Hello, and welcome to another--another Vlogmas day
that is starting - Matilda, what are you doing? - another Vlogmas day starting in bed
is what I'm trying to say
in my super croaky voice.
Today, Clara and I are going to actually have a bit of a self-care day
because I feel like I must leave the house.
You know when you get a bit of cabin fever.
This is gonna sound weird, but I think other people who have a reduced immune system
that goes along with a wider disability
will get what I'm saying
in that I really, really like when I get an illness
that's only physical.
So when I get some kind of awful cold and it's just in my throat and in my chest
and gummy [?] and all of my joints hurt right now.
They all really hurt.
But something like that, where my head is clear,
that is my favourite kind of ill.
As long as my cognitive function isn't impaired any more than it normally is.
I'm quite happy.
So I'm very excited. We're going to go out today. I've got some more--got some stuff that I need to pick up
for some videos
that I'm doing this week
that I'm not going to tell you about, because obviously I want you to keep watching
I'm going to keep surprising you every day with stuff
and some presents that I need to pick up
but most excitingly, I'm going to get my nails done!
So, they've got a gel manicure underneath
which is like a French-tipped manicure
but then that started to grow out, so then I cut them.
Cut the white tips off and I painted them red
and now it's all just chipped and
not good.
So I'm going to go really Christmassy today
is the plan.
That's just--that's just atrocious.
That's not good
And what is that?
All right, I appear to have injured my hand.
[Laughing]
This is my life, seriously.
I kind of look at my body going, "What? How did I injure myself there?"
God. Who knows?
Tilly isn't going today. She's staying in bed.
Aww, but I think that's OK, she seems pretty pooped
actually, from the weekend, still.
You pooped, Tills?
Aw, yeah.
OK, so right now I feel like my body is absolutely on fire.
Oh, my God.
Part of my POTS is that my body cannot regulate its own temperature.
So, it can go from being - oh, that's a really random bit of hair -
so it can go from being very cold
to very hot.
And it doesn't matter where I am - or it does, because if I get in a really hot bath,
my body can go from being like, "Oh, my God, this bath's so hot"
"My body's so cold, argh, it's really awful"
and then my entire body just ["flames" noise] and I'm overheating
and I feel like my brain is actually boiling in my skull.
But I can also just be outside
in the freezing cold
and my body suddenly is like [screams] "Fire!"
Or summer's day.
and I get so cold my lips turn blue and I start shaking and chattering my teeth.
and my body starts shutting down and I just effectively go to sleep.
It's always what happens. It's always the end result. My body just goes to sleep.
What am I doing?
Clothes! I'm putting clothes on.
Thought I might wear this dress today.
It's real pretty.
This one's from Collectif.
It's one of Claud's favourite dresses on me.
She doesn't like polka dots, but she likes the polka dots on this dress
because the spots are not too bright.
Have I told you this already?
I forgot, I told you this already. Yes.
In my Collectif Brand Review
which you can go and watch!
I'm wearing clothes!
Yeah! Including this cute little jumper.
Look at this. It has a swan on!
Aww.
It's so cute. It's actually Claud's.
I just...I just took it for the day
Oo, my taxi.
So good!
C: Heyy.
Merry...half-way to Christmas, everyone.
As you can see, Jessica's getting her nails done
and I just arrived because my appointment's later.
I don't know, I've never gotten my nails done before.
But Jessica likes it, and I'm a good friend.
So, here I am.
And I realised I am looking straight into the monitor, I am so sorry.
Hey.
Anyway, yeah, Jessica's getting her manicure done
and I'm getting a polish and [questioningly] they are gonna be painted.
I'm not sure.
It's my first time, like I said. But, it should be fun.
And then we're gonna have a day around and we'll keep you posted
as we do, and also
check out my Christmas jumper.
It's little pugs!
Well, I'm not sure if they are pugs or just puppies.
Right now, I'm choosing between two.
One of them's called Spoiled, can you see it?
That one there. I love that I have to point with my little.
That one there. But then I also really like this one
here, which is a little shimmery.
It's not got so much glitter
but then we were thinking
that this one's more Christmassy
and that one's probably just nice for general.
So we're going to go to a cafe purely because it has a swing in the window.
C: And I'm...fine with that J: We're going to sit on the swing! Come on.
J: [Sing-song voice] Oh, we have pretty nails!
C: We do. J: Yes, we do.
J: Mine are really Christmassy, I love them.
C: Mine are Christmassy in their own way, like
it's a forest green!
J: I had to talk her out of black.
C: And I'm wearing my most colourful Christmas jumper!
C: It has doggies!
J: She's not even kidding, that genuinely is her most colourful jumper.
J: So we were just talking about self-care.
because obviously...it was leading on from our beautiful nails.
I love my nails.
And we were thinking about how self-care is a really different thing
when you're someone who has a disability
or an illness
whether that's physical or mental.
C: Yeah. J: Compared to self-care
J: just in general.
C: But also self-care means really different things for different people.
C: Yeah, this conversation got it's spark [?] because
Jessica has a physical disability and I have struggled with anxiety
and we thought it's--you know, you have to take care of yourself; it's just very different.
J: 'Cause I did have a few times--OK, someone's said, "Oh, so what have you just been up to?"
I'm like, "Oh, I've just been for a massage and then I'm just gonna get a taxi to this place,"
and they're like, "Oh, how nice for you!"
I'm like, "..."
Now I know that both of those things are "luxuries"
to other people.
but then it's not a luxury if it's something that you need and something that you don't have an alternative to.
C: Yeah. And before you all say, "Why don't you take the bus?"
It's really uncomfortable to have people looking at you
and judging, "Why is this pretty girl sitting on the bus?" and I feel it myself just by being on a bus with Jessica.
J: It's not so much the--it's just that busses are so tiring.
C: That, too. J: Because you have to walk to the bus stop
and then it doesn't come on time
'cause it never comes on time
and just like the waiting in the cold.
Potentially--the colder I get, the harder it is for me to function.
C: When we go together, I always stand next to Jessica to try and prove a point, like
she's my friend, she's sitting in the disabled seat,
and I'm standing, even if the other seat is empty
because I think that's a helpful way to try and...
J: Yeah. But for many, many disabled people, a taxi is the only way
to get around.
I can't drive.
And I actually get provision from the government to enable me to pay for taxis.
And then a massage seems like, "Oh, that's really luxurious and a nice way to treat yourself"
It's like no.
I have to do that otherwise I'm in deep pain. Horrific pain.
I have to have a deep tissue massage.
And I put them off because they are expensive.
I obviously do not get help paying for a massage.
But I also don't get physio.
Thanks, NHS.
Because I have a life-long condition, so they don't give you physio for that.
I would quite like to walk around everywhere, I think it's quite nice.
C: I love it.
In fact, my ability to walk is so much better in hot countries.
I have mobility [?] Clearly, my muscles are always floppy, but they tend to get quite taut.
C: Uh huh.
It's quite nice. I'm unsure whether the lady outside is looking at us or not.
No? No, she's walking away.
C: Bye, lady!
C: You need that freaking massage. J: Yeah.
C: But what is self-care, Jessica?
J: What are the things I do to look after myself? C: Yes.
J: Mmm, my hair.
C: That. J: I guess I don't NEED to do my hair
J: but it makes me really happy
to have nice hair.
My make-up, as well.
'Cause that's the thing, with a physical disability, like you're saying what are self-care things that aren't needs?
And so many things are classed as needs, so like having a hot bath.
I can't do showers, I have to have baths.
For some people, that's like, "Ooo, luxury, self-care, gonna get in the bubble bath, so nice."
And I'm like, "Well that's the only way I can wash, so..."
Yeah, you get people--even I get people asking, "Does Jessica really do hair and make-up every day? Come on"
"She can't be [?] every day," and I'm like, "Genuinely, it makes her happy
and she can control it."
J: Yeah. I wrote that on Twitter and I think it's one of my most 'liked' things I've ever written.
is that I really love my hair, because it's the only part of my body that I can control.
You know, I can't do anything about that. Can't do anything about my limbs that occasionally don't work.
My eye.
And so it's nice to have something that you can actually say,
"Hang on, this is mine. I want it to look this way today."
And then it does!
C: Yeah.
If you're wondering: yes, I did do my hair and my make-up every day
while I was in hospital and I saw no one, except doctors
and nurses
and other patients.
because it's me and it's a part of me, and it helps me to hang onto who I am.
No matter what's happening around me.
C: Would you say nails is self-care? Does it make you happy?
J: Nails do make me happy.
Nails make me happy because I don't--
OK, so, I think body positivity - to use the term -
is all about loving your body and loving every part of your body
and for some people they struggle with loving like their thighs or their stomach, or something like that,
and I struggle to love my hands
because I drop stuff that I love.
I drop my favourite stuff all the time.
I constantly mess things up.
So, I'll be like--I just smudge stuff. I hate that.
I can't tell when they've got dirt on, so I tend to leave dirty fingerprints
Yeah, so I struggle to love my hands.
And I think--I just think them being pretty is quite helpful.
C: Well, yeah, I think--I think this is what this video's about: what works for you.
J: And what helps you, my love?
C: Well, first of all...I've got anxiety issues, let's just leave it there.
I've got my own anxieties.
J: Aw. C: So whatever I say is just my own way to cope with it.
J: Yeah, yeah. C: I'm not saying it's going to work for you.
C: I'm not saying you should be doing what I'm doing
but if any of these tips are helpful to you - yay?
Let us know in the comments.
Doing my nails is not my type of thing
to begin with.
I'm not into that type of self-care, like, I've never been a person who goes to get nails done or hair done
but when I was like peaking with my anxiety levels,
many people would come to me like, "You should try meditation, you should try yoga."
[Censored swearing] meditation--oops, sorry.
J: Sorry, I thought you said picking.
J: Sorry!
C: No, like--like peak.
J: When you were at the peak!
C: When I was at the peak, you know, people would always come with the freaking meditation
and that just doesn't work for me.
J: Hey, they also come up to the girl in the wheelchair and they're like,
"Have you thought your energy is blocked and that's why your legs don't work?"
I have tried, and that just doesn't work, because I feel trapped in my own head.
But, I have realised that to me, self-care is investing money in my self-defence and kick boxing classes.
J: Oh, how cool is that?
C: I know, right?
C: To me, it turns out that self-care is investing money in those classes
Two hours a week, I am punching; I am kicking; I'm getting punched.
C: And...I really like it! For two hours, I am not anxious. For two hours, I am following my teacher.
J: Which is amazing!
C: And, you know what? It's the best money I spend every week.
C: There you go.
J: Well, good.
C: There's obviously the occasional glass of white wine that I also have,
but self-medicating is not a good idea, but...
J: I don't know, I think a good glass of wine has got many a person through a difficult evening.
C: Yeah. I mean, I'm talking about a glass. Not a bottle.
On a bad day, so...
J: Not a box of wine.
C: With girls, right [?] J: Just the one glass.
C: Or hard cheese.
J: It works? C: I don't know, it makes me feel great.
Just wine and cheese.
If I'm having a bad day.
Stranger: Oh, you're beautiful! J: Thank you!
Stranger: You're beautiful, too! C: Oh, thank you, I appreciate that!
C: This is the first time that's happened. "Oh, you too."
J: I mean, right now this swing is making me very happy.
C: Yeah, I'm entertained. J: I cannot wait
J: I made Claudia promise me that in our next house,
we're gonna have a garden with a swing
and yes, it will supposedly be for our children.
But no, it won't be really. Just for me.
C: And also, as a stubborn person, who likes to do everything by herself,
if you're struggling, asking for help - to your family, your friends, your partner...whoever you have -
C: I know it's hard, but if you need it, reach out. J: Do it.
J: There is no weakness in asking for help.
C: If like me, your own brain bothers you,
and you think meditation is BS
(I can't swear on this channel, apparently)
so if you find meditation and that type of stuff absolute rubbish,
J: Maybe kick something. C: Yeah, maybe go punch and kick other women
C: who are also there having a good time.
C: It's an all-women class, I must say. J: You really make it sound like Fight Club.
J: Your face looks quite good.
C: Yeah, we don't punch each other, we punch the shields. J: Your fists don't, though.
When you're holding the shield and someone sucker punches you or kicks you,
like, that is cool.
I promise.
C: It's very empowering J: You're basically just getting high from violence. OK.
C: I am very violent.
C: Very confrontational.
J: What's your idea of self-care?
Tell us.
C: Let us know.
J: And also, comment on how pretty my nails are.
You know you want to.
So pretty.
Hello.
We've just stepped into a pub, because we realised that we have a Skype call.
Gotta do a work call.
Hey, Clara.
C: We can totally do it. [?]
J: Whayy
So we're going to sit down and do that, and answer some emails.
Yay! Because they keep piling up.
Gotta jump on top of them.
Hii! We're back!
Oop! Tilly, what are you doing?
What are you doing, Tills? You're supposed to be saying hello.
I am, I'm getting angry hungry. Hungry angry? Angry hungry. Hangry.
And I actually feel like I have knives in my throat.
Like there are a collection of knives in my throat.
Aww, but then, but then this happens.
Hi, chica!
Hello!
You make everything better, don't you, Tills?
You do, you make everything better.
[Croakily] Hello.
[Coughs] Oh, that's nice.
I'm sorry I stopped filming. We just came home and I was like, "...No."
"I cannot with life."
Claudia: I look awful.
C: You still look--at least you look... I look how you feel.
J: I feel so bad!
J: I feel so bad I want to cry.
C: I'm going to "cheers" out Lemsips.
J: Oh, Lemsip.
Lemsip fun.
Yeah, we made the Lemsip, and now we're going to go to bed, even though it's like...eight.
No, is it--it's seven thirty? It's like seven thirty, basically.
I'm going to upload this video, wahey.
Woah! So nice, so bright, except then.
Woah.
Oh, well done. Well done, camera. That's a good job.
Let's go to bed, guys. Let's go to bed.
[Joy to the World instrumental]