(intense music)
- Hello, everyone.
This is a loaded nachos battle where we,
the three of us, are going head-to-head-to-head
to see how ridiculous and delicious
we can make loaded nachos.
- Try that.
(lips trilling)
- What is that?
Why is it so bitter?
On top of this nonsense,
we don't have a chef to judge today.
So instead, our dishes and creations are gonna be judged
by the team here at Sorted, and they are brutal.
(guitar music)
3, 2, 1.
Go!
(Barry groaning) (horn blaring)
(appliance whirring)
Right, my dish not only takes you
on a wonderful tour of the world,
but it also solves the number one problem
that comes with loaded nachos.
By the time you've eaten the top layer,
all you're left with is tortilla chips.
Well, brace yourself for Mike's Inter-Nacho-Nals.
On the bottom layer, a tour of Canada with poutine.
- Oh, Jamie! (Barry laughing)
Michael, Jamie had a strong start.
Were you just trying to soften your butter?
- [Michael] That is the softest butter I've ever seen.
Then a lovely little stop off in Vietnam,
finishing with a final stop to India
on the top layer for masala fried fish.
- What? That's the most indirect flight ever.
- Poutine, Bahn mi, - Bahn mi,
Masala. - Masala fried fish.
I've started off by making a batter for my fish.
That's got stuff like chilli, garlic, ginger,
Indian five spice, and some Kashmiri chilli powder,
blended together with some water,
some plain gramme and rice flours.
Get my fish in, add some flour,
and this is what we end up with.
And it smells phenomenal.
- Having heard what Mike's making,
I'm suddenly filled with a lot more confidence.
- He couldn't even melt butter!
- I know what you're thinking,
"Jamie, how many countries are you gonna try
and offend today?"
Turns out, not as many as Mike.
And therefore, tick.
I'm making, this is such a long title,
Reconstructed Green Chilli Cheeseburger Nacho Cupcakes
with Chilli Not-So-Con Carne,
- Oh my goodness! - [Barry] What!
- You are ridiculous.
- Aioli, and Green Pickle Salsa.
To start with, I'm blending up cheddar cheese, nachos,
and quite a lot of butter.
And that's gonna form the base of my cheesecake cupcakes.
(record scratching)
- Cupcakes?
- This is a loaded nachos battle and you're making cupcakes?
- So what I'm doing here is
I'm cutting out my flour tortillas into strips,
rolling them around some metal tubes,
tying two bits of string to it
so it doesn't expand and pop off,
chuck it into the oil as it goes golden brown.
- [Michael] I have a question for the room.
What's Barry making?
- Today, I'm gonna be combining nachos with cannoli.
Nacho-Loni or Can-Nacho?
And I'm loading that with a Mexican tiramisu.
A tequila custard,
hey, stop it!
- This is the most offensive video
we've ever made. - Coffee cake, as well.
- Mexican tiramisu! - Imagine a tequila
espresso martini in a cannoli made of tortillas.
- And where does the loaded nachos bit come in?
- I'm, - So hang on,
what's that then?
- This is a tortilla.
- Excuse me, my cheesecake bases are nearly done.
- Oh my goodness.
- [Jamie] Bars, are you actually making a custard?
- [Barry] Yeah.
- [Jamie] Yeah, me too.
- You're making custard?
- I'm making custard.
- Why are you making custard?
- I'm making a cheese custard.
- So am I!
- I'm making a cheesy tequila custard.
- Tequila and cheese?
- I know!
- In a custard?
- I know!
- That sounds like what it's gonna taste like
when it comes back up.
- I have faith.
- Like every good buttery biscuit base,
these are heading into the freezer to set up.
- [Michael] I'm pretty impressed by your barrels.
They look good.
They're not nachos, but they look good.
- Time to make my cheesecake filling.
This is a green chilli cheese custard.
It starts by grating garlic into a pan,
bringing it up to a boil with some double cream
and some sodium citrate,
which will basically help cheese emulsify
into a liquid form. (Jamie snapping fingers)
- What custard have you ever heard starts with garlic?
- Barry, you're putting tequila in a custard.
- A disgusting one.
(appliance whirring)
Bit of salt.
And that should be this really fresh, vibrant, spicy salsa.
- [Jamie] How long have we had?
It feels like 10 minutes.
- We have an hour left.
One hour. One hour remaining.
- Derp.
Derp.
- I've barely started, so.
- I'm gonna pull that creamy mixture
into some whisked eggs and egg yolks,
along with a bit of corn flour.
Bring it all together. (Jamie popping lips)
- [Michael] Why are you melting a chocolate cake?
(beep)
- What, that, that's there for garnish later!
Stop trying to
- [Michael] You've got chocolate cake garnish?
- What do you mean a chocolate cake for garnish?
- It's just gonna be to garnish later on.
When did you put that in there?
- You could've,
- And why is it hot?
- There is no quality control going on today whatsoever.
- I'll feel better once I know this custard
isn't going to scramble.
- I don't think you're ever gonna feel better.
- Combining some yoghourt and lime pickle,
which is the greatest ingredient
in the history of the world.
(whisk hitting bowl)
Can I have these chilli flakes please?
- As long as you don't knock over my tower of spices.
- Thank you.
So the components for my top level, India, are done.
Now on to Vietnam.
My pickling liquid is rice vinegar, fish sauce,
some chilli flakes, palm sugar,
and then ribbons of carrot and cucumber.
Mix together, chuck it in the microwave for a minute,
quick pickle.
- [Jamie] Poured my custard mixture back into the pan.
I'm constantly stirring it over a gentle heat
so that it just thickens.
And then I can add in my cheeses and my chilies.
(rock music)
- This was how it was, wasn't it?
- [Jamie] Yup.
- Don't, no, no, no, please don't break them.
I know what you're thinking.
They take ages to put together.
No, Jamie.
(tortilla snapping) You are such,
Jamie! - I didn't realise
quite how dense they are. - No, no, no, no, no, no!
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
Jamie. - Yeah?
- This. - Yeah.
- Ring of truth. - Yeah. Yeah.
- May represent our friendship.
- Yeah.
- You can choose what you wanna do with that.
but that, if you crush that, - Yeah?
- our friendship is crushed, please.
(tortilla snapping) Jamie.
I've spend at least 40 minutes just doing these.
- [Jamie] 48 minutes remaining.
- Please! No!
- [Michael] If you're enjoying this,
there are some small things you can do
that make a big difference to us.
Like the video.
Subscribe if you aren't.
Click the notification bell and select all.
Thanks!
- Custard's thickened.
Now going in with two types of grated cheese.
They're sliced, not grated,
but this is Mexicana, so it's chilli cheese.
I've also got red Leicester cheese as well.
- My (beep) cake!
- Right, will you stop swearing whilst I'm giving
an instruction? - Stop cooking
my pre-cooked cake!
- Yeah, just take it out of the pan, Barry.
Otherwise, you're gonna get confused
as to what to cook and what not to cook.
(Barry mimics crying)
- These aren't even tasty.
- Next up, I'm doing my custard part of my loaded nachos.
I've got evaporated milk and condensed milk,
which I'm gonna warm up.
And then I'm gonna crack four egg yolks into a bowl.
Mix it with some vanilla, some cream cheese,
and some tequila. - Oh dear.
What are you doing that for?
- And in a sentence I never thought I'd say,
I'm just finishing putting my jalapeños into my custard.
- This here is char siu pork.
It's been in the oven.
It's cooked through.
And it's absolutely delicious.
- Time to get my cupcake cases out of the freezer.
Fill 'em up with some spicy cheese custard,
back in the freezer to set up.
What a perfectly normal thing to say.
(upbeat music)
(knife hitting chopping board)
(whisk stirring)
- Four tablespoons of tequila going into my eggs.
- If it does work, it'll be genius.
- [Barry] Whisking tequila and eggs together.
- [Michael] Can I try a bit?
- [Jamie] Yeah.
- (indistinct) isn't it?
- That's why, isn't it?
- Texture's a bit iffy, but.
- Yeah.
- That's scrambled eggs and chilli now.
You've made an omelette.
A deconstructed omelette, that's what you've made.
30 minutes remaining, boys.
- Nope.
Where was I supposed to put mustard?
(knife hitting chopping board)
- So the cheeseburger part of this dish,
if you hadn't forgotten the original title,
is beef mince,
but I'm going to cook it in lots of spice,
and it's gonna be all separate and crispy and delicious,
rather than formed into a patty.
Sprinkled over the top of the cupcakes.
- We've got 22 minutes
remaining. - Ah, no!
- [Michael] 22 minutes remaining.
- Nope!
There was more water than mince in my mince.
Crisp up!
I didn't make scrambled custard.
- You did.
- It was chewy. - Did not.
It was not.
- How long are you boiling this mince for?
- [Barry] Right, we're getting there.
We're getting there.
We're getting somewhere.
- The only way I'm gonna get anywhere close
to finishing this dish in the time is to multitask.
And the one thing that I'm really bad at is multitasking.
So here we have some mince that is crisping up
in boiling water.
In here, we have cherry tomatoes in a grill,
very, very high up.
I need to blacken them. Get them burnt.
That's gonna form part of my ketchup.
Next we have some bacon.
I've also added lots
of chili-con-carne-style spices into it.
I've also just hit it with some tomato paste
and some maple syrup.
I'm gonna cook that out and in a second,
I'm gonna add those blackened tomatoes into here.
- Everyone feeling aptly panicked?
- Ah, yup. - [Jamie] A little bit, yup.
- 15 minutes remaining!
I've been doing nothing.
Now I'm gonna panic. Uh-oh.
- Bars, what are you doing with that disgusting,
repulsive coffee-thing? - I'm just trying
to get the coffee, Kahlua, and chocolate levels right.
- Oh my goodness.
Okay, getting there. We haven't got long left.
I've got to fry this fish.
I'm gonna shallow fry it in some hot oil and pan
and then, I think, make some instant gravy.
- My beef mince is crisped up,
so I've gone in there with a load of spices.
There's smoked paprika, there's onion granules,
there's chilli powder, there's cumin.
Everything that you kind of find
in a chilli has gone into there.
Taking it off the heat.
- Next up, to layer my loaded cannoli nachos,
I've got some pre-made chocolate cake
which I'm gonna be dipping
into my amazingly strong coffee mix and Kahlua,
dipping it in into the bottom of these tubes.
Then I'll get my custard out of the freezer
and scrape that in on top.
(oil sizzling)
- Those tomatoes are black enough.
- How we feeling about eight minutes remaining?
I mean, look at it.
(appliance whirring)
(dramatic music)
- Yes!
- We have five minutes left, boys.
(Jamie groaning)
(dramatic music continues)
(tomatoes sizzling) - [Michael] Oh, look at that.
Look at that! It's gonna be amazing.
(appliance whirring)
- [Michael] Four minutes left!
- Four minutes!
Beautifully set.
- [Michael] Two minutes!
- For my garnish,
I've got some white chocolate, dark chocolate,
toasted almonds, and some pre-made cinnamon rolls.
(dramatic music)
- Char siu pork.
58 seconds left!
- [Jamie] Mike! - [Barry] No, no!
(dramatic music continues)
- [Michael] Layer two done!
- Nacho cheesecake base.
Then, cheese custard. - [Barry] I'm done!
- 30 seconds left!
- I've got my tomato ketchup, - [Barry] I'm done, I'm done.
- which is really good.
Aioli.
I think I'm done. - Mike isn't.
- You've got 10 seconds.
- 9.
8. - 8.
7. - 7.
6. - 6.
5. - 5.
4.
- 3. 2. - 2.
- 1! - 1!
(horn blaring)
- It is done.
- Let's get these beauties into the sexies.
Nailed it. Yeah.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
- So, the team have tasted.
They've left notes that they've sent me
and they voted, which will be revealed under each cloche.
Should we just dig in?
- Yeah. - J, let's try yours first.
- [Barry] You're not meant to eat it like a cupcake?
- [Jamie] You are.
But that was when it was warm.
- No, you're supposed to eat it like nachos, aren't you?
- [Jamie] Cheers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Here's some descriptions from the crew.
"Tasted kind of like a burger."
"Tastes nacho-y."
- [Barry] Yeah. - Good.
It don't look it.
"Stodgy."
You know. - Yeah.
- Unbelievably, it tastes 30 million times
better than it looks.
- When you finish it, it tastes like nachos.
- It's all the flavours of nachos in a different form.
- It's really annoying.
Ready to move on to my delight?
- Cool.
- Cheers.
(chips crunching)
- Ooh. - Ooh!
Hello.
- Oh, that's very,
- Indian. - Mm.
- Very.
- It's lime pickle.
- Yeah, that's very lime pickle.
(Barry coughs)
- Barry, are you okay?
- Yeah. I'm all right. - Right.
Get down to the second layer.
Char siu pork.
- Yeah. Got it, got it, got it.
- It's bahn mi tribute.
- That's a very good layer.
- That's a good layer.
- I'm quite happy with that layer.
- Well, what's the bottom layer?
- Poutine!
- How do I get to it?
That's not my favourite layer.
- Some notes from the team.
"Fresh."
"All elements great individually. Busy."
I think I agree with that.
- Busy's such a good word.
- "OTT."
Let's move on to yours.
- [Barry] I'd recommend using a spoon.
Oh, it did work!
Wow! That's bold.
Nice, nope it didn't work.
- [Jamie] And so, what is it?
- Is that nacho not loaded?
- [Jamie] It kind of unloaded. - [Barry] Get messy.
(tortilla crunching)
- Which kind of defeats the the shape, doesn't it?
The fact that we are literally scooping them up, like.
- It's part of the experience.
(chip crunching)
- Whoa that is boozy!
Some words describing yours.
"Boozy AF, - Yup!
but not too bad."
"Surprising."
- Okay.
- "Rich."
Apparently they took a vote
as to whether it was nachos or not nachos.
- Oh, no.
- One person said it was nachos.
Six people said it was not nachos.
Let's see who's taken the win.
J, lift the cloche.
So you guys are voting with pasta bow,
with bow tie pasta?
- How many people voted?
- Two out of seven.
That's depressing, that I drew with you.
- What? - No.
- No!
(Barry squealing)
- It wasn't nachos!
What have you done?
- Six out of seven people. - You all said
it wasn't nachos, yet you voted for him.
Are you mad?
- They're not mad.
They've got it.
They've got it all right. - What?
- Well done!
Thank you. - How can six out of seven
of you say that that's not nachos,
and then three of you say,
"That's my favourite loaded nachos dish"?
- There's gonna be some redundancies.
- Well, over to you. Not you.
You're all wrong.
Over to you.
Comment down below, let us know.
Did Barry make loaded nachos?
- Yes.
And if you like this video, then like this video.
And hopefully we'll see you in the next one.
- We're not gonna have anyone to film the next one, Bars.
That's the problem.
(tone beeping)
- Starts by grating custard into a pan
and bringing it up to a boil
with double cream. - I'm sorry,
who grates custard into a pan?
- Garlic.
- You said "grated custard into the pan."
- I'm having a moment, all right?