All right, it seems you guys finally pushed
the foremost authority on style past his breaking point.
This video's for all you stupid (beep)
trolls and haters online, saying mean
and hurtful things about fedoras.
Well, guess what? They rule harder than you (beep).
You don't (beep) know anything about this hat, idiots.
Quite frankly, quite frankly
I just think you're jealous assed haters,
because you couldn't even pull off this look.
You couldn't even wear a fedora if your lives depended on it,
because you know what?
It's class, and class is for men and swag is for boys,
but you wouldn't know (beep) about that (beep) haters.
Put your finger away Jason Mraz.
Who's got the heart to tell him he's not even wearing a fedora?
That's a trilby. Boom.
And it's not your hat that's making us nauseous,
it's the rocking back and forth, psycho.
This hat is for what cool people wear,
and you can't figure it out.
Don't feed the trolls, bro. That's what they want.
You're not the only cool guy whose hat game has been mocked.
You wish you could pull off a cloche.
You imbeciles know nothing of this hat.
Cloche is French for bell.
Some would argue that the cloche is a ladies hat,
and I would say it is for anyone who appreciates
its sophisticated details.
Did you know that a firm knot indicates marriage,
while a flamboyant bow such as this means
that I'm ready to mingle?
Why, I am the spitting image of 20s screen siren
Louise Brooks.
So, think before you hate on this cloche,
because I have grace and elegance,
and you have stank ass breath and a tiny dick.
I could have gone on about cloches,
but my arm got tired holding the iPhone 6+.
Those things are bulky.
I think this is that movie The Road,
where everything is gray and everyone is dead,
and no one went to see it. Let's see if that guy survived
Burning Man in this week's breakdown.
Every video from Russia is depressing,
it's like they have their cameras set to sad.
This comrade feels a bit chilly, good thing there's a burning car
on every block in the Ukraine. My goodness.
That is how Michael Jackson died the first time.
Who would have guessed gasoline would be so flammable?
Just stay calm, this is what happens
when you fart pure vodka. His sex is on fire.
I guess we know who the liar liar is.
He don't need no water, let those mother dockers burn.
Burn mother dockers, burn.
You know how I can tell this isn't a Michael Bay film?
Because there's no hot women and it has a plot.
Stop, drop and roll is not an option
when every inch of your country's
covered in broken glass.
So he goes with jog, burn and blister.
Nice assless chaps.
No, he'll have to wait in line eight weeks
to get a new pair of pants.
I'm just glad that country doesn't have fire extinguishers,
and for that we thank you.
And finally, there's been lots of internal speculation
about whether I'm going to accept the offer
to take over for John Stewart.
I'm not prepared at this time to rule it out,
but sadly I will be leaving Tosh.0 in one to seven years.
Make it nine.
In the meantime, I'm excited to announce
that I am taking over Fashion Police
on the prestigious E Network,
replacing the recently deceased Kathy Griffin.
I'm tweaking the format, no more talking.
The verbal warnings about fashion faux pas are over,
it's time for action.
Oh no she didn't.
This is not going to work. Stop resisting.
Get the (beep) off of me.
Stop resisting. Give me the (beep) camera.
Thanks to Fashion Police brutality, I learned my lesson.
I don't know what I was thinking wearing that.
These flats are amazing.
Yes, love it, love it, love it.
And sensible, and affordable.
I learned those moves back in Fashion Police academy.
Finally, as a parent I have to say
I'm impressed with this new technique
for making your kids get along. It's called the fight shirt.
Why you guys have the T-shirt on?
Because we love each other.
Oh, you guys love each other? I love you.
I love you.
And I'm sorry.
You guys love each other? [inaudible 00:04:49]
The irony isn't lost on me
that they're learning not to fight in a wife beater.
My employees act like children, now I know how to handle it.
Whenever there are unwanted advances in the workplace
I force them into the sexual harassment panties.
This is defeating the purpose.
They're normally not that big,
those were the sexual harassment period panties.
And when somebody says something culturally insensitive at work,
I squeeze them into the racism romper.
Reverse racism is real.
I'm sorry, and I love you.
I love you.
They asked HR if next time they could go ass to ass.