[cheers and applause]
- I love this man already.
- I mean, hello, hello.
- Hey. - You haven't done anything
and already the crowd is going crazy for you.
- I paid them all to do that, so that was--
- Ah, okay. - I got you, Venmo, okay?
[laughter]
- What is your name?
- Uh, my name is Jordan Conley.
- How old are you? - I'm 29.
- And where do you come from?
- I'm from Garden Grove, California.
- And you came here to dance? - No.
I actually came here to do stand-up comedy.
- Oh. [cheers and applause]
[chuckles]
- Jordan, how long have you been a comedian?
- I've been doing it for seven years now.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- And that's how you make a living?
- I--I would like to say yes,
but also, do you want your fries with more ketchup?
You know what I mean? Like, does that make sense?
Okay, I just wanted to confirm. That's--so yeah.
- But that didn't discourage you,
because here you are. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. [cheers and applause]
[chuckles] - So what is your dream?
What--where do you see yourself in the future?
- I have very, very big dreams.
So my dream right now is all based off of Kevin Hart.
Kevin Hart did a football stadium
I think with, like, 73,000 people.
My goal is 73,001.
[cheers and applause]
- Wow. That's ambition.
- Okay, so let's see what you've got.
- Okay, thank you.
So I come from a very tough upbringing.
Like, I have a military family.
My parents met in the Marine Corps.
Like, that's where my parents met, right?
Like, my dad came to me, he was like,
"Yo, it'd be so cool
if my oldest son could join the military."
I was like, "Dad, it'd be so cool
if you adopted somebody older than me, yeah."
- [chuckles] - I'm--[chuckles]
I'm not that guy. I feel like,
if you're gonna go overseas,
you need to be willing to take secrets to the grave.
I'm not that guy, okay? You know what I mean?
Like--like, if I go overseas--
let's say I get captured.
I become a prisoner of war.
I'm telling my secrets, your secrets,
and Victoria's secrets. You know what I'm saying?
[laughter] [cheers and applause]
I'm telling them all.
Like, I could be in a hostage situation
and this guy's trying to threaten me.
He's like, "What's it gonna take
to get these secrets from you?"
I'm like, "Sir, a pen and paper.
"Just--get-- listen, give me that,
"put the knives away, this is a celebration.
You caught the right guy, okay?"
- [laughs]
[cheers and applause]
- The toughest person in my family is
by far my mom.
She's tough. She's old-school.
Like, if you ever got in trouble with her,
she would turn whatever situation with you
into a horror movie scene, I promise you.
[chuckles] This one day she says,
"Jordan, didn't I tell you
"to come downstairs and do these dishes?
You better do these dishes before you get in trouble."
I lost at a video game.
I got angry. I snapped.
I said, "You ain't done nothing all day.
"I suggest you stay downstairs and do them dishes
before you get in trouble."
[chuckles] Out of nowhere, this is all I heard.
[demonic voice] "Who the hell you think you're talking to?"
- [laughs] - [chuckles]
As soon as I heard that voice,
all the power in my house cut off, okay?
The lights cut off.
These crows came out of my closet.
My windows opened up.
There were these two little girls
in a school uniform jumping rope and singing.
They were like, "One, two, you're mama's coming for you."
- [laughs]
- I woke up a week later confused.
Thank you guys.
[cheers and applause] I'm Jordan.
- Wow. Wow.
♪
- I thought it was spectacular.
There's something about your energy.
I think you have all the future ahead of you.
- Thank you so much.
- You are just naturally funny,
because you are super, super talented.
- Absolutely.
- When you did the voice,
you really cracked me up.
- [chuckles]
- This was a really, really, really good audition.
I like you a lot. [cheers and applause]
- I mean, you are so fast.
It's crazy how you go from here to there
and here to there, but, like, I was, like following.
And then we're in your house, and I was there with you.
And it was all funny.
And I'm doing the same thing to my kids.
When they don't behave, guess what?
- You know, there are certain people--
you've mentioned Kevin Hart.
And one of the things that makes these people stars
is there are people that come out
and then they do an act.
And then there are people that come out,
you believe there's no separation
between who that person is and this is not an act.
The difference is people go, "I love Kevin Hart."
People are gonna say "I love Jordan Conley.
It's not his act. I love him."
- So we're gonna vote.
I'm gonna give you your first yes.
Howie? - Your second yes.
[cheers and applause]
- Third yes. - Simon?
- I'm gonna give you roughly 4,000 yeses.
[cheers and applause]
- [sighs]
- Bravo!
I've never seen you laugh so much.
- He was so funny. It was that voice.
- Yeah, you were really, like-- you were doing, like,
this thing. [laughs] - Yeah.
- [laughs]
- Oh, Jordan.
Hey, man, give me a hug. Give me a hug.
Aw. [chuckles] You look emotional.
- Ah, man, a bee fell in my eye.
- [laughs]