hey everyone I'm so happy to be here with you live this is Adrienne Everheart
I was on my way out for coffee with a friend and I was in my in the car with
my husband we were running a quick errand beforehand and I thought you know
I was experiencing something with him and I thought you know this is the
perfect thing to share with my audience what I was experiencing and I want to
make a quick video about using feminine energy to give your partner attention
just make sure everyone can hear me hi everyone thanks for joining me
whooping kind of doing it last second so I don't have my best camera setup anyway
I am a big fan of John Gottman who is a research scientist and a researcher when
it comes to relationships and understanding what makes relationships
last and have longevity and I just discovered him about a year ago a client
of mine actually told me about him and the interesting thing is that there a
lot about what he was doing as far as backing up a lot of what I say with
science or with research rather and it's so interesting because when it comes a
lot to science and research scientists can spend 20 years researching something
but really you could just ask a woman and will tell you and one of the big
things that John Gottman talks about is giving answering your partner's bid for
attention and I noticed this happening today with my husband and I we're
driving along and he works in the music industry and he was telling me about
someone he had interviewed and that was kind of like uh you know I kind of
really didn't care and was looking out the window and I could tell he kept like
turning and looking at me because I just wasn't feeling the conversation for some
reason I mean I'm a human you know and I realized I'm doing it he's taking
a bid for my attention and I'm denying it from him
I'm keeping it from him so have any of you had that happen where your partner
or your child or a pet even is wanting your attention and instead of giving
them attention you kind of turn away from them and what happens is is these
little moments these little moments accumulate in the relationship now
there's a couple of things I talked about with feminine energy and one of
the things I want you to do is it got us on a pedestal is that if you're bored
with the conversation you have every right to let the man know and I have had
some women say oh my god if you let a man know he'll be out the door maybe he
needs to be out the door but I want to tweak that a little bit so you
understand you know a little bit more about how that will work so when you're
talking to a man on a date or even your husband or your relationship whoever
you're in the relationship with feminine energy is open and remember you can kind
of imagine you're on a pedestal and you're observing because a big part of
feminine energy is just observing what is going on you see so that's where you
allow that 1 2 3 minutes to just observe him and see what he's saying see what
emotions he's expressing you see what I mean now if a man drones on and on and
on about his ex-wife or his problems or his commute to work or whatever it may
be because in dating a lot of men will use a woman as free therapy you're his
free therapy he's texting with you he's calling you on the phone you haven't
even met for a date and you feel like you're his damn therapist ok you don't
want to have that sort of relationship with a person from the beginning even if
you are married you're one therapist men do not marry their
therapists they do not marry their mothers or their best friends so if
after one to three minutes you listen you nod you listen I want you to really
connect with what they're feeling okay so Brittany Brown talks about how you
know there's empathy and there sympathy and when you feel empathy you know
you're actually there with them experiencing it you're not just looking
at them going wow that must hurt you're saying oh my god this really does hurt
whatever it is you see so as much as you can connect with what they're feeling
and again we're humans we've all got our own agendas we are our own most
important person on this planet most of the time so you're human there's nothing
wrong with that but this is the thing about connecting with your partner this
is what John Gottman talks about where that partner is making this bid for your
attention you have to answer it so one two three minutes you're going to listen
not look them in the eye mm-hmm and here and connect you have to train yourself
how to do this in a lot of cases I know I did I didn't just come out of the womb
knowing how to do this I mean I could relate to people you feel someone else's
pain but I didn't always pay attention to it especially when you're overwhelmed
and you're overtaxed and you're over functioning which a lot of times we can
do as women so one to three minutes give him some time not and listen and they
don't want you to validate so validation is a little bit like my really really
get him tool and then really really get him it's where you just imagine an
emotion on his face so in this instance my husband was talking about this person
he interviewed and how funny the person was and how much laughing they were
doing and getting along and I looked at his face and I just saw happiness I said
oh you must have felt so happy talking to him and he's
I did and it fed into it occasionally with really really get him you'll get it
wrong and you'll say oh you must have been feeling really worried and the guy
will go no I wasn't that's okay just go along with it go oh well you know what
are you feeling and you listen so it's a really cool concept to validate now
after that if you become a therapist and the guy continues to just tell you how
bad this is how wrong his ex-wife was or whatever it may be that's where I want
you to draw the line in the sand and it's okay to just kind of be like oh hmm
you know it's okay to have a little bit of being a little bored and letting it
show on your face and just mm-hmm just sit for a couple minutes yeah I must
feel really miserable and the guy will go hare you bored what am I not
entertaining you well no it's it's not that I want you to entertain me every
minute it's just I don't I trust you're gonna figure it out or I don't know what
to do about it or I feel like I've listened but I'm not sure what else to
do because you're actually there to not be his therapist you're there to have
fun and do good things with him that doesn't mean you don't give him the time
to listen you know depending on what is going on in his life but listen and be
there for him so I hope that this is maybe giving you a better understanding
of feminine energy attention for your partner in your relationship already
right II want to make this quick video and just share it with you I'm sending