Mates, we are currently witnessing one of the biggest and possibly one of the most
Mates, dumbfounding conflicts in human history.
A quite literal age-old feud that continues to intensify as the once fun
and friendly banter has now escalated into an all-out war of words,
insults and roasts, only to determine which generation sucks...
much less than the other.
Four of humanity's most social media vocal age groups have locked horns
in an online battle royale for the title of The Greatest Generation.
All except for that one group that is actually known as "the greatest
generation". So if you enjoy a good generational cat fight,
then bring out the popcorn, rile up those toxic Twitter bubbles,
and get ready to rumble because this is a showdown that you cannot,
and most likely will not miss.
Will it be The Boomers, whose knowledge of technology is as outdated as the wife jokes they keep telling
to this day?
Or Generation X, the cohort with quite possibly the coolest name...
if we all lived in the nineties and are mutants!
The Millennials, who still have their Hogwarts houses in their bios,
mostly because 20 years later... They still have yet to afford a real one.
Or Generation Z,
whose memes are deadlier than the Tide Pods they try to consume for content.
Welcome to "The Battle for the Ages" or in this particular case,
"The Battle OF the Ages". I am Bogart The Explorer from Davao City,
and this is an Extremely Bogart Take on the Generation Wars. Let's Go!
Okay Boomer.
Who would've thought that the verbal eye roll of youthful frustration would be
the Kryptonite to the dominantly untouchable generation of the very same name.
No one could have ever predicted that the same clap back would spark this
unprecedented cultural clash that has since ballooned to a scale never before seen.
In short, these kids really woke up one day and chose violence.
And thanks to the perfect storm of the internet, the rise of social media,
the current political landscape, and a little bit of cabin fever.
This beef has spiralled so much outta control that the collateral damage now includes:
your taste in music, the shows and films you like,
all the way to which side we choose to part our hair.
In this war, no one and nothing you hold dear, is safe.
Now it would be quite difficult to objectively determine who the victor would be
without first getting to know the combatants.
So let's break down the tale of the tape.
First up are the baby boomers named after the boom of birth after World War II.
This easily-displeased lot
argue with stories about how back in their day life was just so much better.
No social media, no wifi, no cell phones...
Or as every kid today would describe it, their absolute worst nightmare!
Boomers have never been shy about their utmost disdain for modern technology
and their younger counterparts either.
Constantly nagging about everything from new technology to video games,
chalking up laziness and uselessness to the youth's obsession with it,
up until they accidentally lock themselves out of their phones and can't play
Bejeweled or Candy Crush anymore.
Seriously, how in the bloody world do people who earn seven figures annually not
figure out how to unlock a phone, or rotate a PDF,
or actually put a phone on silent when in a quiet room.
Oh, and don't get me started on boomers doing zoom calls.
Next up is the quintessential middle child, Generation X.
Bookended by two significantly larger groups,
Gen X-ers don't exactly receive the same kind of public awareness nor notoriety
as the other two cohorts because quite frankly,
everyone else has forgotten they even existed. And guess what?
They prefer it that way.
These often overlooked "latchkey kids" named after how their generation took
care themselves while their boomer parents were out working, were practically
invisible to the public eye, up until quite recently,
when the pandemic called upon everyone to do their part and stay at home,
watch TV and do absolutely nothing.
Something Gen X-ers have been perfecting their entire lives.
The years upon years of sitting down on the couch,
watching countless hours of MTV, VHS tapes,
playing Atari and listening to their cassette tapes over and over again,
until they needed to use their pencil to rewind the tape, could not have better
prepared them for this moment to save the world.
These OG social distancers live entire lifetimes chilling
alone in front of the tube,
cold beer in hand and chucking over eighties references
that only other Gen X-ers would understand,
silently cringing about everyone else because for every old fart
and young blood who despise each other,
there's always a Gen X-er who secretly hates them both.
Millennials. If you were born before the year 2000,
are absurdly addicted to taking online tests,
have avos on anything,
use the word hashtag with everything, and are completely obsessed with anything
Harry Potter, then congratulations... You're most likely a #Millennial.
And as of this recording,
also considered #old and #ancient. Sad face emoji.
Also known as Generation Y, Gen Y,
Echo Boomers and Generation Me.
These cohorts have popularized so many things which the rest of society has both
praised and despised like side parts, skinny jeans,
plaid shirts, and of course, the "man bun".
Millennials were so huge pop culture-wise that they were practically the topic
of every single headline, news feature, media article,
psychological study, not to mention,
the star in the already-growing list of boomer complaints.
So much so in fact that millennials have been blamed by boomers to have killed
nearly every industry: department stores, cable TV,
gyms, canned tuna, even cereals.
That's right folks, Millennials are the real CEREAL killers.
Millennials are often characterized as lazy, self-absorbed,
tech-obsessed and for a lack of better word, dead a** broke.
And yet, these caricatures of millennial culture have yet to really stop them from living
their best life. Constantly traveling,
buying every single gadget and consuming a whole lot of moderately expensive
branded coffee.
See, living with your parents in your thirties has its perks.
Last and definitely not the least, the true digital native,
the first generation to grow up solely on the internet and the catalyst of
this whole chaotic mess in the first place, Generation Z.
Born between '95 and 2010, Zoomers can do homework,
binge watch two different shows simultaneously,
chat on both their phones and post on Instagram at the the same time,
all while live streaming the whole thing as a reaction video to a video game
they just played.
Zoomers also discovered how to tell you why you're acting a certain way
without telling you why you're acting a certain way... through astrology.
To a Zoomer, your millennial a** is broke because Jupiter is in retrograde,
not because you failed as an adult with no money-making skills.
And if all else fails, it's never your fault... it's the systems.
So mates, which age cohort would be the last group standing?
Honestly, from where I'm standing... or comfortably sitting,
the answer is, well, no one.
This endless cycle of intergenerational warfare, internet pettiness,
and increased microaggressions don't really help anyone,
nor solve anything either.
Rather it only dramatically increases distrust amongst people and
widens the already growing rift at a time when we need unity the most.
Point is, we need better communication if we want things to truly change,
because we can only win if all of us win.
Each generation has a lot to teach and a to learn.
And in turn, something to gain.
And at the end of the day,
our greatest legacy always has been and always will be the world
we end up creating together.
So instead of just being condescending to younger folk or throwing dismissive
retorts to our elders,
it's time we stop the generational gap from growing even further
and work together to drive conversations forward.
Because let's face it, as much as the past is created by the old and a future is promised to the young,
the now and the present clearly belong to all of us.
#Worldpeace, #Respect,
praying emoji, flexing muscle emoji, Bogart emoji.
And that's it for me. I am Bogart The Explorer from Davao City.
And this has been an Extremely Bogart Take on Generation Wars.
Cheers!