Translator: Yulia Kallistratova Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
Hi.
My role was that he called me after every jump.
I'd spoken to him the day before,
and he was so excited about the way his trip was going.
The next day when the phone rang, it was J.T. calling.
He said two words:
"Shane's dead."
I went silent, I screamed, I hung up the phone.
I had no idea what to do,
my brain was screaming, I couldn't breathe,
and my daughter was staring at me, scared and confused.
I left South Africa when I was 21 to go travel the world
and find my Persian birth father.
I never met him, and it's really pissed me off.
(Laughter)
But now that I look back,
it's thanks to him that I met the love of my life and my soulmate.
Shane McConkey
was named one of the most influential skiers in the world.
He completely disrupted the ski industry by changing everything
from the shape of skis to the way we ski in powder.
Shane won extreme ski competitions; he was a ski movie star.
And he did insane skiing feats
like combining skiing with BASE jumping and wingsuiting.
People loved Shane.
They loved him because he was real.
He made them laugh with his wacky sense of humor and practical jokes,
and he invited them into his world and made them feel special.
He loved oddballs and outcasts, and he shattered the idea of cool cliques.
When he had an idea, he made it happen.
Like going to K2 and asking them
to spend millions of dollars and change their skis.
They looked at him sideways,
but through dedication and determination he blew the roof off the ski industry
both as an athlete and an innovator.
He was kind and he had empathy.
When "Make a Wish" approached him to grant a kid's wish
he was honored and went above and beyond
to make this kid have the time of his life.
He loved animals and our world
and was not afraid to preach in what he believed​ in.
He was a horrible cook and a terrible cleaner -
(Laughter)
but when he did do this, it was awesome and entertaining.
We married in 2004,
and in 2005 he gave me the best gift ever:
our daughter Ayla.
We went through the world with a wow and delight
and his infectious personality poured into Ayla.
He was smitten and he was an amazing father.
On March 26, 2009,
in the Dolomite Alps of Italy,
Shane and one of his best friends, J.T. Holmes,
performing a wingsuit ski BASE jump -
this is where you ski off a huge cliff, release your skis
and fly away and then eventually land.
Shane skied off this cliff, did two huge backflips,
reached down to pull off his skis, but only one came off.
You have to get both skis off in order to pull your chute;
otherwise, they could get tangled in your parachute lines.
By the time Shane got his skis off,
turned around to pull his chute,
it was too late.
My life changed forever.
There's no way to explain that kind of pain,
it's a constant circle of emotions:
fear, guilt, loss, anger,
and those words don't do justice.
It's like somebody's squeezing your throat and stepping on your chest;
you can't breathe.
In the last few years in Tahoe, our community's seen a lot of death.
Not all of it has been BASE or parachute related,
but a lot of it has.
Soon after I was asked to do this talk, one of those deaths hit close to home.
This particular death was a result of a sky diving accident
of yet another amazing friend.
I'm not an angry person, but for the first time in my life
I was overcome with anger, real raw gut-wringing​ anger.
I felt the pain of a grieving wife
and the kids that wouldn't know their father.
And I saw herself in me, and it killed me.
I was re-living Shane's passing, and I was emotionally exhausted
by so many of our friends dying way too young.
All I wanted to do is run.
I wanted to leave Tahoe, I wanted to go find a normal life,
I wanted to escape the trauma and the pain.
I've always coped with pain by riding my bike.
In fact, I actually call my bike "my boyfriend," and his name's Bronson.
(Laughter)
Riding opens my mind;
it makes me a better mother, and it lets me cry without being judged.
So, on that particular day I cried, I screamed,
and then I had an epiphany.
I thought to myself, "What am I thinking? I have no right being angry.
I get to live on this beautiful world,
I have an incredible community of people that I love,
and I have a daughter who's expecting me to be strong."
I also reminded myself that I chose this lifestyle.
After all, I married a guy who does unusual things for a living,
not a guy who works at Microsoft - no offence, Microsoft guys.
(Laughter)
And this life is my normal.
Through my epiphany, I also came to realize how much I learned from Shane
and made the decision to try my hardest
at things that I love and that I have passion for.
There were times when I was so frustrated; it was so hard for me.
Growing up, I always thought of myself as the dumb kid.
My siblings had an easy time at school, and I struggled.
I never went to college,
and I've carried out this insecurity throughout life.
School didn't agree with Shane either, but he didn't care.
He knew what he wanted to do, and he was going to do it no matter what.
Shane taught me, if I had the courage to be authentic,
hold myself into things that I love,
anything is possible.
After Shane's death, I came to realize
that the people who admired Shane were grieving for him too.
So I got together with a group of wonderful friends,
and we started the Shane McConkey Foundation.
Over the last six years, we've donated over 250.000 dollars
to causes that both Shane and I care about.
We also started the Shane McConkey Eco-Challenge,
a competition for kids, for schools nationwide,
to learn about and implement environmental change.
The response has been amazing.
And it's been an incredible process of healing, self-discovery,
and figuring out that my passion is to make a difference in the world.
I was also part of making a documentary about my husband.
Although this movie has been one of the hardest things I've ever done,
this movie has won awards, it's made people laugh and cry,
and it's inspired thousands of people all over the world;
and I've received hundreds of amazing e-mails
about how Shane has influenced somebody's life in a positive way.
And I cannot explain how amazing that feels.
It is through Shane that I learned the most about myself.
And it's through his death that I learned how to endure heartache,
overcome obstacles, and become a bigger version of me.
I persevere through his death,
and although I can't and never will be able to explain
loosing the love of my life,
I can say
that through incredible tragedy, I discovered a new me
and my story is far from over.
Being happy is not dependent on my circumstance.
Pursuing passion and living life,
really living life,
is the greatest choice I can make every day.
Thank you.
(Applause)