By the end of this video, you're going to know
exactly what happens when you do that.
I am Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, an author and a narcissist negotiation expert.
I help you with the tips, tricks, and resources that you need
to be able to negotiate powerfully with narcissists.
I've helped people go from lives of drama, trauma and chaos
to step into lives of freedom, possibility and purpose.
And that's what I'm here to do for you as well.
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Let’s talk about what happens
when you shut them down, you've cut them off,
you've moved on, you have a different life.
It's way better. The air is cleaner.
The grass is greener. The sky is bluer…
Because you have finally rid yourself
of that negative energy that you did not need,
and you're finally moving on, and then bam!
What shows up over there in your inbox?
A little DM. Something like,
“Oh hi, here I am again” and you're like “Ugh!”.
This is what happens when you go,
“You know what? Delete, no, thank you,
block, I'm moving on, I'm not interested anymore”.
So, what's going on on their end of things?
What's happening over there?
They're sitting in their room and no DM back,
no bites on the little fish
they've sent out that fishing line.
They were hoping for a little nibble on
the bait and nothing's going on over there.
So, what are they doing?
The first thing that they are going to want to do is
They're going to turn up the efforts,
they're going to flood you.
Suddenly, there's going to be tons of text messages,
maybe they're going to show up at your house, at your office,
they'll send you things, maybe, all of the sudden
you get flowers or something shows up at your house,
they're just going to turn up the heat, flood you,
do that much more, to let you know they’re still around,
that you can't refuse that hoover,
that you can't shut them down,
that they're going to penetrate you no matter what.
So, they'll turn up the efforts and really try to
make it hard for you to continue to block them and
say no and have your boundaries.
That's the first thing. I call it the heat.
This is where they are going to be reaching out
to others around you and they might try to find other ways
to kind of let you know that they're still around.
So, they'll find people that are close to you,
maybe send them gifts,
I have a member in our family,
who is a narcissist, unfortunately, and
that's one of the things that she loves to do.
My husband and I have decided that this person is toxic.
So, she'll send like a thousand gifts or some major big thing,
to people who are close to us
to kind of let us know that she's still around,
that she is still trying to show everybody else
how wonderful she is
so that we can realize how wrong we are or whatever it is,
just trying to show that she's got this
great relationship with everyone else around us.
The other thing they do with the workaround is,
they might try to work in a smear campaign by saying
things about you that are kind of couched in care.
“I am so worried about Susie,
she just seems like she's drinking too much”.
They might even say that like six months before
the divorce or six months before the partnership ends,
so by the time it actually ends, then they can say things like,
“Oh, see I told you I was so concerned about that,
but, obviously, they're an alcoholic. I mean, it's so sad”.
It's like so couched in
that is very stealth of them with those smear campaigns.
If you want to know more about
how to shut down a narcissist smear campaign,
definitely check out my video on that topic.
So, they will rotate between sources of supply
by hoovering this one and hoovering that one.
Let's see if this one bites, or if this one bites.
They're trolls searching for their next source of food,
like predators.
So, if there's a vulture,
they might go back to the old carcass to see
if there are any bits that they left over or they might’ve missed.
They'll rotate between various sources of supply
to see which one is going to bite and come back to them.
By the way, if you are ready to shut them down and
shut down that hoover, give me a,
The hawk is that they'll just keep on
checking in on you even if they don't DM you,
even if they don't send you things, they'll be watching.
They'll come back and they'll be checking up.
“Oh, how are they doing? What's going on?”
“Are they with a different company now?”
“Have they partnered with somebody else?”
“Are they in a new romantic relationship?”
“Do they have a new set of friends?”
Whatever the relationship was that you had.
They're going to be looking at your social media,
they're going to be checking in with people around you,
They're going to be kind of skulking around to see
what you're up to because, you know, you never know if you
might end up being a good source of supply to them,
at least that's what they think in their minds.
Those are the four things that
happen to the narcissists if you refuse the hoover.
I call them
the heat, the work around, the rotation and the hawk.
If you have seen any others,
just comment them below and let me know.
If you like this video, give it a like and a share, and
if you want to join my free private Facebook group,
you can definitely do that at,
“Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”, and
you can also get my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
I am so glad that you stopped by, and
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I'm so glad that you're here.
Remember today is a great day
to start negotiating your best life;
always, wherever you are, is the jumping off point.
It is never too late.
You only fail if you stop trying.
I'll see you in the next video!