Are you getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist or dealing with one in your life,
it just so hard to even think about winning, all you think about is surviving?
In this video, I'm going to give you tips on how to start creating that winning vision that
you're going to need so that they don't get the best of you, you get the best of them.
Hi. I'm Rebecca Zung, and I've been recognized as one of the top 1% of attorneys in the country
and I've written a couple of bestselling books, Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free:
A Step-by-step Divorce Guide. Most importantly for you, I take my skills that I've learned on
mastering negotiating with narcissists and I have put them into resources for you. Most importantly,
right here on this channel, it's free, free resources right here on my YouTube channel. If
you're ready to win and you're ready to shift that dynamic, then hit that Subscribe button,
hit that notification bell, and that way you'll get notified when I upload brand new content.
Let's talk about creating a winning vision. I'm telling you, when you're dealing with narcissists,
it's so hard to even think straight. You've got scrambled eggs for brains, It's like the
toxic stew has just permeated your brain and yourselves. You're like, "How in the world can
I ever get out of this thing? Winning vision? I just want to survive." I mean, it's so hard.
When you're starting to think about this and you're starting to shift that dynamic,
the first thing you really need to do is start to think about where is it that you want to go, what
is it that you want to see, what kind of life do you want to have? Because it's sort of like a GPS,
the GPS doesn't know where to take you unless you put in the destination. It's sort of fun, it
actually starts helping you to think about where is it that you want to go, what's the destination.
I'm telling you, it may seem like this is so simple, but so many times when I've been dealing
with people who have been dealing with narcissists and I've been helping them not just as a lawyer,
but also I do strategic strategy coaching for negotiating with narcissists, for people
literally all over the world, on every continent on the planet, and a lot of times,
all people will tell me is, "And they did this, and they did that to me, and they did this to me,
and they did that to me. How are they getting away with this," and dah, dah, dah, dah. The thing is,
that you're constantly in this defensive mode and sometimes it doesn't even occur to you
to go, "Wait a minute. I don't have to constantly be on the defensive.
Maybe I could actually start being on the offensive and not constantly just surviving,
surviving, surviving," but actually get out of that dynamic and start thinking about yourself
and start thinking about what it is that you want for yourself and creating that winning vision.
One of the ways that you can start doing that is using words like, I am. I am powerful,
I am successful, I am a winner. I am, whatever it is. If those are too far away from where you're
feeling right now, just start saying I am feeling better, I am feeling like I can create a plan,
I am feeling like I'm turning this around, I am feeling more like I know what's going on,
I'm feeling more like it's not my fault, like it's the other person that has a problem.
When you start to use that kind of terminology in your brain, then you'll start to see that the
world will shift for you, because whatever your words are, that's what's going to come
back to you. It's like you're placing orders to the universe, and whatever words you use to
place orders to the universe, the universe is very good at making sure you get exactly that.
This isn't just woo-woo stuff. This is actual physics. This is quantum law,
like attracts like. It's just energy. Your thoughts are beams of energy that go out
into the universe and whatever you put out there, it's like a boomerang, it comes right back to you.
You've got to be really careful about controlling that. One of the things that you can do is
create that vision that you're going to hold for yourself. What is it that you want from your life?
Is it peace? Is it tranquility? Is it a healthy relationship? What is it specifically?
Is it financial stability? Is it abundance? All of these things are available to you, but
if you start off by saying things to yourself that are very, very, self-defeating like, "I'll never
win. I can never get this. The other person always gets what they want. Nobody will ever believe me.
I'm not likable. I'm not lovable. I'm not worthy," all of these things, you are self-defeating right
away. When you start to feel those thoughts come flying in, if you have a vision of where it is
that you're going, you can pivot back to that. It also helps you create your strategic plan.
When I am teaching you how to do this in my SLAY program, S stands for strategy,
the very first thing I have you do pretty much is figure out what's your guiding principle,
what's your vision, where do you want to go, instead of constantly thinking, "Well, I want them
to be brought to justice. I want that person to be exposed. I want this to happen." Yes, all of that
is good. I'm not saying don't do that part. What I'm saying is that's only half the goal. Bringing
them to justice is fine, but what about you? What about your life? What is it that you want?
If you're having trouble with taking care of yourself, make sure you check out my video on
self-care to cope with narcissists, because it's really hard a lot of the times to even think about
your own self-care, but part of your self-care has got to be creating that winning vision. If
you're so ready to win this situation with the narcissist, I want to see a win in the comments,
because you are all winners. We are all winners. We are all unique. We all are
searching for the same things and we all want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter. That's
why I called my book Negotiate Like You Matter. That doesn't make you a narcissist, by the way.
I talk about narcissism as being kind of like a continuum. Basically, we all want to feel seen,
heard, and know that we matter as human beings. Normal human beings have a feeling of
care, sympathy, compassion, empathy. We feel things for other people, we love other people.
We don't say certain things sometimes because we don't want to hurt their feelings
or somebody lost somebody close to them, you can feel that, you feel their pain.
That's what makes you not a narcissist, okay? It's the continuum. The way I look at it is you
get to the end of the continuum and then there's this narcissist at the end who only cares about
feeling, seen, heard and know that they matter and doesn't care about anybody else. It's a me and not
you world, it's I have to survive and therefore you can't because we can't both survive, there's
only one life raft and I get to have it. That's how the narcissist is thinking at all times.
For you, you have to remember that that's how they're thinking and take the focus off of them
and put it back on yourself and think about where it is that you want to go, what is that you want,
and not think about anything more with that person, because if they're truly a narcissist,
they're never going to be thinking about you, they're never going to change. You have to
do that. Creating that winning vision and then holding onto it is the very first thing that you
need to do. Then from there you can create your strategy, your leverage, you can anticipate what
they're going to do, focusing on you, focusing on your case, focusing on your self-care, focusing
on the vision of where it is that you want to go. Be very specific. What I say is when you place an
order to a waiter or a server at a restaurant, you don't just say, "Food," right? You say,
"I want a steak, and I want it medium rare and I want it like this, and I want a salad,
and I want the dressing on the side." You're very, very specific. You've got to do the same thing
when you are creating your winning vision, specific. What is it that you want? Where do you
want to go? Then you just hold that vision, write it down on a piece of paper, put it on post-it
notes, stick it on your mirror, stick it on your dashboard of your car, look at it all the time.
That's where I'm going. Then you'll be able to drive and get exactly where you want to go, okay?
If you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush
My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. Do not even try to negotiate without it. It's been given to thousands
of people at this point, and I can't even believe how much amazing feedback we get from people
who've negotiated successfully just from that. It's totally free, so just go ahead and grab it,
winmynegotiation.com and it's all yours. Join me in my free private Facebook group,
get the connection and support you need, Narcissist Negotiators With Rebecca Zung.
If you liked this video, give it a, like, give it a share, drop me that comment. I want to
know that you're going to win, give me that win in the comments, all right? Hey, if you
haven't subscribed yet, what are you waiting for? Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
Thanks so much for joining me today. I am so glad that you're here, together we're going to
do this. I send you light, I send you love, I send you support. I'm Rebecca Zung. Remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.