- What is her name?
Her name is [INAUDIBLE]
[INAUDIBLE]
Is your daughter-in-law black?
African-American, yes.
Oh, and you came here from?
We came from Germany.
- Germany? - Yes.
- So you're German? - Yes.
- And your son is German? - Yes.
Married to a black woman?
Yes.
OK.
There are some inherent challenges in that.
But, anyway--
Cultural differences.
Yeah.
You know.
So culture is an issue, and then what?
For me most of it is how you are brought up
or where you brought up and how you were raised.
- Class. - Yes.
Culture, and then class.
And maybe language does it--
maybe the way I or how we say things in Germany
are maybe said different here.
OK.
So where are you today?
Let's start there. - Yes.
Where are you and her today?
So since January, we're not on very good terms
because I said something to her that was my opinion.
And how she took it, and the result was that she didn't let
me see my grandchildren for the last three weeks.
What did you say?
I said to her that I cannot recall the first child ever
having so many bumps or bruises on her
forehead as the second child.
And I know why.
Why?
Because the six-year-old is watching the three-year-old,
on the trampoline, or they are left downstairs
while momma is busy upstairs.
So what you were saying was, you're not watching your kids.
And as a result, the little one seems to be getting banged up.
That's what you were saying.
But that's not what you said.
No.
You said, I don't recall--
Yes.
--the first child having this many--
so
Yeah I was careful with how I said it.
Oh, that's not careful.
OK.
That's not careful because you were really
communicating something that you weren't being
upfront about, but anyway.
How long have they been married?
Since 2011.
So that's seven years.
So in seven years, why would she take one comment
that you made the wrong way?
Is there a history of this between you and her?
Yes, apparently what I say or how I say it--
it's always on the defense.
The root is maybe somewhere else.
She maybe has this already like, uh-uh, not her.
Because no matter what I offer, you want to go to the park,
you want to go to the farmer's market,
she doesn't want to do that with me.
But yet, a week later or two, she goes by herself
and checks it out.
Well why are you making this about her and not about you?
What do you mean, she has, uh-uh, not her?
What if you have, uh-uh not her?
What if that's you?
No but from the beginning, when
I babysat the first time in their place,
it was unbelievably filthy.
And we had this chaos every morning
to find the matching socks or the clothes that was washed.
And when I said to my son, oh my god,
Chris, that's not how you were raised, and he's like,
mom don't say anything to her.
So then there were, when I babysat again
because she wanted to go for an interview,
I said, you know what Chris, next time if I babysit,
you need to bring the child to me.
The way the couch was--
couldn't put your jacket or your purse down, it was just--
in my book, my culture, the way I was raised, it was just
not, it was terrible.
I felt bad that the kids grow up not with a certain order
because in every place you have a order, in every business you
have a order.
Makes your life easier.
I mean that's how I feel.
Well how did you grow up?
I grew up very in order circumstances,
you know like I had a home.
I had a place that was where I was taken care of,
regular meals.
OK.
So you use how you were raised and your culture
as the standard for how things should be.
Is that what I'm hearing?
Because I heard you say the house
was filthy according to the standard of your culture.
How was she raised?
She went through a lot, you know--
Like?
Shelter to shelter, never staying long
at a place, not a consistency of where you live or your,
you know, where you put your clothes or not as I knew life.
Where you put your clothes?
What do you mean, like drawer, dresser--
Yes.
--closet?
On the chair or, you know.
Mama, grandma, what did they call you in--
Omi.
That's what I thought, Omi.
You're in that relationship in inappropriate ways.
Too much judgment, are you aware of that?
No.