Elementary school-- it's that special time in your life
when you find out if you're a bully
or if you can fit into a locker.
But now the state of New Jersey is worried
that schools have stopped teaching the important stuff.
NEWSWOMAN: Learning cursive...
may soon be making a return to schools in New Jersey.
Yeah, a state lawmaker has introduced a bill requiring
elementary school students to learn to read and write
in script by the end of the third grade.
Many schools stopped mandating cursive in 2019.
If passed, cursive would be required
by the next full school year.
Okay, I'm sorry, what? Lawmakers in New Jersey
are pushing for schools to start teaching cursive again?
While they're at it, why not teach the kids to drive wagons
and churn their own butter for lunch?
Just have kids in the cafeteria like, "Hark, I am famished
"from a day's journey hunting the Pokémon.
Hath thou a Tide pod for my repast?"
Guys, it's 2019. We don't need cursive anymore.
Okay? And, like, we should be able to admit
that it's always looked pretty stupid.
Like, try and write a capital "G."
It just looks like a drunk-ass music note.
-(laughter) -It's like, "What are you?"
(descending pitch): "Eh-eh."
And the arguments for the law honestly don't make any sense.
Right? Like, one New Jersey lawmaker says,
"Kids need to learn cursive,
because that's how they wrote the Constitution."
What does that mean? What does that mean?
Like, you don't need to learn cursive
to read the Constitution.
Also, not everyone needs to read the Constitution.
All right? They might have a job where it's not important.
Like accountant, or president of the United States.
-(laughter) -(air horn blowing)
(cheering, applause)
Here's the thing, man-- this happens every generation.
Right? This always happens.
Young people adapt to new technology,
and then old people want everyone to learn
how they learned.
I wouldn't be shocked if in 50 years
we'll be complaining about our grandkids like,
"I hate how kids don't text with their thumbs anymore!
"Phones just scan your texts now.
"In my day, from your brain, you couldn't do that.
"You had to look down at your phone like a real person
"and walk into things head first!
That's how we kept our brains hard!"
All right, but let's move on to the world of art.
People are always searching for new ways
to express the human condition,
and also to find cool ways to take people's money.
And this next exhibit from Art Basel in Miami
may be the greatest scam of all time.
Two inexpensive, everyday items
-are now passing for pricey works of art. -Hmm.
A banana
duct-taped to a wall is now selling for $150,000
at a Miami art festival.
The piece is titled Comedian.
Two earlier editions have already sold
for $120,000 each.
(laughter)
I honestly don't know what to think about this,
because...
on the one hand, I guess this banana is a comment
on how all art is temporary
and eventually everything withers and dies,
but... on the other hand,
-it's a (bleep) banana taped to the wall. -(laughter)
Because honestly, I don't know about a banana as art.
All I know is I want art with a long shelf life.
Could you imagine if you bought Michelangelo's David,
and the next day it turns all brown and mushy?
(laughter)
What's also crazy is that the artist sold
three of those bananas for over a hundred thousand dollars each.
You know the person I feel really bad for?
Is the guy at the grocery store selling him those bananas.
Yeah. Because think about it, the first time the artist
comes in, he buys it, like, "Yeah, 50 cents."
The second time he comes in, 50 cents.
Then the guy at the grocery store sees it on Twitter,
and he's like, "Wait, what?!"
Next time the artist comes in, he's like,
"Can I get another banana?" He says, "Yeah, $20,000.
I'm an artist, too."