Aw man! Season 9 of Fortnite introduced some CRAZY big changes to the
game! Can't wait to see what they have in store for season 10!
we vaulted the whole game
Am I a joke to you??
Hello Internet, welcome to Game Theory.
At this point, literally the ONLY thing older than Dusty Divot.
You know, come to think of it, Fortnite is a lot like Youtube
it's a treadmill of constantly having to put out new content
and so it's back, for Season 9.
Actually, I shouldn't say it's back, because it never really went away...
Honestly, it'll probably never go away at this point.
50 years from now, my childrens, children's children will still probably be learning all of the latest dance moves from Fortnite.
Look at grand-daddy, he can do the Fortnite dance....
He can Floss... That makes me hip and cool and young, right? *chuckles*
I'm still relevant, aren't I?
Please tell me I'm relevant...
Who am I kidding, the Floss isn't relevant as I film this thing.
Anyway, with this new season, we have ourselves a new Battle Pass and, most interestingly of all, a new trailer.
The Season 9 trailer starts where Season 8 left off.
With the volcano erupting, leaving Jonesy and Peely to flee it's destruction and take safety in a bunker.
I gotta say though, they lucked out, because this bunker is filled with arcade machines, a DJ turntable, a home gym.
Pretty much anything you could possibly want when waiting out a disaster.
Well, everything except for one teeny, tiny little detail.
A fully stocked fridge. The fun seems to come to an end when they open the refrigerator door
and all that greets them is an empty tin can. Cut to, a significant amount of time and beard growth later.
When the door to the bunker finally opens, and Jonesy steps out into the light.
Based on his appearance it seems like razors were another thing they forgot to stock in that underground bunker.
Anyway, Jonesy has survived
But, as we take a closer look at the cup that he is drinking out
of we notice a conspicuous lack of large banana friend in a conspicuous presence
of banana friend smoothie. Though Peely doesn't seem to mind all that much given
that he's smiling even as Jonesy takes a sip out of his still living body. Anyway
while they were trapped in the bunker the volcano disaster ended and society
got itself busy constructing some futuristic looking buildings.
Giving rise to Neo Tilted.
Only OG's can remember Tilted Towers? Ha!
Git gud son!
Only OG's remember when people cared about this games campaign mode! ...and that was never.
Onward to Season 9!
...Almost...
Because before we dive too much into this new season,
if you didn't notice that trailer contained a major
time skip that invites a lot of questions:
Did Jonesy really survive for that long,
by, we assume, eating Peely?
How long were they really in that bunker?
Could that amount of banana.. Banana man?
Sustain him for that amount of time?
Can man SURVIVE on Peely alone?
All that and more, on today's very "apPEELing" episode of Game Theory.
Let's begin.
First off, to answer the question of "Could Jonesy survive for that long?"
We need to clarify just how long we're talking about here.
Special thanks to Redditor, TheDudeInTheLabcoat, for bringing this up on the Game Theorist subreddit.
And also to Reddit user, SnuSnu420,
who's already done some calculations based on the length of Jonesy's beard.
SnuSnu420, in his post, concluded that based on the average rate of hair growth
and the length of Jonesy's beard,
he would have been down there for eight years, five months, and five days.
Now those calculations were done using the average rate of hair growth
which is one half inch per month or six inches per year,
and if SnuSnu haven't already done this online,
this is exactly the sort of methodology that I myself would be using for this episode.
However, since he's already done the work, let me take it another step further.
Maybe, Jonesy's hair growth rate is ABOVE average.
I mean, we want to see whether surviving for that long would be possible,
so let's take the best case scenario here
and assume that Jonesy's hair actually grows at a world record pace.
Thereby, allowing him to grow that much beard in substantially less time than eight full years.
If we're talking world record rates of hair growth ...well...
There's only one source that I trust
and that is the Guinness Book of World Records.
Because who better to keep track of this sort of information than an Irish beer company.
And uh, no, that's not a joke.
The "Guinness" of Guiness Book of World Records fame
is actually the same "Guinness" as the beer company, Guinness
Cue "The more you know" rainbow.
Anyway, world record hair growth would be seventeen inches per year.
Growing at that rate, Jonesy's length of beard growth would take just under three years to grow.
Two years, eleven months, and twenty-two days, if you want to be exact about it.
Which we do.
So the question is: Does eating Peely,
a GIANT human-sized banana,
actually give Jonesy enough food to survive for three full years?
>> Chris: Ring ring. Ring ring ring.
Hold on sorry, let me get this.
Banana phone.
Yeah, what's up?
Oh, Thank you! I'm glad you like my shirt.
What- where'd I get it?
Oh, it's some of the new Game Theory spring merch that's available right now!
Yeah, there's this awesome embroidered player jacket, which has thumb holes, which are awesome.
Oh! There's a color-changing light which looks great on any desk and there's shirts like this one.
Yeah, I designed it so it's asymmetric, which is not only fashionable and makes you look thinner
but it's also really cool and trendy right now, and you can still show your Theorist pride. W-Where do you get it?
Oh, that's easy, below!
Right next to the Subscribe button!
You know, the button that you push and ring in order to get notified of all our new videos.
Yeah, a lot of useful links right there.
Yeah, I was good talking to you, too. Call me back anytime.
Yep, except, hopefully not when I'm filming.
This little shilly bit has, uh, gone on long enough.
I gotta get back to the episode.
Thanks a lot. Bye~!
I am so sorry about that. Where was I?
Ummm.....
Oh yeah!
Eating a human-sized banana and trying to survive for three years.
So, for a six-foot tall guy like Jonesy here, he'd typically be eating around
2,000 to 2,300 calories per day to maintain his weight,
but he's gonna have to tighten his belt a bit if he wants to be the sole survivor in this case.
People do survive on less
with a true starvation diet being around
nine hundred calories a day.
Now, in actuality,
Jonesy here is probably eaten a lot more calories than 900, given that when we see him walk out of the bunker,
he's still looking pretty swoll.
But again,
We're gonna be taking the most optimistic numbers possible and assume that he's able to survive
full-on starvation mode, eating a mere 900 calories a day.
So, based on that diet, would eating Peely give him enough food to survive for nearly three years?
Let's take a look at Peely, shall we?
If we treat Peely like a six-foot banana, which based on his in-game model, he does appear to be.
He would weigh in at about two hundred pounds.
As such, his body would contain about as much banana matter as
seven hundred and sixty-nine medium bananas.
And yeah, medium banana IS an official size designation used by food distributors to describe a banana
that's between seven and eight inches in length.
>> Jason: Seven to eight inches...Yikes!
An average medium banana contains hundred and five calories,
meaning that a six-foot banana man would contain himself
eighty thousand, seven hundred, and twenty-four calories.
From there, it's an easy division problem.
If Jonesy starts chipping away at that 80,724 calories stockpile at a rate of 900 calories a day,
He's gonna run out of food before the end of day ninety.
That is less than three months after his stay begins.
And with no food left, he would maybe survive another three to four weeks before he totally starves to death.
That three months of food is a FAAAR cry
from the three years of food that we calculated that he needs to wait it out.
Now, of course,
there is a more morbid possibility here.
while Peely is shown in the trailer to have the appearance of a sentient banana
who's capable of smiling at you, even after ninety-nine percent of his body has been drunk into oblivion,
Peely was originally introduced to be an outfit just like any other outfit in Fortnite.
Maybe the Peely that Jonesy is trapped with here is really just a dude in a banana suit.
If that's the case, well, it means that Jonesy is no longer getting his nutrition from banana flesh,
but rather HUMAN flesh.
So if Jonesy is going full-on cannibal in that bunker, fully grown human would provide him
eighty-one thousand, five hundred calories.
Which, shockingly, is barely more than the 80,724 calories of the giant banana man, Banana Peely.
Regardless of whether Peely is more banana or more man
Jonesy is gonna be running out of stuff to eat in like three months.
But what if Peely is neither banana NOR man?
What if he's some kind of incredible superfood?
A being composed of pure nutritional energy who just so happens to look like a banana.
It sounds completely absurd.
But if there's one thing that Game Theory stands for: It's FNAF.
But if there are TWO things that game theory stands for: It's FNAF and thoroughness.
So let's look into it, shall we?
The single highest calorie dense food in existence is pure fat.
Nothing is gonna have more calories than fat
which makes sense when you think about it
considering that fat is our body's way of storing energy for future use.
So, as far as our body is concerned, that tubby tummy of yours is just pure energy waiting to be used.
So... pure fat has nine calories per gram, which is a huge number, and it means that
a 200 pound Peely made of pure fat would have itself
eight hundred and sixteen thousand, four hundred and sixty-six calories inside of that peel of his.
Enough to last Jonesy a WHOPPING
Two years, five months, and twenty-five days.
Nearly two and a half years.
But we're still running out of food and starving to death half a year before that bunker opens.
So close and yet so far.
And remember, all of this is with our most optimistic estimates for how long Jonesy needs to survive.
And also how many calories he's able to survive on.
It seems like any way you slice it,
Jonesy cannot survive on Peely alone
regardless of whether Peely's made out of flesh, fat, or fruit.
But maybe we're asking the wrong question here.
Maybe Jonesy doesn't have to survive on Peely alone..
There is another possibility here that we haven't considered yet.
If Peely is, for all intents and purposes, a banana
well, that would mean that he'd be full of banana seeds
Yes, bananas do in fact have seeds.
If you've ever cut one lengthwise or you looked at the exact middle,
You probably recognize these small little brown dots. Those my friends are banana seeds.
Don't worry. They're completely edible.
which I assume, you know already since you've probably eaten a banana and you presumably have not died.
So since we've got ourselves some seeds, can we grow a banana tree in an underground bunker?
Trick question.
Bananas don't grow on trees.
Even though some banana plants can grow thirty feet in height,
they're not classified as trees.
While they do appear to have a trunk, that trunk that you see is really what's known as a "pseudostem".
Which, in terms of composition, is just bunch of densely packed leaves.
Bananas are actually a perennial herb like a lily or an orchid.
By the way, all this banana knowledge comes from an article written by Ken Jennings,
you know, the guy who's famous for having the longest jeopardy winning streak of all time.
So, you know, it's coming from a source you can trust.
And according to Ken, quote:
[reading from screen]
A BERRY!
Anyway, like other herbs banana plants can indeed be grown in artificial light.
And because of that, Jonesy now has access to an unlimited renewable food source:
his banana plantation!
He's just like the stranded astronaut, Mark Watney, in "The Martian".
He can now unleash his botany powers to produce a whole crop of bananas.
"Mars... Will come to fear... my botany powers...."
But not so fast!
In "The Martian", Mark Watney was eating potatoes
which could allow him to survive because they were nutritionally complete
as we discussed in an episode of Film Theory about the Martian and it's poop-filled science.
But can bananas do the same?
Are bananas able to provide a nutritionally complete diet?
Well...
Luckily, bananas provide plenty of Vitamin C.
Just six bananas a day will allow him to reach his daily recommended allotment of vitamin C
Meaning that Jonesy doesn't have to worry about getting scurvy. Bananas are also an excellent source of iodine;
meaning that he won't have to deal with any unsightly goiters.
So that's two are the most common vitamin deficiencies accounted for.
But, unfortunately bananas can't provide everything.
A lack of iron in Jonesy's diet would lead to problems like anemia
which would likely leave him feeling tired all the time, as his body couldn't produce enough red blood cells.
He'd probably have to cut out all his exercise programs, which, let's face it
he'd already be doing if he wanted to reduce the amount of calories that he's burning per day.
But, while that kind of vitamin deficiency could cause health problems
they're the kinds of things that Jonesy could indeed survive.
Especially since a weakened immune system shouldn't be too much of a problem
when you're isolated alone in an underground bunker; where hopefully there aren't too many other pathogens.
So full steam ahead on that banana farm, Jonesy!
All you gotta do his slice open your pal Peely, rip out some of his seeds, plant him,
give him ample light, turn up the heat to near tropical levels, and then wait six months for your first batch of bananas to grow!
Wait a minute.... Six months....?
Six months for the first harvest to come in.
That is three full months after we
calculated that he would run out of his initial food supply!
As it turns out yeah, again, no matter what way you slice it,
Jonesy is dying of starvation.
And again that is taking the most optimistic numbers possible
including a warm tropical environment,
and a banana plantation that has grown with seeds that were genetically engineered by
food companies to produce a crop as quickly as possible.
I mean if you try to grow a banana plant in your backyard,
it's probably gonna take you closer to 10 to 15 months for the plant to produce an edible fruit.
Even if Jonesy's willing to eat those bananas when they're green and not fully ripe,
he is still not getting access to those things any earlier than the five month mark.
And remember our initial calculations have him running out of food three months in
and starving to death a couple weeks after that,
before the four month mark.
The first crop of bananas would only be halfway grown by the time Jonesy bit the big one.
Even in the BEST of BEST possible scenarios there is no way that
Jonesy is getting out of this without starving to death.
Except clearly he did!
According to the trailer.
Which means only one of two things, my friends,
and either means that the future came a whole lot earlier than we expected...
In like three months, and that's when they built Neo Tilted, which is just weird.
Or, two: that Jonesy found himself another food supply
in which case what are you doing buddy?
Why are you eating your pal peely over here?!
Even after you turn him into a banana smoothie,
and he's just a few sips away from death by digestion!
He is still managing to smile
That my friend, that is friendship
A very abusive one-sided kind of friendship.
And you should be ashamed, Jonesy!
That is all I have to say to you.
I have one thing to say to Epic though: bring back the pump.
But hey! you know how so many Fortnite YouTubers do fake giveaways of free V-bucks?
Well, first off, gross; hold yourself to higher standards, ya shills.
But secondly,
wasn't it Lao-Tzu who said:
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AND REMEMBER. It's all just a theory.
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Thanks for watching.