Welcome to Spotlight. I’m Bruce Gulland.
And I’m Liz Waid. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier
for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
Have you heard the English expression “love at first sight”? Here is an example, from
the film Titanic. This film is a very popular love story. The love story happens on the
famous Titanic ship. In the film, a young man and young woman meet for the first time.
Their names are Jack and Rose. One day, Jack sees Rose standing high up on the ship. His
face changes. He thinks she is beautiful. Rose looks at Jack too. Something happens
between them - a kind of connection. They have to meet. They already love each other!
They have experienced “love at first sight.” They fell in love the first time they saw
each other.
Love at first sight is common in films and stories. Some people say it can even happen
in real life. But can it? Is love at first sight real love? What makes people want to
have a relationship with a particular person? Today’s Spotlight is on the science of falling
in love. What makes us feel closeness with other people?
Falling in love can seem mysterious. Strong feelings develop, sometimes quickly. But why?
Scientists and experts study love and attraction - that feeling that you want to be closer
to another person. They study changes in a person's body, when that person feels love.
One thing that scientists measure is hormone levels. Hormones are substances in the body
that affect behaviour and emotions. Scientists found particular hormones in a person who
is falling in love. These give people more energy and make them feel happy. Other studies
show that over time, different hormones also appear. These give people a sense of happiness
and closeness through many years of a loving relationship.
There are many complex reasons why and how we fall in love. Like Jack and Rose in Titanic,
some people experience “love at first sight.” They do not choose to feel attraction. But
what if there was a scientific way to make any two people have a closer relationship
with each other?
Dr. Arthur Aron performed a study to test this question. Aron studies relationships
between people. He wanted to see if he could scientifically make people feel an emotional
connection with another person. Dr. Aron created a list of 36 questions. He designed the questions
in a special way. He made them to create a sense of closeness between the people asking
them. Dr. Aron chose two people at a time for the experiment. They did not know each
other. The two people sat together in a room. They took turns asking and answering Dr. Aron’s
36 questions. Here are some of the questions they asked:
“When did you last sing to yourself? When did you last sing to someone else?”
“Name three things you and the person you are talking to appear to have in common.”
“What is your most terrible memory?”
“Tell the person you are talking to what you like about them; be very honest. Say things
that you might not say to someone you have just met.”
“If you were to die today with no chance to communicate with anyone, what would you
most regret not having told someone? Why have you not told them yet?”
The two people spent almost an hour talking together. Then they wrote about the experience.
They answered questions about how close they felt to each other. People in the study said
that their relationship to the person they talked to was close. After only one hour,
they said that the closeness was equal to their average relationship.
From this study, Dr. Aron found that relationships grew quickly when people shared more about
themselves. The questions were personal and equal. The questions also became more complex
over time. This, Dr. Aron says, is how close relationships are made. Dr. Aron even found
that the study created lasting relationships in the real world. Many of the people who
talked to each other continued to see each other and do things together. But did this
study produce real closeness? Dr. Aron answers this question in a journal article about the
study:
“We think that the closeness produced in these studies is similar to closeness in natural
relationships that develop over time. But it seems unlikely that these questions produce
loyalty, dependence, commitment, or other important qualities of a relationship. These
qualities may take longer to develop.”
So Aron’s questions do not really make people have a relationship. But they show the kind
of conversations that help two people feel closer to each other.
Mandy Len Catron wanted to test Dr. Aron’s theory. Catron is a writer for the New York
Times. She tried her own experiment with Dr. Aron’s 36 questions. She met a man in a
restaurant. They asked each other Dr. Aron’s questions. Catron noticed how quickly she
and the man talked about personal issues. For most people, it can take months to talk
about important personal issues. Discussing them made Catron feel much closer to the man
very quickly. She wrote that the experience was very good:
“What I like about this study is how it is based on the idea that love is an action.
It is based on the idea that what matters to the person I am talking to, matters to
me.”
Catron did fall in love with the man she talked to in the experiment. But she knows this does
not happen for very many people. For most people, forming close relationships takes
time and energy. Relationships are also very complex. Science has shown that many things
influence who we are attracted to and why. But Aron’s study shows that what is important
for relationships is learning to grow closer together. Sue Johnson wrote a book called
“Love Sense.” It looks at the science of loving relationships. She told the Huffington
Post:
“It is completely terrible for us to keep defining love as a big mystery. We just need
to know about it. We need to know how to shape it.”
What about you? Do you think love is an action? Have you ever fallen in love with someone?
Was it love at first sight? Or did you take time to build a feeling of closeness? Tell
us what you think. You can leave a comment on our website. Or email us at radio@radioenglish.net.
You can also comment on Facebook at Facebook.com/spotlightradio.
The writer of this program was Rena Dam. The producer was Michio Ozaki. The voices you
heard were from the United Kingdom and the United States. All quotes were adapted for
this program and voiced by Spotlight. You can listen to this program again, and read
it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net. This program is called, “Falling in Love”.
We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program. Goodbye.