Welcome to 'Draw My Life'.
I'm the average American girl in the United States.
And this is my life.
It's a pretty average one.
And I love pink.
Hooray.
The average girl is going to be named Sophia because that is the most common name in the
United States.
And when Sophia grows up she's probably going to have brown hair because like most people
have brown hair and according to the CDC she's going to be 5 foot 3 inches tall and 166 pounds
and she'll like polka dots too.
When Sophia is a girl she's going to love horses because don't all girls love horses.
I mean this would not be complete without loving horses.
And she loves horses so much in fact that Sophia likes to wear her hair in a ponytail
and she's all like, 'Yay, I love my ponytail.
Being a kid is fun until she hits 12 to 13 years old when she has her first period.
And at that point estrogen makes it's debut in little Sophia's life, bringing along with
it all those wonderful changes that will bring Sophia from girlhood into womanhood.
Things like higher rates of depression, increased risk of osteoporosis, and increased risk of
someone saying, 'Girl you crazy,' and her saying, 'It's just the estrogen.
I swear.'
Ahh, and then at 17, oh 17 the average girl, our little Sophia will have S-E-X for the
very first time but you know, FYI kids just because you're having sex doesn't necessarily
mean that it's love.
Uhh, this is an unromantic view of the average woman's life.
But then she's going to be all like texting all the time, like, 'Hey gurl, where u at?'
According to studies Sophia will be sending more than 100 text messages per day driving
her parents totally crazy because she's going to be on like Facebook liking a bunch of stuff,
tweeting stuff, hashtag like this bird looks weird, or here's an instagram picture of some
food that I ate, everybody like it.
Share it.
And then at 18, Sophia, smart Sophia is going to graduate from high school and we're so
proud of you Sophia.
And then she's going to go to college and she's going to study business because business
is the most common major for men and women in the United States, didn't you know.
But the thing is in the real world Sophia's probably going to earn 77 cents to every dollar
that the guy she graduates with will make in the work place because of something delightfully
called the gender wage gap.
Poo.
And on top of that being a secretary is the most common job in the United States for women
so there is unfortunately an okay chance that Sophia might end up serving coffee to this
really annoying guy who's like, 'Where's my coffee?'
She's all like, 'Ugh, why'd I go to college?'
And because of that Sophia is probably going to lose out on $434,000 which is the lifetime
cost for a woman of the gender wage gap.
All the sudden this average life is getting so political.
On top of that I mean let's get real, Sophia is one of the 78% of American women who doesn't
like her body either.
What's going on?
The average life for women is kind of becoming a downer so why don't we talk about shoes?
Did you know that the average woman in the United States owns 17 pairs of shoes, kind
of like these fabulous red-soled Christian Lou Betons?
I mean those shoes are fit for a queen.
Now speaking of fit for a queen, check out that engagement ring.
That's right folks.
Little Sophia is getting married.
Hooray I love life and my ring and oh I can't wait for my day, I'm 27 years old like the
average bride in the United States.
But oh good gracious my wedding costs over $25,000.
Yes this is the average cost of a wedding these days in the United States y'all.
One word: Elope.
Okay?
Now because of this financial expenditure Sophia's turning into a little bit of a Bridezilla
being like argh, I don't even care about my roses.
But then she's all like you know what actually it's totally fine, I'll be fine.
And according to statistics she'll have 1.67 babies.
Hooray.
And as Sophia gets older, you know, she's got her job, her marriage, her kids and she
thinks to herself like most American women do at a certain age, 'Can I really have it
all?
Everything I need?'
While she's wondering that time is passing and she all the sudden is an old lady with
a cane.
And she lives to be 85 years old.
And then I guess she dies so that's the end of the average life of an American woman.