You might be wondering, where do I start as a parent? Personal development it's the first step
toward positive parenting. I'll give you some clear steps to take.
Hi, I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins a clinical
psychologist with almost three decades now of clinical experience and working with children
and parents. There's a little twist that you might not expect when it comes to positive parenting.
Let's jump right in. In the parent training programs that I sponsor and in the coaching
that I do with parents. There are four rules that we emphasize when it comes to positive parenting.
Rule number one, take care of yourself. Rule number two, take care of the team. Meaning the parenting
team if you're married that means you and your spouse. Rule number three, love your children
and number four, discipline your children. We're not going to get into all four of those rules
on today's video. I want to pay particular attention to rule number one. The reason
for rule number one goes back to an experience that most of us have had
at some point in our life when we've gotten onto a commercial airplane to fly somewhere.
You know when you're getting ready to take off and they're taking you through the safety routine.
Nowadays, they're all recorded. You're supposed to follow along on your laminated card so that you'll
know all of the safety features of your aircraft and what to do in case of an emergency. At some
point they always say, "If you're traveling with young children or someone who needs assistance
put your own mask on first." You know when those attractive oxygen masks fall from the ceiling. Why
do they say that? If you're like me your natural tendency is to take care of that child. Take care
of the person that you're responsible for you want to do that. But if you're out cold in the aisle
you're just in the way. Probably part of the problem now and you're no assistance
to anyone. So, put your own mask on first and then you're in a position where you can help and serve
others. It's the same thing in parenting. The very best gift that you can give to your children
is a fully functioning, sane, healthy, stable, parent. That's the best gift you can give. That's why rule
number one is take care of yourself. As we lay the rationale out for why personal development
is so important for positive parenting. I've had so many experiences throughout my clinical career
where I've seen children who unfortunately were put in a position where they had to
take care of their parents. I'm not talking adults taking care of their aging parents. I'm talking
about little kids who have to clean up after mom or have to tiptoe around dad because of their own
addictions or the problems that they're facing in their personal lives. Kids are not supposed to take
care of their parents. When the roles are reversed when kids are taking care of their parents
it creates both developmental and relational problems for those children. They're compromised
in their development. We have to be taking care of ourselves so that we can take care of our kids.
I'm a professional psychologist. I always start with personal development because basically
personal development is learning to operate the equipment of your own mind and that affects every
aspect of your life, not just your parenting. This will affect your work, your other relationships,
your happiness is affected by this. See, your brain is in charge of everything and it's not just what
you think and feel and do it's also in charge of survival, respiration, digestion, circulation.
Your brain is running the show. We want to learn mastery over our own mind. We want to get our mind
working for us not against us and either you drive your thoughts or your thoughts drive you
and that affects everything that you do. That's why personal development is such an important
component of positive parenting. I promised you a little twist at the end and before I get to that.
If you are really resonating with this approach take a moment to subscribe hit that subscribe
button and click on the notification bell so that we can let you know whenever your next personal
development video is ready. As I was thinking about sharing this with you today it occurred to me that
this is kind of a chicken and egg kind of a thing. One of my young clients he was probably 12-13
years old. He came into my office and he said, "Hey, Dr. Paul I went on Amazon and I ordered a chicken
and at the same time, I ordered an egg. I'll let you know which one comes first", and I had to just laugh
what a clever kid. Was it the chicken or the egg that came first? It's kind of the same thing with
personal development and positive parenting. Because of everything that I can think of as a
psychologist to support positive parenting I can give you tips and tricks and strategies and I do
trainings and seminars all the time on parenting of all of those things the very
best thing I can think of to support your positive parenting is personal development.
But here's the twist and I don't even take credit for this. I heard Dr. Lili De Hoyos Anderson
speaking as a guest on a podcast that I was listening to and she said this it caught my
attention like nothing else. She said, "The ultimate product of positive parenting is the parent." Wow.
That just took me by storm because I realized that she's exactly right about that. There is nothing I
can think of as a professional psychologist and remember I've written books, I've done training
and seminars on personal development. There's nothing that I can think of that is more powerful
in supporting your personal development than positive parenting. It gives you opportunities to
learn yourself in a way that you never even anticipated could happen. You'll find things out
about yourself that you never knew you didn't know and you'll have multiple opportunities to practice
the very skills that will upgrade you. You get to be a better higher version of yourself because
you've taken on positive parenting. Chicken, egg, positive parenting, personal development, which one
comes first? They support each other. If you want to improve either start working on the other. Now, you
know the importance of it. Let's get you connected to some powerful personal development. Will you
queue up that next video? It's called who takes care of the parents. We're going to dive into how
you do rule number one take care of yourself. Come over, click on that video next, we'll see you there.