- I'm going to an ugly Christmas sweater party tonight.
This thing's hideous. (laughs)
Hey guys, so it's almost Christmas
and in North America it's traditional to put up
a decorated Christmas tree and put presents under it.
But Christmas is celebrated all over the world,
so I decided to research the different traditions
that the rest of the world have at Christmas time,
and, oh man is the world ever a weird place.
So, I decided to share the very weirdest ones with you.
Enjoy.
Zwarte Piet
In the Netherlands Zwarte Piet translates to Black Peter,
and he's Santa's slave that accompanies
Santa to houses on Christmas day.
As well as helping Santa deliver presents on Christmas day,
he also kidnaps any kids that
didn't behave during the year.
Now the Netherlands have played this down
in recent years for obvious reasons
claiming that Black Peter's skin is black
because he's a chimney sweep.
Right, well that might pass as an excuse
except Black Peter's always depicted
as having an afro and big lips.
Racist
What?
The Caganer
In Spain, Italy and Portugal, their Nativity scenes
are a little different than what you're used to.
Their Nativity scenes include a little pooping man
called The Caganer that translates to,
wait for it, the shitter.
Their Nativity scenes are huge and often
encompass the entire town of Bethlehem,
and oftentimes, someone will actually hide
the Caganer off in the distance,
so that everyone can play a game of Find the Shitter.
The story is, apparently during Jesus' birth
there was one guy that missed it because
he was off taking a dump,
and I'm guessing that at some point
someone in Spain was like
"Hey! We should include that guy
in our Nativity scene!"
The rest of the world is clearly missing out
on this gem of a tradition.
The Yule Lads
As if Bjork wasn't enough to make you think
that Iceland was a little weird, here's one more.
In Iceland there's a bunch of traditional
Christmas characters called the Yule Lads.
They're depicted as creepy, hobo-looking old men
with names like Meat Hook, Bowl Licker
and my personal favorite, Window Peeper.
The story is that they're the sons
of mountain-dwelling trolls that come down
during the last 13 days of Christmas to cause mischief.
Oh, and did I mention that they bring
with them a cat beast that eats children
that don't get new clothes in time for Christmas?
Better hope the Gap is having a sale.
Sweet dreams, kiddies.
The Tio De Nadal
I don't get what Spain's obsession with
poop is at Christmastime.
This tradition is also known as the Caga Tio
or shitting log, which is a log that families
beat with a stick until it poops out gifts.
Yep.
The log is given a face and covered with a blanket,
and under the blanket are presents.
After the log literally has the shit beaten out of it,
the blanket is removed and the presents are revealed,
and everybody has a jolly Christmas.
Oh, and did I mention there's a song
that goes along with the severe log beating?
The lyrics are: poop log, poop,
hazel nuts and cottage cheese.
If you don't poop well, I'll hit you with a stick.
Poop log.
Nothing like threatening a log with a severe beating
to bring the family together on Christmas.
And finally, and my personal favorite, Krampus.
In the Alpine countries of Europe like
Austria, Switzerland, Germany, France and Italy,
Santa visits you with a evil demon anti-Santa named Krampus.
If you've been bad this year, not only do you
not get presents from Santa, but Krampus
drags you kicking and screaming down the bowels of Hell.
Although, to be fair, Santa doesn't always
bring Krampus with him.
No, no, sometimes he brings Perchta with him.
Perchta translates to belly slitter.
Two guesses what she does.
Sure does make getting a lump of coal for Christmas
sound appealing, doesn't it?
So now you know how some of the rest of the world
celebrates Christmas, and I suggest you use some
of your new-found knowledge to
impress your friends at Christmastime.
Next time you're at a friends house during the holidays,
pop a squat next to their Nativity scene
and tell them you're reenacting the Caganet.
I'm sure they'll be impressed.
Have a fun and safe holiday,
and Merry Christmas you filthy animal.
(gunfire)
And a Happy New Year.
(gunshot)
(digital music)
Seriously, check out this sweater I got.
This thing's ridiculous.
It's massive too.
It used to belong to either Oprah or Santa Claus.
It's ridiculous.
It's actually got a Christmas fire-breathing dragon on it,
and someone actually had to make this thing
cause it has no tag on it.
5.99, Goodwill.