Yep it’s not your day.
You’re hurdling toward the ground from thousands of feet up, and all you can think is, “So
this is it, huh?
THIS is how I go?
All because I decided to take a little risk, live on the wild side!”
Skydiving?
Nope.
BASE jumping?
Negative.
You, my daredevil friend, ignored that sign near the airplane toilet warning you to close
the lid before you press the flush button.
And it pulled you through and spit you out.
And, thus, we’ve come full circle: you’re freefalling to your untimely demise.
Wait, back up, you got pulled through the toilet?
As in, that tiny hole barely big enough for a mouse?
ARE you a mouse?
Ok, fine, exaggerated a bit on that one…
unless, you come out the other side all spaghettified?
In that case, ew!
Or yum?
The sound of knocking snaps you back to reality.
“Someone in there?”
Uh-oh, you got lost in your thoughts again, staring down that waterless bowl and wondering
if the warning sign was put there to prevent the exact situation that just came flooding
to your mind.
What else would it be for?
You’re no fool – you know this plane is airtight!
Every crevice has been sealed to keep the cabin pressurized.
Because otherwise, none of us would be able to breathe this high up in such thin air.
(Must be a regular here on the Bright Side, I like it!)
And what about all those movies showing holes in the fuselage ripping passengers right out
of the plane in the blink of an eye?!
When you flush the toilet, you open that hole, creating an opportunity for the pressure difference
to eject the contents…right?
Why else would it be so loud and fast?
Ok, let’s back up and tackle this thing one question at a time.
Even if you were somehow pulled through that tiny hole, you wouldn’t get spit out of
the plane, spaghettified or not.
When you flush the toilet on an airliner, the contents don’t just get sprayed across
the Earth for everyone down below to, uh, have to deal with.
(Grab an umbrella!)
That would be gross, harmful for people and the planet…and illegal!
That umbrella wouldn’t do you much good either.
The stuff would be frozen from the cold temperatures at that high of an altitude.
(Oh, well, then, take cover!)
Hey, that’s actually how planes used to do it in the olden days of aviation.
Yep, chuck it out and Geronimo!
Fun fact: it’d also be blue.
Hmm, pretty sure the stuff that we deposit into commodes shouldn’t be anywhere near
that shade.
It’s not the waste itself but rather the liquid disinfectant that cleans the bowl with
each flush.
That’s not to say airplanes don’t decorate the landscape with sewage these days…only
now it’s purely by accident.
(It’s also incredibly rare, so no need to swear off ever leaving your house again.)
It happens if there’s a leak in the holding tank.
The result?
What’s been dubbed “blue ice” hailing down!
“Hellooo?
Sorry, pal, but the line’s growing out here!
Think you can speed it up?”
Spaced out again…
But if you got pulled through the toilet, you wouldn’t end up hurdling toward the
ground – you’d just go to that onboard holding tank that keeps all the waste until
it can be emptied.
But what if the pilot accidentally empties it right there in the air?
OR what if he needs to, like to make the plane lighter in the case of low fuel or an emergency
landing?
Impossible – it can only be opened from the outside by ground crew.
Imagine having that job.
They stick a giant hose to the bottom of the plane’s rear and pump the stuff out and
into a truck for safe disposal.
Hmm, makes me wonder: would you rather have a job like that and make all the money you
need, or the job of your dreams and barely have enough to get by?
Let me know down in the comments!
Anyway, back to our story…
If it goes to a tank, then what creates that incredible suction?
Well, the onboard lavatory system does make smart use of the pressure difference between
the inside and outside of the plane.
And that’s why it’s so loud when you flush.
There’s that holding tank, right?
It’s where that big blue sloshy mix of waste and disinfectant hang out.
It has a pipe that leads to a hole in the plane.
Don’t worry, it’s supposed to be there!
So, that means the pressure inside that tank is what it should be at 35,000 feet up.
But remember, when you do your business, the cabin has been pumped with a bunch of air
so that everybody can breathe.
When you flush the toilet, it opens a sort of flap.
Because high pressure will always go where its lower when given the chance, the immense
air pressure in the cabin pushes whatever’s in the toilet down to the holding tank.
And, boy, does it push it!
At about 300 mph, mind you!
“Hello, sir?
This is Tammy from the crew.
A lot of people waiting and worried out here.
If you don’t open the door soon, I’m going to have to open it myself.”
“Yeah, one second!
Just…having a bad reaction to the chicken!”
Even at breakneck speeds, the suction isn’t enough to pull you through.
It’s not even enough to push the compressed air out of the lavatory itself since there
are vents to the room, and the doors aren’t airtight.
Plus, that flap isn’t open long enough to make any difference.
You push the flush button, the flap opens, the blue cleaning stuff washes your “deposit”
away, and it closes back up.
It also isn’t enough to suction you to the toilet seat if you happened to be sitting
on it when you flush.
Technically, it could if you somehow managed to create a perfect seal.
And everybody mentions as proof the same “woman who got stuck to a toilet during a flight
10 years ago.”
But that’s almost impossible since the toilet seat itself has ridges under it.
Meaning, when it’s down on the rim of the bowl, the ridges hold the seat up and allow
air to move through, probably like the toilet seat you have in your own home!
But if this system depends on the pressure difference, does that mean the toilet won’t
flush if you’re on the ground, landing, or taking off, where the pressure is equal?
No, you can still use the bathroom at these times, but the system has a motor to create
that vacuum.
Granted, it requires power to work, so that’s why they usually ask you not to head to the
lavatories until you’re at a certain altitude.
That, and things get shaky when you’re taking off or landing.
Passengers could fall down on their way to the restroom, or if you’re already in there,
then you’re surrounded by lots of things you can bump your head on in that tiny space.
Well if you can’t get pulled through or suction-cupped to the seat, then why are there
these warning signs telling you to close the lid before you flush?
A couple reasons.
For one, it’s deafeningly loud and disturbs other passengers.
But more importantly, it’s something you should do even at home because of what’s
called “toilet plume.”
And that, my friend, is bacteria-infested microscopic particles that spray up and around
a 10-foot radius each time you flush the toilet.
So, if you’re one of those people who keep their toothbrush on the bathroom counter,
you might wanna give it a cozy new home in the medicine cabinet.
As for that closet-sized airplane lavatory, you know that stuff would be on EVERY surface!
“Sir, this is your final warning.
I’m so sorry if you’re not feeling well, but others are growing impatient.”
“Be right out!
Just gotta wash my hands!”
Oh, that reminds me!
(Better make this quick or the whole brigade is going to come crashing through that door…)
If there’s one place that’ll spit you out the back of the airplane, it’d be the
tap system!
Ever wondered what happens to the water that goes down the sink?
Well, there’s your answer!
It gets heated up before it’s released so that it doesn’t freeze and stick to the
plane.
That’s not good since it would add extra weight.
And in the aviation world, extra weight equals more fuel burnt, which means more expense.
Weight and expense also play a role in why that water shuts off so quickly while you’re
washing your hands.
It’s because the plane can carry and, therefore, only has so much of it.
It comes from a tank under the cabin.
No worries, it’s not the one holding all the toilet soup!
So, I guess if I could shrink myself down to the size of an earring, I could get washed
down the drain, shot out the back of the plane, and, once again, be freefalling back down
to Earth.
Luckily, that’s just not poss-
“Sir, I’m sorry to barge in like this, but I’m going to have to ask you to take
your seat.
Thank you for understanding.”
“No problem, I was just on my way out!”
“Ugh!”
“Finally!”
“About time!”
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