BILLY JOEL: OK.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: State your name.
Then beat it.
BILLY JOEL: I'm Billy Joel.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Billy Joel what?
Cat got your last name there?
BILLY JOEL: Just Billy Joel.
And this is Marlee Matlin.
MARLEE MATLIN: Hi.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Yeah, hi.
BILLY JOEL: We're grouch groupies.
MARLEE MATLIN: We love grouches.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: You love grouches?
Oh, yuck.
BILLY JOEL: And whenever I throw away a used piano, I
give it to grouch.
And this time, you're it.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Oh yeah?
Ooh, a used piano, man.
Huh.
BILLY JOEL: And Marlee helped me push this here.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Well while you're pushing, why don't you
just both shove off.
But leave my piano.
BILLY JOEL: Uh, not yet.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Hmm?
BILLY JOEL: Because with the piano comes a
song, a love song.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: A love song?
Aw.
BILLY JOEL: You hear the song, and then you get the piano.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Aw, I knew there had
to be strings attached.
BILLY JOEL: This one's for you, Oscar.
MARLEE MATLIN: Right from the heart.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Right from the heart?
Aw, I'm going to hate this.
[MUSIC - BILLY JOEL, "JUST THE WAY YOU ARE"]
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
Don't go changing just to please me 'cause being
friendly's not your style.
Mmm.
Don't want to hear you saying thank you--
OSCAR THE GROUCH: I won't.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]-- but I would hate to see you smile.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: I never smile.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
Just be grouchy, really grouchy.
You've done it pretty well so far.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Oh, compliments--
this is getting pretty sticky.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
I took the bad times.
I'll take the worst times.
I'll take you just the way you are.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Way I am, huh?
Ha, I'll change that.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
Don't go trying some new fashion.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: How's this?
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
I wouldn't like you debonair.
Mmm.
Just keep that can you stash your trash in.
Don't even try to comb your hair.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Just get lost, huh?
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
And don't try friendly conversation.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: That wasn't friendly.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
Don't change the oil in your car.
Mmm.
We just want someone that we can't talk to.
We want you just the way you are.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Well, you can't have me.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
I want to know that you will always be the same old Oscar
that I knew.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Is this him?
Heh, heh.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
Aw please just keep on talking mean to me.
Makes me happy when you do.
I said I love you.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: [INAUDIBLE].
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
And that's forever.
And this I promise from the heart.
Mmm.
We couldn't love you any better.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: This is the mushiest thing I ever heard.
BILLY JOEL: [SINGING]
We love you just the way you are.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: Aw.
What are you doing?
What's this?
What?
Hey.
Ah!
Never hug a grouch.
You're kissing me.
Aah!
Never do that to a grouch.
You really know how to hurt a grouch.
BILLY JOEL: Enjoy your piano.
MARLEE MATLIN: Have fun.
OSCAR THE GROUCH: You don't have to give me the piano.
I don't want it.
I heard this piano.
It's tuned.
Grouches hate love songs.
Except this one kind of really made me angry.
[SIGH]