Ugh, this hurts.
"Hunchback of Notre Dame 2".
Of ALL the films that shouldn't have a sequel, this is one of them.
And of all the films that people were telling me to beware of the most when doing these sequels, it was Hunchback of Notre Dame II.
The sad thing about it though is even though it is terrible, it's terrible for different reasons than I thought it was gonna be terrible.
I mean, don't get me wrong, the story is shit.
A circus comes into town and an evildoer wants to steal this super ritzy bell that just happens to be in Notre Dame.
It looks like any ordinary bell, but on the inside it's gorgeous and beautiful and full of treasures.
Get it? GET IT?
One of the circus performers is named Madeline, played by Jennifer Love Hewitt.
She's working with the evil villain, played by Michael McKean,
to be romantically interested with Quasimodo to lure him away from the bell so he can steal it.
Of course, a real life romance blooms between them, but, LIAR REVEALED.
It's stolen before she can confess what's really going on.
And of course she has a tragic backstory that doesn't really make sense,
She was a thief, and he's the only one that can look after her, yet -
really she could move anywhere and nobody would know about it, there's a million other ways around this.
But if that seems too heavy and dramatic for you, it's okay!
Hayley Joel Osment plays the child of Phoebus and Esmerelda!
And this introduces us to one of the biggest problems of the movie -
taking mostly Academy Award-nominated actors and just having 'em say stupid shit.
It's so hard seeing so many great actors just given a generic bullshit script to work with.
And that really is the biggest problem; the script is awful.
From the initial setup, you know everything that's gonna happen.
What every character is gonna do, when they're gonna do it, it's just ridiculous.
And why do we need an "appearances can be deceiving" story when the first one was already an "appearances can be deceiving" story?
But let's get to the toughest thing to talk about for me, and that's the animation.
This was done by TMS, the people behind Akira, Batman: the Animated Series, Animaniacs,
Some of the greatest animation I've ever seen, top 5 of all time in my book.
But I'm not gonna lie, they just don't seem like the right choice here.
Not that they can't emulate the Disney style, I mean they look like the characters fine,
It's just that this looks more like a Disney Afternoon movie.
And what I mean by that is TMS doesn't traditionally use a lot of CGI, Disney does.
TMS doesn't usually use colored lines, Disney does.
TMS's big strength is not in heartfelt emotion, but more aggressive emotion.
Akira is aggressive, Batman is aggressive.
Disney can be aggressive but it's known more for the sentimental side.
For example, when a character needs to be still TMS has them almost completely still.
Every once in a while, maybe a little movement.
With Disney, they're always somehow moving.
They have like a million in-betweeners, so when you're holding on a face it still looks like there's some movement there.
TMS doesn't function that way, it's supposed to be a little rougher.
So, the more tough emotional scenes they do fine,
When Quasimodo finally reveals himself, she steps back, she's afraid, she runs off.
That, they did great.
But scenes where it's supposed to feel whimsical, and magical, and lovey-dovey, that's just not their strong point.
I keep expecting to see Wakko Warner come out and bash someone with a mallet.
So, the animation is still good, it's just not good for this.
Which is a shame, because they do sometimes pick some very bad American projects.
So, is anything good?
Well, Michael McKean as the villain is actually not that bad.
I mean, the villain sucks, he really sucks, but the voice is legitimately kind of creepy and I never thought I'd get that out of Michael McKean.
The music's nice.
Oh, not the songs, they suck ass. These are some of the dumbest lyrics and most forgettable melodies.
I'm talking about the instrumental score.
I mean sure, it's not the first Hunchback, but again, direct to DVD, we get it, it's gonna be down a bit,
But for a direct to DVD musical score it's pretty good.
And what do you expect?I It's Carl Johnson, the guy who did Gargoyles, that's a great talent.
Outside of that, it's not much.
It's so hard to see so many great actors, so many wonderful animators, so many phenomenal talents thrown in to just the laziest, dumb ass script.
I don't even know how to fix it; what would you do with Hunchback of Notre Dame II?
It just seems like the first one ended perfectly.
I don't know, maybe there's a better writer out there that could make this work?
But for me, I'm wishing they gave this movie the Broadway-style ending.