Every day, we hear another story
about someone calling the cops on random black people.
And now, it turns out,
it happens to famous black people, too.
Actor Ving Rhames is in the news tonight,
and it's not only his role in this weekend's blockbuster
Mission Impossible movie that has people talking.
Rhames just went public about a confrontational moment
with police in his own home.
VING RHAMES: I open the door, there's a red dot pointed
at my face from a nine millimeter.
-TV REPORTER: Oh, my gosh. -RHAMES: And they say,
"Put up your hands."
A woman called 911,
said a large black man
was breaking in to the house.
(laughter)
Come on, guys.
This shit is getting out of hand.
Not only is Ving Rhames your neighbor,
he's a super famous person.
Really? You don't recognize the guy
who's been in all these Hollywood movies?
No? That doesn't tip you off?
Or is his neighbor really dumb
and that's why he called the cops? He was just like,
"Hello, 911. The guy from Pulp Fiction
"is robbing a house.
"Yeah, it looks like he's using some kind of key
to break open the locks. Please hurry."
And by the way, have you seen Ving Rhames?
You don't need to worry about him getting robbed.
Look at that dude.
If anything, you should call 911 for the guy
who made the mistake of breaking into Ving Rhames' house.
It should be like, "Hello, 911.
Someone's about to die."
Moving on to other news.
We all know that TSA watches our every move in the airport,
but now we're learning they're also watching us in the sky.
TV REPORTER: The Washington Post reports federal air marshals
have conducted secret in-flight monitoring
of U.S. passengers for years.
The TSA says air marshals have identified passengers
raising red flags because of travel histories
or in-flight suspicious behavior,
even if they have no known terror links.
The behavior includes using the bathroom repeatedly
or sweating heavily.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Anyone sweating and going to the bathroom a lot on pla--
So basically, they're looking for terrorists or people
who have irritable bowel syndrome, which,
let's be honest, on an airplane, is basically the same thing.
It really is.
And I know the news says the story is about
the TSA monitoring Americans, but I think the real story
is that these air marshals are getting free flights.
Yeah, that sounds like a scam to me.
Yeah, so all too convenient. All of them are like,
"There's someone-- there's something fishy
"about that guy heading to the Bahamas.
"I'm gonna follow him. Yeah.
"And then I'm gonna follow that lady
"that's going to Hawaii. Uh-huh.
"Oh, yeah, what about
"that suspicious dude going to Somalia?
"No, he's cool, he's cool. He can go.
He's cool, totally cool."
Oh, finally, in international news,
an Egyptian zoo has taken exotic animals to a whole new level.
Keepers at a zoo in Egypt are accused of trying to fool
their guests with an unusual trick. Listen to this.
They are accused of painting zebra stripes
on a donkey in one of their exhibits.
Although the zoo director insists
that the animal is real,
its large ears and smudged paint job
made some people take a second look.
Okay.
Okay, now, I'll be honest with you,
I do not see the problem here.
(laughter)
I don't. First off, if you went to Egypt to see a zebra--
which, by the way, is how you say it--
you deserve to get tricked, okay?
Second, you realize this is the future of zoos, right?
Once we've killed off all the wild animals
because of our pollution and shit,
this is what we're gonna have to do.
We'll just be putting wigs on house cats, and looking like,
"Oh, look at that magnificent lion. Wow."
This is our future, people.
(applause)
And, look...
(cheering and applause)
And, by the way, I don't know why anyone is surprised.
Egyptians have been inventing animals for thousands of years.
Look at the sphinx. What is that?
What is that?
It's not a real thing.
And you know what? To be honest with you,
if that fake zebra makes one kid smile, then it's worth it.
Yeah. I think it's worth it.
'Cause, I mean, like, kids get lied to all the time, you know?
When I was a kid, my dad took me to a zoo
and showed me a camel, and then years later,
I found out the truth was he wasn't my dad.