How are you?
Hey, Ellen.
Good.
How you doing?
I'm doing-- ugh.
I'm doing all right.
My palms are sweaty.
And I'm-- it's--
how you feeling on Election Day today?
Anxious.
You know, very, very anxious.
But I'm optimistic.
I am.
I'm hopeful.
Yeah.
Me too.
[APPLAUSE]
It's so funny.
That's, like, the answer.
We say, how you doing?
And everybody's like-- "oh, good."
But not really.
Inside we're just-- your guts are just churning.
I haven't really been sleeping much.
But today is Tuesday.
I think the last time I slept was 2017.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Yeah.
I understand.
I feel the same.
You're in Pennsylvania, which is a big swing state.
What is it like there?
Oh, my God.
Pennsylvania it's, like you said, a swing state.
It's very important.
So we're just inundated with political ads.
I mean, it's just nothing but political ads on TV.
I never thought that I would miss The General.
Give me The General.
Where's Flo?
I'll take Flo.
Or I never thought I would miss a broke penis commercial.
I'm, like, where's the dude with the bad penis?
I want to see him.
Let's break this up.
[LAUGHTER]
Where's the naked old people sitting in the tub outside?
I know.
You're in Pennsylvania.
You've been there for a while right?
Yeah.
Are you completely-- you're not out of LA completely are you?
No, no.
Not completely.
When I met Alex, he was living here.
So I'm a East Coast person.
I was born in Virginia and raised in Maryland.
I lived in Jersey, New York.
So I love the East Coast.
So it's nice being here.
But it's easy to slip into this life outside of LA.
Where, like, I'm outside and watering the lawn or something.
And then it'll hit me and I'll go, "am I
still in show business?
[LAUGHTER]
It's, like, I'm outside weeding or whatever
and I just see dollar signs just floating away.
But here I am, happy.
Yeah.
You can't put a price on happy.
And you announced you just celebrated your 12th wedding
anniversary.
Congratulations on that.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
Yeah, well, actually one of those years
was a quarantine year.
So really it's like 15.
You know?
Because a quarantine year counts as three years.
It's equivalent to three years.
So we're doing 15.
That-- whoa.
That's a lot.
You with them every day, 24/7.
That's a lot.
Are you saying that some issues came up, Wanda?
What are you trying to say?
Well, no, actually we did OK.
We were good.
But there was a lot of food.
A lot of people gained weight during the lockdown.
And I guess I caught Alex--
I guess I was a little out of control I guess.
And I caught her giving me the side-eye.
And I was explaining to her that really I was just
taking my hourly COVID test.
I'm just making sure that I still had
my sense of taste and smell.
I was doing my part.
I was, like, see look-- now, you look at it
as me being a glutton.
But really I taste every chip in this cookie,
so that means another negative test.
Right.
We good.
You have a point.
And Alex went to-- she went to France this summer.
And she took the kids.
You didn't go.
Was great or not great?
Well, it was great because while they were away,
I got a chance to spend time with my parents.
They came and stayed with me, and we hung out,
which was awesome.
But, man, they had a blast in France.
I mean, my kids had a great summer.
Because France did it the right way.
They did a country-wide shutdown.
And they flattened the curve.
So this summer, my kids-- they went to amusement parks.
They went bowling.
Do you know how nasty it is to go bowl?
Do you know how many germs are at a bowling alley?
I mean, they sticking their fingers in balls
that hundreds of other people have used.
And wore other people's shoes--
they rented shoes.
I mean, but they were able to do that.
They had a great time.
You know?
Yeah, I never thought about that until you just pointed it out.
That's a lot of germs when you bowl.
I didn't realize that.
Now, they're back now.
So how was Halloween?
Were you able to do that?
Yeah.
Halloween was nice.
Of course, there was none of that going door-to-door stuff.
And I just took a bowl of candy and just threw it out
in the street.
And-- happy Halloween.
A lot of the neighbors, they went nuts
with the decorations and stuff.
They really went all out.
And one of the scariest ones I saw
was somebody had a Trump/Pence sign in their lawn.
Oh.
That scared me.
[LAUGHTER]
I told my kids, "get out of there!
Get away from that house!"
Oh, my God.
That scared me.
We're going to take a break.
We'll be back.