- Hey player.
Rejection hurts plain and simple,
but what could be even worse than rejection
is the thought of remaining friends with your crush
when not being with them is tearing you up inside.
So what do you do?
Is it possible to remain friends with your crush?
I'll answer that question, right after this.
♪ This is the Josh speaks ♪
♪ Watching the Josh speaks ♪
- A question I get asked a lot is,
how do I go about asking out my crush where
if they say yes we can go out,
but if they say no we can pretend like it never happened
and go right back to being just friends?
Having things go back to being the way they were
isn't a realistic way of looking at it and
if we really wanna tackle this problem
we have to do it piece by piece.
The first thing you need to dig deep into
is really looking at
what type of friendship you guys had from the start.
Would you say you became friends with your crush
because you truly and honestly just wanted to be friends?
Or you did you become friends
with the hope of having something more with them?
And that's not to say that every friendship
starts with romantic feelings,
sometimes they develop along the way.
But, I'm gonna assume that in the beginning
there was some level of attraction there
and you two became friends because
you didn't wanna ruin your chances
of being able to interact with them
or have things be awkward.
And on their end,
they probably thought you were just friends
because you never gave them a reason
to suspect that you like them.
But now that they know,
they may not be interacting or
talking with you as much
leaving you to think,
well what can I do to make things normal?
But the major problem doesn't rest with just you or them,
it's a combination of factors.
Here's an example,
imagine someone starts interacting with you,
you guys have a nice friendly conversation
and then all of a sudden
they start asking you to borrow money.
After a while, if they keep asking you to borrow money
and when you don't give it to them
they stop interacting with you.
You might think, hey wait a minute.
This whole time they weren't really my friend,
they just wanted something from me.
That's probably how your crush feels in some way.
All this time they thought you two were just being friendly,
but now they find out that every interaction
you guys have had
have been on the basis of you liking them.
I know, that's not to say
that you weren't being a genuine friend at times.
But for them, it's hard to distinguish
when you were just being friendly
and when you were doing things because you like them.
Who's to say what was genuine and what wasn't?
How's that person supposed to know
that if you guys became friends again
you would honestly just be their friend.
And now things are just awkward,
so what do you do?
The truth is, things can't go back
to the way that they were, nor should they.
When you have feelings for someone
that should be how you primarily
lead your interactions with them.
And I don't mean starting every conversation with,
hey, I like you.
We should go out.
But instead, aiming to get to know them better
to see if the two of you would be compatible.
Do you guys have similar hobbies?
Share the same values or goals?
Or even like the same kinda music?
These are the type of things
that you should find out about them
so you can see if you two are good for each other.
I've talked in the past about the number one reason
why most people end up in the friend zone
and it comes down to not communicating how you feel.
I know it can be scary sometimes,
but it's what has to be done.
I know, it's way easier said than done.
Being around your crush can make you feel nervous,
they may always be around their friends,
or you may just rarely ever see them.
But in those small times
that you do get to interact with them
make sure to display that your intentions
are beyond just being friends.
And the number one follow up question
to that is always how.
Well, what I would say to do is
ask them to hang out one on one
so you guys can spend that time
really interacting with each other.
And if you can't do that,
try to organize a group hangout
so you can at least be around them to talk to them.
I know it seems simple to ask someone to hang out
just to get to know them better,
but that way you don't have to be purely direct and say
I like you let's go out,
which can be scary
and you don't have to be indirect by saying
hey, we should hang out but just as friends,
which isn't being honest.
But even if you tried doing everything right
and still got rejected,
is it possible then to go back to being friends?
Honestly, yes it is.
If you truly wanna navigate back to being just friends,
here's what I suggest you do.
Take some time for yourself and let them go.
Part of the issue with pretending like
you don't have feelings for them anymore,
is that you're not really being honest with yourself
and they know you're not being honest with them.
If you see them flirting with someone else,
it may make you jealous
or it may just hurt your feelings
if they ever come to you
with problems about someone they're dating
or just someone else that they like.
You can mask not caring
and hiding your feelings,
but how long do you think you honestly can keep that up?
It may seem impossible
and you may feel like you're in love with them
and just can't let them go.
But it's what needs to happen.
When you cut them off,
take that time to better yourself.
Make new friends, try new hobbies
or even date new people.
That way when you do interact with them again,
you're coming from a different place.
The new you that's present
carries a whole new world
of different perspectives on things.
That way when you interact with them
hopefully, your feelings have subsided
and you guys can truly interact as just friends now.
Here's the thing though,
if you're coming back into the fold,
becoming friends with them
secretly having feelings
and running into the same issue,
re-watch the first few minutes of this video
to see why you shouldn't do that.
Look there's nothing wrong or immature
about letting go of a friendship because
you have romantic feelings for them
that won't go anywhere.
If that other person is trying to make you feel bad
for not being their friend anymore.
Then really ask them, if you care about me as a friend
and you know that we can't be together
why would you put me through the pain
of pretending like we could be just be friends?
Save yourself the trouble of arguing with them
about why you need to do this.
You need this time to heal and to move on.
It's the only way that you're gonna do it.
What do you think though?
Are you having trouble maintaining
a friendship with your crush
after you got rejected by them?
Leave your comments below
and we'll talk about it.
If you do end up becoming friends again,
and you wanna really prevent
the same mistake from happening.
Try having them introduce you to their friends.
That way, you can develop your own relationships with them
and not fall into the same situations
of being jealous and insecure
because you're not with them.
So, in the end, be kind
be understanding and be honest with yourself.
And I promise,
you'll end up making your way through this
and being a better person in the end.
As always guys,
love
and peace