hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about 10 habits that make people
dislike you now let's begin number one tuning out do you tune people out this frustrating habit can
instantly drive people away because people want to be heard when they speak they want to know that
you're listening they shouldn't wonder whether or not you're paying attention if you're not
people may stop talking to you so why is listening so important let's say your friend's telling
you about their day they had a frustrating conversation with their boss this morning
now they need to let off steam instead of listening to their complaints you tune them out
you get lost in your thoughts and you don't hear a word they're saying so what happens when your
friend realizes that you're not listening instead of relieving their frustration you're making it
worse as a friend they trust you to be there for them but you're not over time poor listening
skills can damage your friendships it works the same way with strangers if you ask someone
a question but you don't listen to the answer they're going to assume that you just don't care
they'll stop liking you because you aren't showing interest now if you're a poor listener practice
paying attention to the people around you because this bad habit can turn the world against you
number two 24 7 questions some people talk about themselves way too much they constantly tell
stories they use i in every sentence now naturally people get annoyed at how narcissistic they sound
but what about people who never talk about themselves in many ways that's just as bad
it's weird when someone avoids talking about their own life yeah it's fun and easy to
answer questions and talk about yourself but a real connection has to be reciprocal
this comes from a 2013 study in the journal of experimental social psychology researchers found
that reciprocal conversations form the strongest bonds sometimes you ask questions and they answer
but after a few minutes you should switch now they ask questions and you answer this exchange
has to go both ways so when the conversation is reciprocal it increases closeness perceived
similarity and personal enjoyment in other words it makes the conversation more fun for everyone
involved so remember it's good to ask questions but questions can't be the only thing you say
number three disguising your strengths this frustrating habit is all too common in the
world today when an arrogant person wants to appear modest they do something called
humble bragging it's like a brag disguised as a compliment or a complaint people humble brag
when they want to show off but they don't want others to think they're bragging they pretend like
they're not actually bragging but everyone knows what they're doing let's say you drive a nicer car
than your friend you know that your car is much faster and more expensive than theirs but you
don't want to say it outright so you say something like hey i like how quiet and comfortable your
car is mine's so loud and sporty on the surface this sounds like a compliment but in truth you're
bragging about having a nicer car and your friend can see right through you this humble brag is
intentional and it's obvious but many people do it without realizing you may humble brag
about your strengths as though their weaknesses or maybe you downgrade your most amazing experiences
both of these can ruin another person's opinion of you so here's a simple rule you can follow if you
think something is a strength a gift or a luxury don't pretend that it isn't as soon as you start
pretending others start rolling their eyes number four uncomfortable secrets secrets bring people
closer together sharing the secrets like telling someone you trust them and that builds a stronger
connection but not all secrets create fast friendships some secrets actually push people away
so what separates a helpful secret from a hurtful secret
helpful secrets are interesting funny and only a little bit personal it's a secret but it's
not something that ruined your life or brought you to tears secrets lose their power when they
get too personal sensitive topics especially early in the friendship will scare people away
all right let's say you're meeting someone for the first time you want to share a secret so you spill
all the details of your parents divorce that secret isn't fun warm or happy the other person's
going to feel awkward and uncomfortable because they don't know you well enough to care so instead
of getting too personal just find a secret that leaves a positive impression according to the
same 2013 study childhood memories make wonderful secrets they're uplifting and charming and have
just the right amount of personal with a secret like that you can bond with people in no time
number five suppressing emotions do you try to act cool around new people
do you act stone-faced and aloof because you don't want people to think you care
you may think you're acting cool but you're pushing people away
this bad habit ruins your chances of making a real connection when you refuse to show your emotions
people have a hard time understanding you they're not drawn to you because you don't seem interested
or approachable so instead of hiding your emotions express how you feel and don't
worry about playing it cool if you want people to like you you need to show them who you really are
number six constant kindness does it hurt to be too nice just like we avoid people who are mean
we also avoid people who are overly kind this comes from a 2010 study in the journal of
personality and social psychology in this study participants played a social game with a group of
controlled players now some players were selfish and competitive others were altruistic and kind
so who do you think people like playing with the most it turns out people favored the selfish
players over the unselfish players why because unselfish behavior doesn't feel genuine when
someone is too kind we naturally assume they're being manipulative so be selfish every once in
a while you don't have to be kind 24 7 in fact constant kindness will only get you in trouble
number seven excess stress stress is contagious when you spend time with someone who's stressed
out it makes you tense and anxious so be mindful of the situation don't be shy to express yourself
openly but if you're dominating the entire conversation with nothing but your daily
complaints and griefs just stop doing this it can be exhausting for people around you that's
why people spend their time with friends who are calm relaxed and stress-free but how do people
know when you're stressed one of the most common signs is sweat sweat is deterring for many reasons
it doesn't smell great it doesn't look great but it's not the sweat itself that pushes people away
according to a 2013 study in the journal plos one sweat is happily overlooked in the right contexts
all right let's say you just went for a run exercising makes everyone sweaty if you talk
to someone right after working out they're not going to care that you're sweaty but what if
you're sweating in the middle of a restaurant or someplace where people don't normally sweat
they'll know that you're stressed and they'll know that you're nervous and that'll drive them away
number eight hiding your affection are you afraid to tell someone you like them
i'm not talking about romance i'm talking about people you interact with every day your friends
your neighbors your coworkers you may enjoy their company but do you tell them how you feel
many people think their enjoyment is implied they think other people know that they like them but
most people are unsure about their relationships especially with people they've just met so if
you like talking to someone tell them if you think someone's funny let them know people
respond positively to these kinds of comments and more often than not they return the favor
number nine selfish interjections do you shout out whatever you're thinking even if someone
else is talking this bad habit can instantly ruin a first impression no one likes to be interrupted
no one wants to hear you talk over them they don't want to compete to be heard yet you may interrupt
conversations on a regular basis a thought pops into your head and you suddenly stop listening
you're just waiting for your chance to speak as soon as that chance arrives you jump into the
fray whether it's the right time or not to make a better impression wait until they finish talking
let them complete their thought and then feel free to jump in if you feel compelled to say something
there are a few tricks you can use to hold yourself back biting your tongue for example stops
you from blurting things out it may sound painful but this little trick can make all the difference
number 10 mistakes in storytelling do you tell long-winded stories you may not do it on purpose
you may ramble without thinking even if it's accidental it can damage your relationships
especially new ones just think about the answers to these questions
when you're telling a story how should you tell it what details should you include how long should
you talk now a close friend will sit and listen to a long story but a stranger doesn't know you
well enough they don't want to hear you ramble for 15 minutes and they don't want to hear the
tiny details about your day so before you get to know someone keep your stories short and sweet
otherwise people will get bored they'll feel trapped inside the conversation
and if that happens there's a good chance they won't come back hey thank you for watching top
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