This is the practice of the 4th Mindfulness Training
loving speech and deep listening
A bodhisattva is someone who can talk,
can speak with a kind of language
called gentle, loving speech.
A bodhisattva is someone who can listen with compassion.
And if you train
for three days
you might become a bodhisattva.
And you might talk to him or to her
with that kind of language
and you might listen to him or to her
with that kind of compassion.
You don't have to practice ten years in order to do that.
A few days may be enough.
Father, daddy, I know you have suffered so much
in the past many years.
I was not able to help you suffer less.
Instead,
I have reacted angrily
in such a way that makes the situation worse.
Daddy, it is not my intention to make you suffer.
That's only because I didn't see the suffering in you.
I did not understand the suffering in you.
So please daddy,
tell me what is in your heart.
Tell me what is in the difficulties,
the despair,
the conflict in your heart.
Please help me
so that I will understand.
If I understand,
I will not react like the way I have in the past.
Please help me.
If you don't help me,
who will help?
That is the kind of loving speech.
Kindness that you can do,
you can use.
If you learn to look in such a way that
you can see suffering in that person
and recognize the roots of the suffering in him or her,
it's like a doctor.
If the doctor does not see the nature of the sickness,
he cannot help,
she cannot help the patient.
It's like the psychotherapist...
If she doesn't understand truly the suffering...
the cause of suffering of her patient,
she cannot help.
That is why understanding suffering
is a crucial practice in Buddhist tradition.
In fact, the First Noble Truth is suffering,
and the Second Noble Truth is
the cause, the nature, the root of suffering.
If you are able to speak like that,
the other person will open his heart
and tell you what is in his heart.
And now you have an opportunity to practice
"deep listening"
to practice "compassionate listening."
Compassionate listening is a wonderful practice.
You can listen for one hour with compassion.
You help the other person suffer much less
in one hour.
Compassionate listening is a kind of listening
that has compassion as essence.
Because if you do not practice mindfulness of compassion,
you cannot listen very long.
You might have a good intention
to listen to him or her
in order to help him or her suffer less.
Your intention might be very good.
But if you do not know the practice of mindfulness of compassion,
you may lose your capacity of listening.
Because what the other person says
might be full of wrong perceptions,
might be full of bitterness,
accusation, blames.
And that might touch irritation and anger in you
and you lose your capacity to listen to him or to her.
That is why you have to train yourself first
before you begin the practice with him or her.
You have to have the time to look
and see the suffering in him, in her.
You must be ready before you practice.
And during the time of the practice,
you should maintain
mindfulness of compassion alive.
Mindfulness of compassion means
you are aware,
you remember that
you listen to him or to her
with only one purpose.
That is to help him or help her
empty their heart and suffer less.
I am listening to him
with only one purpose: to help him suffer less.
Therefore if he say wrong things,
if he is bitter,
if he blames,
I still continue to listen.
He may say wrong things
but I am not going to interrupt him.
Because if I interrupt him,
and correct him
then I transform the session into a debate.
And that will ruin everything.
So breathe in and out mindfully,
during the whole session of listening,
and remember just one thing:
Listening to that person,
I only have one purpose:
give him a chance to suffer less.
Just remember one thing
throughout the session.
And you can tell yourself that...
his misunderstanding, his judgement...
these are prejudices and misunderstanding.
In a few days
I will have a chance to give him
to offer him some information
so that he can correct his perception. But not now.
Now is only to listen.
And if you can keep that alive in your heart,
in your mind,
by listening with only one purpose,
not to correct, but to allow him a chance
to speak out to suffer less,
just then it's called "mindfulness of compassion."
And if you can keep your mindfulness of compassion
during one hour,
when you listen to him or her,
you are a bodhisattva.
Because the energy of compassion
is in your heart,
you are inhabited by the energy of compassion,
you are safe.
And if compassion is there,
what the other person is saying
even with a lot of wrong perceptions,
even with bitterness, anger, blames, or accusations,
you are safe.
Because you are protected by compassion.
The best protection is
the protection with compassion.
So you can sit there
and listen for one hour or more.
Of course you have the right to tell him or her the truth,
but not now, later on.