS AND BOOKS.
BUT, I WAS IN BAD SHAPE BY THE TIME HE GOT DONE WITH ME.
AND I LOOKED OKAY ON THE OUTSIDE.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME.
BUT BOY, I HAD A MESS IN MY SOUL.
AND YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU HAVE A MESS IN YOUR SOUL, YOU KNOW
WHERE IT STARTS SHOWING UP?
IN RELATIONSHIPS.
AMEN?
AUDIENCE: AMEN.
JOYCE: FOR ONE THING, I DIDN'T LIKE MYSELF BECAUSE I
THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE OF WHAT HE HAD
DONE TO ME.
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE GET
ALONG WITH ANYBODY ELSE.
AND SO, I WAS MISERABLE AND THEREFORE, I SET ABOUT TRYING TO
MAKE DAVE MISERABLE.
AND MISERABLE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
BUT THE HONEST TRUTH IS, IS THAT WHEN YOU'RE MISERABLE YOU
REALLY DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE TO BE HAPPY.
YOU WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO BE MISERABLE WITH YOU.
AND YOU MAYBE DON'T EVEN DO IT ON PURPOSE, BUT YOU REALLY JUST
TRY TO MAKE THEM MISERABLE.
MY FATHER WAS A MISERABLE HUMAN BEING AND HE DID HIS BEST TO
MAKE EVERYBODY ELSE THAT HE WAS AROUND MISERABLE.
AND WE ALL LET HIM DO IT BECAUSE WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT
WE HAD A CHOICE.
WELL, DAVE WAS BORN-AGAIN, SPIRIT-FILLED CHRISTIAN, WHO'D
BEEN PRAYING FOR A WIFE.
AND HE TOLD GOD, "MAKE IT SOMEBODY THAT NEEDS HELP."
NOW, YOU WANT TO BE VERY CAREFUL HOW YOU PRAY.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: CAN YOU IMAGINE SOMEBODY PRAYING THAT?
BUT SEE, THAT'S WHAT A STRONG CHRISTIAN SAYS, YOU KNOW,
"I CAN TAKE IT.
GIVE ME SOMEBODY THAT NEEDS HELP.
I WANT TO BE USED BY YOU, GOD." YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN THINK HE
KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WHEN HE PRAYED THAT.
I'M SURE IT WAS JUST LIKE, A DIVINE--MAYBE HE WAS IN A
TRANCE OR SOMETHING WHEN HE PRAYED THAT PRAYER...
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: YOU KNOW, LET ME TELL YOU.
HE GOT SOMEBODY THAT NEEDED HELP.
BUT, DAVE WAS STRONG ENOUGH IN THE LORD THAT HE WOULD NOT LET
ME MAKE HIM UNHAPPY.
AND THE HAPPIER HE STAYED, THE MADDER IT MADE ME.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?
AUDIENCE: YES.
JOYCE: ALRIGHT.
BUT, IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS HE EVER DID FOR ME.
BECAUSE, I SAW--NOW, LISTEN TO ME, THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE
MARRIED TO SOMEBODY THAT SPENDS ALL THEIR TIME TRYING TO MAKE
YOU UNHAPPY.
COME ON.
OR MAYBE, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SPENDS ALL YOUR TIME TRYING TO
MAKE SOMEBODY ELSE UNHAPPY.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: I DON'T KNOW, IF YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S
HERE, SO...
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: I GOTTA PREACH TO WHO I GOTTA PREACH TO.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
JOYCE: BUT, WHAT I BEGAN TO SEE WAS STABILITY.
SOMETHING I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
I BEGAN TO SEE SOMEBODY WHO WASN'T CONTROLLED BY
OUTWARD CIRCUMSTANCES.
DAVE LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY, BUT I HAD TO RECEIVE THE LOVE.
HE DIDN'T TURN IT ON AND OFF BASED ON MY BEHAVIOR.
HE JUST WAS, WHO HE WAS.
AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE NEED TO LEARN IS TO BE WHO GOD
WANTS US TO BE NO MATTER WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING.
DID YOU HEAR ME?
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
JOYCE: MAYBE SOMEBODY'S BEEN MEAN TO YOU, THEY HAVEN'T
TREATED YOU RIGHT.
AND SO NOW, YOUR TEMPTATION IS YOU'RE GOING TO BUILD A WALL,
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LET THEM INTO YOUR LIFE, AND YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO TALK TO 'EM, AND YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE 'EM
THE COLD SHOULDER.
WELL, THAT'S NOT THE WAY GOD WANTS YOU TO RESPOND.
BECAUSE, NOW YOU'RE LETTING THEM CONTROL YOU.
AND WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS JUST SAY, "GOD, I'M GOING TO
BE WHO I AM.
AND I'M GOING TO TRUST YOU TO TAKE CARE OF THEM."
SO, I'M TELLING YOU THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET OTHER PEOPLE
MAKE YOU UNHAPPY.
AND THAT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO, BUT ONLY IF YOU HAVE
SELF-CONTROL.