Today I am doing a quick update with Kelsey General,
who is our online course and community manager. And she has been for many years. And we recently
did podcast number 176 with Kelsey to update us, um, since it's been a few years where she talked
about her boys and, um, their original struggles and where they were at when they were younger.
So here is Kelsey, a short snip of Kelsey giving us an update on where her boys are now and what
are her hopes and dreams for the future. Hi,
I'm Dr. Mary Barbera, autism mom, Board Certified Behavior Analyst, and bestselling author.
Each week I bring you a video to help parents and professionals turn things around in the autism
world. So if you haven't subscribed to my YouTube channel, you can do that now. Here's a short clip
from podcast number 176, where I'm interviewing Kelsey General about her boys and she's giving
us an update. You know, just over the years as a professional, as, uh, you know, a big part of
my team, like, do you see common themes or do you see, ou know, what have you learned over the past,
uh, you know, years since you've been in our community, that, that you just really want
to tell everybody out there listening, whether they're a part of our online course and community,
or just listening, you know, here and there. Like what, what are your big lessons that you've
learned so far? Yeah, I would say my biggest lesson is to, and I know people don't always like
this one, but it's to not trust professionals, um, is to trust yourself as a parent an autism
diagnosis doesn't mean you all of a sudden don't understand how to parent your child.
Um, you should consult with professionals and you should, um, take what they say,
but you should also put it through a lens of, is this right for my child? Is this in alignment with
my values as a parent, it, you know, is, and that no therapy, and we've talked about this before,
no therapy is better than bad therapy. Um, I have no doubt, even if I just brought
Brentley home and kept him happy and played with them all day, even if I didn't know anything,
I suspect he would still be in a better place than he would be hitting his head, learning his colors
at a therapy center that I was paying a crazy amount of money for.
Um, so I just think it's really good to trust yourself and know that autism doesn't mean, you
know, you can't teach your child. Um, but there are obviously courses like Mary's courses that can
help you because obviously that changed everything for me and for Brentley and for Lincoln.
Um, I've also learned, um, you know, it's something I learned, I would say,
you know, once you learn the techniques that you teach in your courses Mary,
a child can learn anything. Uh, like nobody thought Brentley could snowboard. Nobody
thought Brentley could ride a bike or learn to swim really easily. Or when I
was hiking with him on with harnesses on that he would ever listen to stop.
And I think it's always about looking at what you want to do or what your child wants to do. And
really just breaking it down to, okay, what's the next right thing to teach. And there's,
it's always, they maybe can't yet, but as long as you keep the mentality of they can,
and we can teach this, we just need to figure out a way how, um, that's,
you know, you have to kind of stay in that mindset of, even if things are hard if, as long as you
stay on, okay, well, what's the next right thing to teach this is hard, but what's the next right
thing to teach? Um, I, that was a big lesson for me. And, uh, both your boys are like, so
skiing and snowboarding and, and, you know, they're on the, the river in a canoe and
it's like, whoa, you know, it is amazing to see because, you know, when you started, he wouldn't
even stay at the table for three seconds. He wouldn't, you had to have a leash and a harness on
him to go out into the community. And I remember one of your videos that you shared with me,
you know, fairly early on when you were just getting him out in the community with a leash
and a harness, like he had potato head that he brought out in the community and he was like,
kind of near a bridge or something. And I'm like, oh boy,
You know, you really, you have become such an advocate and a teacher, your, you know,
your kids' best teachers that have just generalized the skills to everything and
everybody. And it's not just the kids that can learn anything. Anybody out there listening can
learn, you know, to do new things and learn new skills. And that's a great thing to know.
Yeah. So my biggest, you know, thing that I say often to parents I talk to is, is just to go
anyway, like this snowboarding trip might be horrific. We have a couple lives here that were,
that were hard, that were hard, but it's like, but in those moments you learn, okay,
well, this is a skill that we need to teach and we're going to practice that skill more.
And, um, I just, again, just keeping as positive as you can about, okay, well
that was tough, but we're going to teach the next right thing. Um,
yeah. And it was super exciting last summer when Brentley learned to kayak,
I actually put different colors on each side of the paddle and I would just yell at him red, blue.
Okay. You gotta turn now red, red, red, blue. And now he does it fully independently, but yeah,
it's, it's kind of like, okay, well we want to do this. How are we going to do it safely? And, and
continuing to go, even when you know, the kayak got flipped yesterday, but the next day it didn't.
And, and how has it been, you know, with just you and the boys, primarily as
you know, has, has being a single mom really added I'm sure to the stress. Yeah. I mean,
at the end of the day, it's only me. Um, it it's really, but, but because I know what to do,
I'm not as stressed. I think if I lived a life where I was dependent on therapy providers,
I was dependent on other people to teach them all the time. Um, they were maybe going to clinics and
if, then it was just me thrown into the, oh, now I gotta take these two kids out into the community.
It would be a lot different. Um, in that sense, like, I don't feel that much stress because I,
I've been going out for so long with my kids that I just trust them. Like I know when it's,
when I can trust them and when I can't, but it does take with just me. It does take,
like well we have to go to the grocery store. There's not a choice of, we can't go to the
grocery store. There's not a choice. And you know, there's
so both my kids have had to learn. You know, maybe in situ you know, situations, it's like we have to
do this. We have to, because there's only one of me and, and we just have to live life. And, um,
yeah, as we go into the future and financially, and you know, all that and it just being me and
what will happen to them, you know, if something happens to me, that's definitely stressful.
Um, for sure. But the day-to-day is not really that stressful. It's mostly just
about scheduling and fitting it all in, make sure everyone gets taught and work gets done
and all that stuff. Okay. Do you anticipate that Brentley will go to school at some point?
I'm not sure. Um, and the reason is he is making such progress at home and is just so happy.
Um, uh, the school system in Canada is also very different to the US. An IEP is not a legal
document. You know, we really have very little control over what happens there. All classroom,
all special education kids in BC are put into an, uh, a general ed classroom with
whatever level of support they might require. So he would just go to a mainstream classroom
without necessarily getting the one-to-one teaching that he's thriving with. Um,
so time will tell, but I, I really have no plans to, um, he still goes to an afterschool program
every day. So he's with typical kids in the afternoon, every day with a one-to-one.
Um, he, and actually we just had two weeks of spring break here and he went from nine to three
with his one-to-one in a typical program with no, and went on field trips, bowling to the park, no
one with, uh, just his one-to-one and no problem behaviors. So he is capable of being in those
settings. I'm just not sure that he will learn the skills he needs if, if he goes to public school.
I hope you enjoyed that little snip from 176. If you did, I'd love a thumbs up. Share this video
with somebody who may benefit or leave a comment and for more information about how you might be
able to join our online course and community. I'd love if you would attend a short workshop where
you can learn more at marybarbera.com/workshop, and I'll see you right here next week.