-Our next guest is an Emmy-nominated actor
you know from his work on HBO's "Silicon Valley."
He stars in the CBS sitcom "B Positive."
The season-two finale airs March 10th.
Let's take a look.
-Knock knock. -Don't answer.
-Who's there? -Nobody home.
-Juneau. -I'm great at these.
Juneau who?
-Did you know [Juneau] I'm headed to Alaska?
-Oh!
-"Did you know I'm headed to Alaska" who?
-Uh, no, no, no. I'm going to Alaska.
I finally decided on my next adventure.
-Why is that funny?
-I might try to work on a fishing boat
after, you know, I spend a few weeks exploring the wilderness,
just me and nature in an epic battle for survival.
-My money's on nature.
-Please welcome back to the show
our friend Thomas Middleditch, everyone!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Well, it is just so nice to have you here,
and I feel as though this might be
a television debut of a new hairstyle.
-Well, you know... [ Laughter ]
...it's the cut that everybody's talking about.
-Yeah. I heard you had a new one,
and I will admit, when you first walked out,
I didn't really see it. It wasn't until I got you
on this angle, as you went... -Yeah, that looks like
a pretty normal haircut. "Oh, what's that?" you say?
"It's a braided rat tail at the back?"
[ Laughter ]
-I mean -- -And I want to say,
this is real. [ Laughter ]
This isn't some ha-ha funny for-jokes extension.
This is my life now. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] This isn't one of those
phony Hollywood rat tails you get on Sunset Boulevard.
-Those are a dime a dozen, my friend.
-I mean, that must have taken, what, a half a week to grow?
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
It's a little short now... [ Laughter ]
...but this baby's gonna get down to my butt, hopefully.
-Wow! -I can whip it around, like...
-This is such a big life change. -Yeah!
-What makes you take the leap to rat tail?
-You know, you just -- you get some free time,
and, uh, things change. [ Laughter ]
A lot of introspection, and I come out --
I emerge from my cocoon a tailed man.
[ Laughter ]
-We've talked about this before, and I feel a little --
Like, I have to admit to you, I don't really believe it
when we talk about the fact that you have a pilot's license.
-What about me makes you not take me seriously, Seth?
[ Laughter ] -When you go to your barber,
you're like, "Just remember, you need to see it
under, like, a helmet. The rat tail's gotta
be long enough." -It's got to poke out.
Any headwear, ya gotta see it. [ Laughter ]
-But this is your --
So, again, you are using your piloting for good.
I think sometimes people might think,
"Oh, he got his pilot license, he's out there, you know,
going to probably the Fyre Festival
or something like that." [ Laughter ]
You -- This is a true thing. You have been going,
and you've been ferrying dogs from one, like,
rescue to another. -Uh...
[ Laughter ]
They're like, "Aww, that's not what I thought
from the rat-tail guy."
-"I thought he was gonna take drugs up from Mexico.
What the hell?" [ Laughter ]
No, but there are drugs in the dogs.
Don't worry about it. [ Laughter ]
No. No, there's an organization, Pilots N Paws, where basically
they act as, like, a middleman. So, you know,
shelters will be full in Southern California,
and they need to get flown up to places with more room
or occasionally their new forever home.
And it's kind of a way to be, like, do something nice,
get an excuse to fly around, and then you'll end up in, like,
some random spot.
Like, I find myself in places like Placerville
or Grass Valley, up in Northern California,
which are, like...I guess, towns that were founded on,
like, the California gold rush. -Oh!
-And they remind you of it.
Every bar is like, The Old Klondike Saloon!
[ Laughter ]
"Have a sarsaparilla at the Pioneers Tavern!"
[ Laughter ] "Okay, got it.
Copy that. You like your gold."
-I like that I was like,
"How do you even get a rescue dog in a plane?
What do they -- How do they travel?"
-They curl up, man. -Look at that.
Oh. Those two -- Those two were great.
They were two Brittany spaniels who had, like,
this neurological condition. So when I picked them up,
they were like -- I forget their names.
Like, "Mitzi and Barbara, and here they are,"
and they're like, "Guh-guh-guh guh-guh!"
[ Laughter ] And I was like, "Oh, boy!
Are they gonna settle down when we fly?"
'Cause they're sitting in the back like, "Guh-guh-guh."
[ Laughter ]
I mean, yeah, I am laughing at them, but it was --
[ Laughter ] It's sweet.
Sometimes those brain conditions are hilarious.
[ Laughter ]
-You travel with your dog, so your dog comes, too.
-I do, yes. Well, yeah, I travel
with one of them, Potter, and I go up high.
-Uh-huh. -And when you're up high,
and my plane is not pressurized, you need oxygen.
-So even a dog needs oxygen? -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-So is this something you can buy,
or did you rig this yourself? -[ Laughs ]
It would be cool if I rigged it.
I'm like, "He's got to get air somehow!"
No, you buy this. [ Audience "Awws" ]
And so...this is in his little sweater,
and he's got earmuffs and his little Bane mask.
[ Laughter ] I don't know.
I really like that one. -Yeah.
-He gets really -- And what's weird is, like,
when he's -- when he's oxygen-deprived
or just getting enough, he gets real cuddly.
So, that's, like, him, like, crawling on me and being like,
"Sleep now, master?" "Yes."
[ Laughter ] "Go to bed now, child."
[ Laughter ]
-"Yes, in the morning, you'll get more air."
-"Only when I deem it necessary."
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitating air hissing ]
-Yeah. I am, I am, uh...
I'm is it Michael Ironside in "Total Recall"?
I'm the bad guy in "Total Recall."
-Yeah, Michael Ironside. Nice pull.
-Yeah. -And they were impressed.
-Yeah, you guys -- [ Laughter ]
Why aren't you up to date on Arnold Schwarzenegger,
Sharon Stone, and Michael Ironside's
"Total Recall"? [ Laughter ]
"Screw you, Benny!" [ Grunts ]
-Oh, there, see? Now they're just coming --
Now they're slowly remembering, yeah.
-"I wish I had three hands."
"You're just doing fine with two."
-Oh, wow. [ Laughter ]
-That's a spicy scene. Now, that's a spicy scene.
[ Laughter ]
-Just doubling down, doubling down, doubling down.
-It's one of the best! [ Light laughter ]
Sorry for getting too animated over "Total Recall."
I feel like everyone's like, "Settle Down."
-You flew with one of your dogs.
That means you have another. That doesn't go up with you?
-No, I realize that her time of traveling is done.
-An older dog. -She's an elder.
She's about 15. The fun part about her,
and what has been a great gift,
on top of just years of great news, globally,
is that she has lost the full-functioning use
of her hind legs and just rear half.
-Okay. -So she has a little wheelchair
that I put her in.
She, like, rolls around. -All right.
-And the real cherry on the cake...
[ Laughter ]
...is that, before bed -- and I am aware that
I'm talking about this on television...
-Okay, good. -...in order to, like,
lessen the chances of me waking up the next morning
with a stinky treat, I have to --
as instructed by my vet -- I have to encourage a movement,
uh, manually. -Okay.
-So I take a little bag and I, like, carry her to a spot,
I hold her up, and I, uh, you know, um...
play with my dog's butthole.
[ Laughter ]
And -- And -- And I don't love it.
I hate it.
But I do it every night.
And I'm happy.
The reward for it is dump in my hand.
[ Laughter ]
And I'm in my neighborhood, like, in the dark, doing this.
Like, other people walking by are, like,
walking by me like, "Jesus."
I'm like, "Uh, the vet told me to!"
[ Laughter ]
It is -- It is really -- It's a real morale booster.
[ Laughter ]
-Just 'cause, your whole day,
you know you've got that waiting at the end.
-I know, I got to milk my dog later on.
[ Laughter ]
And it's not like the normal -- the other, Potter, it's not like
he's any better, 'cause, like, it's late.
You know, you just want to go to bed,
and dogs are such jerks about it.
They're, like, you can tell they need to poo,
but they're like, "Here? No." [ Laughter ]
"Here? Nunh-unh." And you're like, "I can see
your body ready to go, and you're still denying me this."
And then, when they do it, you're like, "Yes!"
And then you're, like, this sad man, happy for poo.
[ Laughter ]
What is your life right now?
And I'm so acquainted with how poo feels now.
I'm like -- I always say, if it's dry, you're like,
"There's more in there," and now I'm sitting there
trying to get more out of her. It's so --
It's so sad. [ Laughter ]
We got enough to deal with. -Yeah!
-Anyway, I'm crushing it, man.
[ Laughter ]
-You got the rat tail. -I got a rat tail...
[ Both laugh ] ...doing poo stuff...
-You're a great dog owner. Let's not --
"B Positive" is a wonderful show with a wonderful cast.
You mentioned in that clip, your character was gonna go
to Juneau, Alaska, work on a fishing boat.
Now that you're a man of the air, have you ever
thought about life on the sea, maybe getting a fishing license
or something? -Oh, no, that's, uh,
far too, uh, um, bloody for me. No, I, uh --
I have actually, only recently --
When the pandemic started, I had, um...
I think I was googling -- or, YouTube'ing "squalls,"
"white squalls," because there's this Canadian folk singer
called Stan Rogers, who sings, like, sea shanties.
And I was like, "Mm. I wonder what a white squall is."
And like, "Oh, wow. That's pretty stormy."
And then, YouTube, later on, was like,
"I hear you're into sailing." And I'm like,
"Not really, but what do you got, YouTube?"
And YouTube is like, "Well, there's this --
there's this channel, these, like --
They're both so pretty.
There's this, like, pretty Australian couple,
the man and a woman, who have detached themselves from life.
They sail around the world, sailing the Vagabond.
I'll give you a shout-out! Why not?
I bought their merch.
I'm weirdly obsessed with sailing now.
And, uh, yeah, they live at sea, and I have thought about
just like, "You know what? That's it for me, boys."
[ Laughter ]
Like, "I'll take to the seas from now on."
But I have a feeling, like, I don't know, a week in,
I would just be like, "I want my Xbox.
What am I doing?" -Yeah.
-"What am I doing?" -"I can't believe I'm on a boat
with a dog that can't [bleep] on his own."
[ Laughter ] -In a white squall.
"Come on, Meatloaf!" [ Laughter ]
"Give me the goods, baby, give me that brown gold!"
-Is his name Meatloaf? -Her name is Meatloaf!
Don't mis-gender my dog! [ Laughter ]
-Oh, God. -It's 2022.
Please don't mis-gender my dog, Seth!
[ Laughter ]
I'm begging you. -All right, I hear you!
Apologies to Meatloaf.
She sounds wonderful. -Yes.
-This is Thomas Middleditch, everybody.
Thank you so much for being here.
-Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ]
-The season-two finale of "B Positive"
airs March 10th on CBS.