I appreciate it. It's a nice place, nice space you got here.
Cool scene, a balcony. Cool town you live in.
My first time here I saw down the street there was a New York
style pizzeria which is kind of a coincidence because I was in
I was in New York and there was a Provo style pizzeria
[ laughter ]
Am I pronouncing it correctly?
Pizzeria? Is that how you say it?
I'm curious about this crowd.
A little survey by round of applause. How many and plan on
partying all night long tonight by a round of applause.
[ applause ]
And how many want to be in bed by eleven thirty.
[ loud applause ]
I see I get it. Those are the same people who got
naps this afternoon, right?
Two naps, some of you.
I got a little nap this afternoon watch till I fell
asleep watching a football game that I didn't care
too much about.
Now you know how is it watching the game.
I was watching the game of the players was 6'1" 208
pounds.
Which is exactly what I am.
I had no idea I was in such great shape.
Might try out for the Broncos next year, something like that.
I was a good athlete when I was younger.
I was a quarterback. I thought I might make
it to the pros a lot of people thought I might make
it to the pros but I blew my knee out
when I was in kindergarten.
Just had to switch gears. Change careers.
I remember my first day of kindergarten I was thinking
about it the other day it's been a long time but I still
remember.
Does anybody else remember that?
Yeah. You were there? You were at my first
day of kindergarten.
That's right you haven't changed a bit.
Little bit taller but.
You know I remember my mom she didn't tell me anything.
No I got no...
She just said, she said get in there they're
going to feed you a little bit later.
That's all she told me. I didn't know what was going on.
They started teaching the alphabet.
I thought they were reading off the menu.
A is for apple. No.
B is for banana. Not interested.
C is for Cake.
Cake.
D is for dog.
What the heck kind of place is this.
I don't want to eat dog.
E is for elephant I don't want that either.
I know the answer to the first question
I was kind of scared. I just sat there quiet
The teacher asked me a question I just sat there
scared and she came up and started screaming at me
The first day she's going, "Are you, are you dense?"
Just tell us are you dense or what?"
I said, "It's pronounced Dennis.
Get it right."
Then at the end of the day there's an announcement over
the loudspeaker said all pedestrians get to leave
five minutes early. The teacher comes up says, "Dennis
you're a pedestrian aren't you?" I said, "No I'm not. I'm a
a Catholic
but if I can get out five minutes early I'll convert
to pedestrianism."
I will convert
I didn't like school. I never liked school.
I didn't do that well in school. I was kind of a slow reader.
You might be a slow reader and you don't even know.
This is how I can tell tell if you are when you go to the
movies and the film begins with like that written
description of what happened in the past.
Do you get like a little anxiety attack?
'Cause you don't know how long it's going to be up there.
Like at home if you rent the movie you'll put it on pause.
I might even rewind this one and read it all over again.
You know Star Wars they begin, it begins like that but that's
the rolling words where everybody's going, "Oh man
I'm not getting any of this.
A long time ago, another galaxy
there was some space people or something."
I could never read all the books I was given
to read in class.
I was always taking those tests on books I haven't even read.
The teacher wants to know if you read the books.
She'd ask questions like, "Who helped Tom
build the canoe?"
We'll try for partial credit here.
How about Tom's friend.
I'm sure Tom had a friend in the book.
Why wouldn't you help them build the canoe?
If he was a good friend he would have helped him out.
I love taking tests. You remember stuff like this?
Who won the Peloponnesian War?
The Peloponnesian people.
The people of Peloponnesia.
You know what else am I going to put.
One time as a little kid I got an F on my report card and
I changed it before I got home.
I was stupid. I got caught.
I should've just changed it to a B
but I changed to an F+.
[ laughter ]
Tried to pull my average up a little bit.
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