Hey there, it's Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game.
In this video, I want to share with you what the most important thing when it comes to
getting back together with your ex really is, but before we get into that, I want to
tell you five things that actually don't matter even though a lot of people think that they
matter.
Okay, so the first thing is whether or not your ex is initiating contact with you.
Now this has very little to do with actually getting back together because although it's,
it seems like it might play some sort of role in it usually is something that a lot of women
seem to worry about more so than men.
But if you're really noticing a lot that like, oh, I'm doing all of the initiating with my
ex it, it, it's not really a good predictor because it doesn't matter who is picking up
the phone and sending the message or or anything like that.
What matters most is what the quality of the message is and what the interaction is between
the two of you.
When there is an interaction, right?
Like for example, I have a wife and we text and talk and do all that stuff too, but I
don't really stop and think about whether I'm initiating with her.
She was initiating with me.
I have no idea who does most of the initiating.
It could be completely one sided for all I know.
All I know is that we have a pretty good dynamic, right?
So what I'd really encourage you to do is to drop any kind of score keeping because
I think we all know that keeping score is the kiss of death for relationships, one of
many kisses of death, but it's definitely a kiss of death for relationships and I'd
ask you to instead focus on having high quality interactions instead.
Now the second thing that most people seem to think matters a lot is whether or not they're
ex is moving on, and the truth is is that it doesn't matter if your ex is moving on
or not because really what you want is for them to move on.
You want your ex to move on from the heartache, from the devastation, from the pain, from
the anguish, from all of the agony of the breakup.
You want them to move on, so the two of you can have a decent, reasonable, strong emotional
connection with one another if your ex doesn't move on and if you don't move on, the two
of you are just going to keep kind of repeating the same awful breakup cycle of, you know,
coming together and realising it sucks.
Breaking Up, coming together and realising it still sucks.
Breaking Up, coming together and realising it still sucks breaking up and it's not going
to take you anywhere that you want to go.
So what both of you need to do is you need to make a clean break and you both need to
move on emotionally and you both need to form a new connection with one another where both
of you have moved on from the breakup and both of you are able to have a stronger, more
meaningful, healthier connection with one another.
This is very important.
The third thing that most people think is really important when it comes to getting
back together with your ex is whether or not your ex is a, you know, putting you in the
friend zone or whether or not you are able to really attract your ex.
And the truth is, is that this doesn't matter whatsoever when it comes to getting back together
with your ex, because your ex probably finds you attractive already, you know, unless you
had some sort of dramatic physical change.
I'm talking like really dramatic, not like I have a Zit or I gained five pounds or something,
but like a really dramatic physical change like, you know, hey, remember that thing I
used to have called a face that's not there anymore, that kind of dramatic or you have
a very dramatic personality break where, you know, they thought they were getting this,
but instead they ended up getting this instead.
Right?
So if these sorts of things happen, yeah, there might be some retraction that needs
to happen because you're ex needs to find out who you are again.
But other than that, the switch has already been flipped.
Your ex already finds you attractive, right?
You are already an attractive person.
You don't need to worry about this.
And so what you need to understand instead is that the attraction that's already there
between the two of you is simply just being blocked by baggage, by negative emotions,
by the history between the two of you.
Okay?
And it doesn't matter if you use every attraction trick in the book.
It doesn't matter if you use a page, a day Kama Sutra calendar.
What is going to happen is all of that attraction is going to be blocked by the negative emotions,
by the baggage, by the history, by everything that happened, but it didn't happen for everything
that happened before, during and after the breakup.
And it's not going to get through to your acts and your ex is just going to say things
like, I just don't feel attracted to you anymore.
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
You know, stuff like that.
And so what you have to do, so you have to remove the negative emotions and the attraction
that's already there will flow its natural course and bring the two of you naturally
together, which is what attraction does on its own anyway.
So don't worry about attraction, don't worry about the friendzone for the same reason you
know your ex has not put you in the friend zone.
Your ex still thinks of us an attractive person.
It's just that they don't feel that attraction because it's blocked by the history, by the
negative feelings, by all of that stuff.
Okay?
So don't worry about the friend zone.
The friend zone is not something you need to worry about.
Yes, the friend zone does exist, but that's really more for people who have never been
in a relationship with one another.
You know, it's like, Hey, I just met you.
You want to go out on a date?
No, you just see me as a friend.
Oh No, I like that kind of thing.
Right?
But if you were actually in a relationship with somebody, if somebody has actually found
you attractive, then you don't need to worry about that person putting you in the friend
zone.
You know, if you just think about maybe one of your old previous relationships from a
long time ago, you can probably imagine that person or maybe we'll get a photo of that
person or something and say, you know, yeah, that, that was definitely an attractive person.
Yeah, she was really hot.
But you know, I, I just, I just don't really want to be in a relationship with her because
she cheated on me because you lied to me because we fought all the time because we just wanted
different things in life.
Right?
It's because of what happened.
It's because of the history, because it's the baggage between the two of you and if
you can just clear that out, then you can absolutely get back together with your ex
and you don't need to worry about retracting them.
You don't need to worry about any of that stuff.
The fourth thing that people think that they need to worry about when it comes to getting
back together with her ex is whether or not they're ex isn't a rebound relationship.
Now, you don't need to worry about whether or not your axes and a rebound relationship
because you want to focus on what actually matters when it comes to getting back together
with your ex and that is having a high quality emotional connection with them.
And I'll talk about this in a different video, but there's a certain psychological phenomenon
called the decoy effect that you can leverage that will actually cause your ex's attention
to be shifted from a rebound relationship to you.
If you actually are able to develop high quality emotional connections between you and them
that clear out all of the negative emotions that clear out of the history and baggage
and allow the two of you to connect on a significantly deeper level.
What essentially is happening is your ex will be comparing this version of you that they're
able to have these high quality interactions with these high quality connections with these,
these intense connections that cause ours to just melt away as if it's nothing, and
there'll be comparing that against the version of the year.
They broke up with the version of you.
They probably had a whole lot less connection with the pro version of you that were probably
frustrated and angry with, right?
Maybe even feeling contempt towards.
Right, and it's pretty clear which of these is the winner, right?
The new version of you, the one that they can connect with and what happens is they
have to make this comparison and so their attention is naturally pulled away from anyone
else they might actually be dating or in a relationship with and they just laser focus
it on you.
Okay, so don't worry about whether or not your ex isn't a rebound relationship.
If the quality of the connection is there and if it's strong enough, they their attention
will naturally gravitate towards you.
And the fifth and final thing that you do not need to worry about when it comes to getting
back together with your ex is the odds, the chances, luck, fate, all of this stuff people
often ask me, you know, what are the odds of me getting back together with my ex?
If you know the following things have happened, and the truth is is that it doesn't matter.
The truth is is that it doesn't matter what happened.
It doesn't matter what the odds are because the biggest factor in determining the odds
and the chances in all of that stuff is real you.
It's you and what you decide to do moving forward from here.
If you're half-hearted, wishy-washy, if you're going to give up at the first sign of trouble,
of a setback than your odds are pretty damn low to be completely frank and blunt with
you.
But if you are convicted to this, if you are willing to go forward with this, if you are
committed to this, then you will be able to pull forward through setbacks, through speed
bumps, through obstacles, through setbacks, and you are much, much, much more likely to
get back together with your ex.
So in all of this we have talked about five things that people really think are really
kind of major events when it comes to getting back together with your ex that actually don't.
And why I'm bringing all this up is because there's really only one thing that really
matters when it comes to getting back together with your ex.
And that is the quality of the emotional connection between the two of you.
You can ignore all of this stuff.
You can ignore the texting, who's initiating.
You could ignore rebound relationships.
You can ignore the friend zone and retract and you can ignore the chances in the odds
and you can still get back together with your ex if you are able to create a high quality
emotional connection with them.
If you were able to bond with them on a deep emotional level, if you are able to have these
substantially meaningful and significant conversations where you could be in like the loudest bar
or club in town and the two of you are just so connected, so in your own world, so in
your own bubble that it actually feels like you're in a bubble.
You know, everything else just kind of seems to fade away and it's just like the two of
you are the only people in the room.
Even though there could be hundreds of other people in the bar or club or whatever, you
know, I've literally had this experience and this can be yours and you can have this kind
of deep, meaningful, emotional connection with your ex, but you have to learn how to
do it.
Okay?
Most people have to learn how to do it.
It's not just automatic nature for them.
So here's what I'd like you to do.
If you're watching this video over on our website - modernlove.life, just go down below
and click on a link below this video and that'll take you over to a page that will tell you
more about how you can go ahead and develop deep meaningful connections between you and
your ex.
If you're watching this video over on Youtube, go ahead and click a link down below this
video again in the description box that will take you over to our website relationshipinner
game.com and over on relationshipinnergame.com,
You can go ahead and fill out a quick little questionnaire that basically tells us a little
bit about kind of where you're at, what's going on between you and your ex will kind
of outcome you want and all of that stuff.
It should only take about 30 seconds or so, no big deal.
And then once that's done, you'll get some information for me that would just tell you
kind of based off of what you've told me, what you can do to make some meaningful connections
with your ex and get yourself set up to get back together with them.
Okay?
And again, what?
Wherever you are, all the good stuff is down below this video.
So go ahead and start clicking down there, but if you are watching this on youtube and
you did like this video, please go ahead and give us a like and go ahead and subscribe
to this channel Relationship Inner Game so that you can get updates from us whenever
we upload new videos.
And you can also leave a comment down below.
That'd be greatly appreciated.
Just tell me what sorts of videos you would like to see me make moving forward.
Okay.
Anyway, this has been clay with modern love about life and this has been relationship,
inner game.
I'll talk to you in our next video.
Please take care.