What would Dr. Paul know about how to be an effective working mom? Well, I've been
paying attention but I brought a friend today. Michelle McCullough is going to help
us out with that. My hat goes off. I don't have a hat on. I should have worn one.
It's metaphorical. But if I had a hat it would go off to you.
The working mom. Wow! huge, huge task that you're taking on.
First of all, parenting so important and thank you for being a subscriber here on
our positive parenting playlist. You're going to find all kinds of resources there.
We want to talk about you today how do you be an effective working mom? I
brought one in. It's my friend Michelle McCullough. She's an entrepreneur. She's
an expert. She's a genius on things like marketing and social media and business
development. She's been an entrepreneur for probably her whole adult life. I'm
part of her early teens or late teens. So, what do I know about being a working mom?
Well I know how to bring in. Can you help us with that? Absolutely. Michelle. Because
you know what it's like right? You've been in the trenches and it's not easy
to balance all of that. There's no such thing as balance. But you found some
magic sauce right? Found priorities, right? Priorities, principles. Absolutely. Talking
to me? Yeah. I was raised by an amazing single mother and so I watched her raise
four kids and have a full-time job for from the time I was about eight years
old. And what's amazing is I look back on that and she made it look easy. That
doesn't mean it wasn't hard and that doesn't mean that I didn't see her do
hard things or that she didn't struggle. But she figured out how to make it all
work. And so when I was approaching being a working mom, I thought, "oh this is going to
be easy. I know what it's like. I saw a great role
model. It totally works and it turns out, it looks it's a little bit harder in
real life than just watching it. Mom made it look easy. She did. She made it look easy.
Which kind of just come in about that real quick. We come by our thoughts and
our perceptions honestly. Hm-hmm. You know what I mean?
Because as little kids we see a role model and we see how our parents handle
things and when you mentioned that you were raised by a really phenomenal,
loving, single mom who is a working mom. You got to view an example of how this
can work. And unfortunately, a lot of us don't necessarily have that same
experience but you've been able to take that experience and and analyze and come
up with, "okay what's working about that that might not be working in some other
cases? So I just wanted to comment about the value of that experience having been
raised by an effective single mom. Yeah. She did it. She seemed to have
it all together and like I said I can remember challenges and I can
remember times that she was tired but you know as an adult as I have become
this, I always thought I would be a stay-at-home mom and that that would
mean my path. But you know circumstances change and for a variety of reasons if
you find yourself a working mom. I'm not going to admit that I have it all
together or that I figured out all the pieces. But I have figured out some
things that work for me. That help make me feel like I'm empowered in my roles
rather than feeling like I'm always coming up short. Now this is true.
Whether you're single or married because our focus today is on the working mom
and whether it's unfortunate or just the nature of the beast in terms of how
our world is now. A lot of moms are working whether they're single or not.
And there's particular challenges. I think if you're not in a committed to marriage or
relationship. But there's some principles that go to the working mom whether
they're single or married because you are happily married, yes, and working, yes
and a mom, yes. Okay, share with us some of what you've learned. Well, I think
first and foremost, I am an avid planner and so I realize that I have the
exact same minutes in the day as anybody else and it's my choice how to use them
and invest them. And so for some of us, planning becomes is a little bit more
second nature. I think for me, it's more second nature, for some people it feels
foreign. But one of the things that I realized is the greatest investment I
can give my kids and the greatest investment I can give my business is the
way that I spend my time. And so I'm going to be really strategic about how I
use those minutes as a gift. Just like I would be strategic about how I use my
money like a budget. And so I sit down once a week. Sometimes Sunday evening
sometimes Monday mornings and I will sit down and just plan the week. What are the
things that need to get done, what are the kids things that I need to be
responsible for and then when can I schedule time in for me. And so that's
one of my biggest tips for working moms is when are you scheduling time in for
you to do the things that you love. And it doesn't have to be things that cause
money. It can be taking a hot bath, that can be reading a book, it can be
going for a walk. But every week I try to schedule in the things that I need to
fill my well. And that has been one of the biggest game changers because my mom
I remember her. She'd come home from work and she'd say, "I just need a five-minute
nap." And she would go into her room. she'd set a timer and she'd take a five minute nap.
Now a five minute nap would do nothing for me. Okay, that would not
even scrape the surface. That worked for your mom. She feel more rested but it works for her and she
loved it and she would get up and she'd be peppy and she'd be happy and she'd
get dinner on the table. And she'd still read books and did other
things. I also would go to sleep at night with her watching one episode of Cheers
and I could hear her giggle from the other room. And so whatever it is for you.
Whether it's a favorite show or favorite something. Find something that you love
whether it's playing tennis, reading a book, exercising. Schedule. those
things in because that's really critical. Now you know Michelle what the
resistance is. Absolutely. Because you've been there. You know and you've done a
lot of training with particularly women in business and it's interesting that
this came up as a priority. Yes. I thought of another image as you were sharing
that Michelle that, "Oh I've really got to get to this place and
so I'm driving in my truck." Right? I've really got to get to this place and I've
got to get there on time. I don't have time to fuel up. Right. It says it's
almost empty on my fuel gauge but I don't have time to fuel up because I've
got places to be, right? Right. That's the image that came to my mind. Probably more
to fill up the gas, right? Yeah. But here's the thing that I realized and one of the
other things that I have implemented for myself is I'm really big on a power up
or a morning routine. So I'll get up just 15 minutes when I first started reading
about it it was an hour and I did not have an hour. But 15 minutes in the
morning to read something that I like to read. Something motivational, look at
my goals, look at my calendar, look at the things that matter most for
me. I realized that even that one thing, that 15 minutes was something that was a
game-changer. If I woke up to the alarm or woke up to the kids screaming or if I
woke up to a buzz on my phone that there's something already blowing up
before I even started my day, then I felt behind all day long. But if I took that
15 to 20 minutes at the beginning of the day, filled my well, that I had enough in
my reserves to give to other people and to own my roles and to love my kids and
to love my businesses and my team. And so it was really important for me to take
that time for me so that I could give to other people. Because if you're running
on empty, busy working mom, I feel you but fill yourself up so that you can really
give to the roles that matter most. Fill up. Fuel up. Get your reserves on board.
Power up. Give yourself that energy. You know it's the greatest gift that you
can give to the people who are most important first. I mean your family, your
spouse, your kids, the best gift you can give them is a fully functioning mom.
Absolutely. Right? Who's happy and cheerful and positive. We got other
videos. It's important, right? That creates an energy in those relationships and
that helps us helps to sustain you. But then at another level, what about your
clients or your employer or the people that you serve as you go share your
precious life energy with them you're committing a lot of time and
energy to your work and so it's important to bring the best person that
you can to that equation as well. I love the way that you're putting that in
perspective for us Michelle. I had one dear friend who was a co-worker of mine
in a combination event that we had done together and I remember saying what are
you doing for you? She just seemed haggard, ragged and completely
overwhelmed and she goes, "oh I put myself last because obviously things
my kids need things and I'll take care of me last." And while I appreciate that
badge that you're carrying and that you're helping for other people, just
making a simple switch to give yourself some time not the whole day and
sometimes you need it though. If you do, take take it. But give yourself
permission to make yourself a priority because that makes all the
difference mentally. And to bring up your point I feel like the best thing I can
give my kids is me being happy and positive. I absolutely love my life and
if I'm walking around always talking about how busy I am or how tired I am or
how challenging things are or how I don't have enough time to get things
done, I'm not showing them how awesome life can be. And the things that I do are
wonderful and powerful and important. And what I want them to see is life is good
and things can be happy and you can take care of the things that you need to and
not constantly running behind. And so right and it's not about time management.
It's really about the mental clarity and the ways that you approach being an
effective working mom. It's a misnomer. You can't manage time. You can't save
time where would you keep it, right? You can't save it up for tomorrow.
All you can do is spend it. So you're saying be clear about your priorities.
Yes. and make sure that you are on the list. You know what Michelle, I had a
working mom, this is probably a decade ago who was sitting here on my couch and
as she was expressing just how burdensome her life was at the moment.
And that's real. Honestly, yeah there's a lot of reasons she felt that way. But I asked
her I handed her a legal pad and I said would you just make a quick list of
everything and everyone that you're taking care of right now?
Let's just brain dump but let's get it on the list and then we'll figure out
what to do with it from there. So she starts writing. Oh she's going furiously.
She turns the page, she writes. Right? And then she starts to slow down and she
thinks a little more and yes. Okay I said, "is that everybody? Is that everything?"
Yeah I think I got it. It's like five pages right? She hands it over to me. I
take a quick look guess who's missing? She did not
put herself on the list. Didn't even think to write who's taking care of you.
Now, this is where people get a little stuck sometimes because they say, "well my
husband should be taking care of me or my my church should be taking care of me
or my employer should be..." Okay, regardless of who should be, whose
primary responsibility is that to take care of you. I can't expect anyone else to do it for me.
I'm going to be the bad cop here. You should. Because I can't expect anyone else to do
for me what I'm not willing to do for myself. And I can't expect my husband or
my kids or my staff to fill holes that I'm not willing to fill. And if I
don't make myself a priority, then I can't expect them to make themselves a
priority. I want everyone to show up to the table their best selves and I have
to take that responsibility for me too. That creates a dynamic too because maybe
you've seen this with your husband. I certainly have with my wife. When we take
better care of ourselves, we show up better for our spouse too, for
each other. So it sets a different dynamic there in the relationship. And again all
things in priority, I'll schedule time with my husband. I consider date night to
be just as important as meeting with a client or lunch with a friend and I
schedule time with each of my kids. And so it's not like I'm putting myself
above and squeezing out my important relationships right? I schedule all of
those things in my week. Myself included so that all of my roles are getting the
best of me. That way we keep it all in a context and
we keep that perspective that you so skillfully Illustrated
today. Thank you so much for sharing those ideas. Thank you. Okay, all you working moms
or other people who love working moms, find somebody to share this with. Let's
spread the positivity.