Mutual masturbation, you might not have heard those two words
together since middle school sex ed. But folks, I am here to
bring it back. Because not only is this a personal favorite of
mine, it is a venerable gold mine of closeness of information
and have a pleasure for you and a partner whether you live near
or far. Hi, I'm Caitlin D. And me and occasionally this cat are
bringing you great sexual and relationship content every
single week here on YouTube and every single day over at
Instagram and sometimes on tik tok, as well really, it's a
venerable fountain of information and advice over here
and in this video, I am going to break down what makes mutual
masturbation so awesome,
what it is
why it's hot, why more and more and more and more couples are
experimenting with it and exactly what you need to do to
get it right. Now, what is mutual masturbation? This like
super dry sounding combination of terms mutual masturbation is
simply when you masturbate with more than just yourself. Often
it is masturbating with a partner. Often it is
masturbating with a partner while they also are
masturbating, touching yourself any pleasurable way, while
another person also touches themselves in a pleasurable way.
Also, it is perfect for all kinds of scenarios, long
distance relationships, times when you can't be in the same
room as your lover needing to social distance dealing with low
libido, dealing with trouble orgasm being having premature
ejaculation dealing with an injury or just having had a
baby, you can do it in the same room, you can do it on a phone
call, you
can do it on video or FaceTime. Or you can even do it with your
best friend under a full moon. Speaking from experience here,
there is however, a few important things that you have
got to keep in mind. Because even though mutual masturbation
is hard to screw up, if you don't do it right, it can lead
to a really awkward encounter that can cause all of our shame
Gremlins to come out and wreak havoc on our mental health. But
if you do get it right, you will open up a term measure chest of
pleasure and knowledge about yourself and your partner that
you would have otherwise never know. And the good news is that
it doesn't require too many bells or whistles. All you need
is the right mindset, safety and a little courage in order to
pull it off. But honestly, the number one barrier to mutual
masturbation is definitely shame. In the form of self
consciousness, it does take a lot of courage to pleasure
yourself in front of your partner. I mean, after all, most
of us were taught that masturbation is the single most
shameful activity we could ever engage in, and that we should
share it with no one ever less. They know that we're a dirty,
sinful piece of rotting flesh. I'm going to teach you how to
overcome that hurdle in just a second. But first here are the
six major benefits of mutual masturbation benefit number one,
it is safe. That's why we talked about it in health class. Mutual
masturbation is the safest way to have sex with another person
because it does not require the exchange of bodily fluids or
even body touching. So while you're waiting on your STD test
results from let's get checked to come back. This is a safe way
to stay sexually connected. And yes, both phone and video sex
count as a per sex. Number two, it is educational. It is really
hard to tell another person how you like to be pleasured way,
way easier to just show them what you like. Reason number
three, it makes for phenomenal foreplay, you can use mutual
masturbation, to pique your arousal to get super turned on
to get her super hot and ready. And you can go straight from
mutual masturbation into something like penetrative sex,
this is an excellent option for women who have a hard time
reaching orgasm during traditional p IV because she can
get herself as close to possible to orgasm or maybe even give
herself an orgasm and then you go straight into penetration at
the very last minute, leading to an orgasm through penetration or
perhaps a second or third orgasm through penetration. Number
four, it is easy and adaptable for all people. Mutual
masturbation is awesome for one person cannot have penetrative
sex, or isn't super into penetrative sex at this moment,
maybe because they just had a baby. Maybe because they have
suffered an injury. Maybe because they are differently
abled and sex is harder for them than the other person at a given
time. It's almost always easier to have sex with yourself than
to have sex with an other person. So if one person is
feeling a lot hornier than the other like first thing in the
morning when your husband wants to have sex, but you just had a
nightmare about getting stranded in a haunted house somewhere in
Budapest and it's gonna be really hard for you to reach
orgasm, but you could probably reach orgasm by yourself if you
use the vibrator problem soft. It's also great if you tend to
not last super long in bed, which brings me to Reason number
five, which is if you are working on lasting longer in bed
mutual masturbation allows you to practice all of the
techniques that I teach you in my course come when you want
which you have right if you're working on lasting longer in
bed, you obviously have looked into my comm when you walk
course by master class that is 98% effective and helping men
last longer in bed. And if you haven't looked into it, look
into it right now, because in this course, I teach you a bunch
of techniques that are amazing for helping you learn all about
your arousal where your point of no return is, and how you can
use self pleasure or masturbation to actually extend
your stamina and last longer when you are with your partner.
And using the techniques income when you want in mutual
masturbation is a super fun and pleasurable way to invite your
partner into the work that you are doing to last longer in bed.
And if you don't have common you want yet no problem at all.
There's a link in the description. Number six, mutual
masturbation, demystifies and D shames pleasure, it is a great
way to bring a couple closer together and it helps reduce
uncertainty in what your partner likes
and how they like it. So yes, it might be out of your comfort
zone at first, but just the very act of masturbating in front of
another person can be so healing, you can do it in front
of your lover and in the same way that hearing that your
genitals are beautiful or huge or juicy or delicious can be
such a healing experience. surviving the risk of sharing
your pleasure with another person is amazing for melting
away shame and stigma. So let's talk now about exactly how to
win at mutual masturbation with your partner in three simple
steps. Number one, initiation somebody's got to do it. How do
you initiate mutual masturbation? Well talk about it
say Hey, baby, I'd love to watch your pleasure yourself. I think
that would be super hot. I want to know exactly how you're
touching yourself. Would you be able to show me I really want to
know exactly how to pleasure you. And the best way for me to
learn is by example. It doesn't have to be all that complicated.
And if you're in a long distance relationship, you can say hey, I
miss touching you and being with you. But I think I figured out
the next best thing number two, communicate have a conversation
about it. This conversation I like to call the safety aspect
of this mutual masturbation thing. Because it is where you
talk about your fears and the obstacles that are preventing
you from jumping right in there and just diddling your biscuit
right away fears like I'm afraid of you judging me. I'm afraid of
looking funny. I'm afraid that you'll find my genitals ugly.
I'm afraid that I'm weird and you're gonna find out and you're
not going to love me anymore. A big part of why mutual
masturbation brings people closer together is because of
the vulnerability they share in this way. So do not skip this
step. This is the most crucial step of all, once you've had
that hard conversation you've established that you are safe
for each other that nobody's going to be judged or made fun
of this right here is an environment of compassion and
unconditional love. Then you can number three, set the mood, put
on some candles, lights and music. Put on some music, lights
and candles, grab the lube, grab your toys, any other props that
you want, have them within reach. And if you are getting
down digitally, I recommend setting yourself up beforehand,
testing the lighting testing your angles, because nothing
ruins a moment faster than having to figure out the right
angle to spotlight your genitals on camera live with your lover
and then I'm going to give you one more bonus step number four
because I just like to deliver celebrate once you're done
anchor in all of those good feelings by discussing what went
right. And only what went right. This is the time for you to
share things like babe I just love the way that your body
looked when or Wow, it turned me on so much when that happened.
Anyways, save the post Game Analytics like what we could
have done better for later while you're still in the afterglow
that like post orgasmic warm, cushy flush of chemicals. That's
the time to tell your partner that they are amazing. They
looked amazing. they smelled and tasted and it was just the most
amazing and most magical experience and you're so
grateful to them for sharing it with you. You want to anchor in
all of these good feelings because as soon as afterglow
starts to fade is when those little shame Gremlins of like
your dirty human for masturbating start to show up
and we just want to like keep them at bay. And the best way to
keep them tamper down is by elevating our celebration and
elevating each other so loudly and comprehensively that there's
no room for those shame Gremlins to even show up. And this is a
good place for me to remind you that if you've ever dealt with
those shame Gremlins, you are not alone. And you should
consider subscribing to this channel where I deliver content
every single week on how to overcome the Gremlins and have
the best sex of your flippin life. Alright, time to address a
very important question. You might be asking, should we watch
porn while masturbating together? Because I watched porn
when I masturbate. So if I'm going to masturbate with someone
else, do I bring the porn with me? Certainly bringing in porn
can help with awkwardness because it can feel a little bit
more normal and normalizes what you're doing. We're having sex,
they're having sex, we're judging ourselves. They're
touching ourselves. But I always suggest trying mutual
masturbation first, without porn, because porn is sort of
like a third person in the room. It brings a lot, but it also
forces you to manage a lot. So instead of now being totally
focused on yourself and
your body, your partner and their body. Now there's this
whole other thing, distracting both of you and demanding your
attention. So keeping your attention on yourself and on
your partner at first so that you don't miss something like
what if they stopped breathing? And they're really really
uncomfortable? What if they start to go into that, like
shamed closed up uncomfortable space, but you're too busy
watching the lady on screen with their big old titties bouncing
around, you are going to miss something really important
that's happening right here in the room. Which reminds me what
should you do if your partner isn't super interested in mutual
masturbation or they feel really, really shy? Well, that's
where the safety conversation comes in talking out your fears
and listening to each other on this is vital. Even if you don't
ever end up doing it. Say you bring up the conversation, you
have the safety talk, and you ultimately decide that they're
not comfortable doing this, and they're just not going to do it
phenomenal. If you had a conversation that you wouldn't
have otherwise have and therefore are closer than you
would have otherwise been. Congratulations. If your partner
is on the fence and she doesn't know how she feels about it. You
can warm her up by saying Hey, would you like to maybe watch be
self pleasure? Maybe you can make out with me or like tweak
my nipples while I pleasure myself. And then if it feels
good, you could join me you can get really creative. And if she
tries that, and it's really not for her, then stop and do
something else. No shame, congratulate and celebrate each
other just for trying. And of course you can specifically
address any objections that she has. Like, I'm worried that
you're gonna think my genitals look weird. You can say babe,
I've seen your genitals and I think that they are so gorgeous.
Another concern that you might have is what if I masturbate in
a weird way? What if I masturbate in the prone
position? Or what if I do something that's like not how
people are supposed to do it? Well, chances are that you don't
masturbate in a weird way. People masturbating in so many
different ways. We have people who have pillows and mattresses
and use toys and don't use toys and hold their breath and 10th
their body and everything and everything else in between. It
is actually truly amazing how many ways humans have figured
out how to get themselves up. And if your partner is too close
minded, or if they're not willing to accept who you are
and how you self pleasure? Well, I'm not sure it's a good idea
for you to open yourselves up sexually to them anyways, you
can definitely use that communication in the safety
conversation to sort of suss out how they're going to feel. Share
yourself conscious thoughts. And remember that as soon as we
share our fears, they actually tend to just begin to melt away
immediately, especially if they are met with love and
tenderness. Alright, mutual masturbation, let's bring that
out of the closet and start playing with it. Again. It is a
wonderful way to get closer to your partner without even
touching. You get to experience your pleasure, experience their
pleasure, experience, this amazing mass of pleasure that
grows between you whether you're in the same room talking over
the phone, or getting down digitally. It can be a steamy
part of foreplay, it can help women reach orgasm, and it can
help men who are trying to last longer in bed by combining
mutual masturbation with the techniques that I teach income
when you want link is in the description. Thank you so much
for tuning in. It's been awesome to get handsy with you today.
Make sure you are subscribed and I will see you here again soon.