Scottish author and clergyman, George Mac Donald, once observed:
“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
I don’t know about you, but I agree with that sentiment.
Being trustworthy is an essential part of my self-concept.
Sure, I want to be loved, but to be known as someone you can count on is even more important
to me.
And, if you think about it, love is built on trust.
Virtually every communication and business management textbook I’ve ever read extolls
the virtues of trust in relationships, whether those relationships be romantic, friendships,
familial, or workplace.
But rarely do they devote more than a couple of paragraphs to the concept.
Why?
It’s likely because trusting and being trustworthy can be hard—and hard to define.
That’s what this video will focus on: A discussion of what trust is, including the
elements of trust.
Why trust is important, and Two different types of trust.
Starting with, “What is trust?”
One way to look at trust is to consider the elements, or behaviors, that contribute to
the concept of trust: Intent to do well by others… but intent
by itself, is not enough.
Character: being honest, sincere, and behaving with integrity,
Transparency: Arguably, this is related to character: you are open in your communication
with others and are not operating with hidden agendas
Competence or capability: your ability to do things.
Reliability and Consistency: Keeping your promises, meeting your obligations
Notice that, in this view, all must be combined and overlap.
Let’s take a different approach, as suggested by social psychologist Morton Deutsch.
Realize that trust involves some level of risk, and that risk has consequences—which
can pay off in harmful or beneficial ways.
And, if we were to diagram this, there is an expectation that there is more to be lost
from the harmful consequences than will be gained from the beneficial consequences.
You recognize that those consequences, beneficial or harmful, are dependent on the actions of
the other person.
You will trust when you are confident that the other person will behave so that beneficial
consequences result.
Let’s consider a few examples: Many parents, myself included, went through
agonizing times when their children learned to drive.
(Even now, just thinking about it causes my heart to race).
But having another driver in the house definitely has major benefits.
However, the scary thoughts of accidents often push those benefits to the side—much more
to be lost if these harmful consequences were to come to pass than would be gained by the
benefits.
So, we do what we can do to increase our confidence that will allow us to trust that the new driver
will behave in a way that will result in those positive consequences.
Another example: Say you are thinking about disclosing something
personal to a friend.
This self-disclosure could have the benefit of deepening your friendship but you are also
running a risk of being ridiculed or having that information used against you in the future.
You’re not likely going to self-disclose until you are relatively sure that your friend
will respond positively.
Okay, so now we know that trust refers to the general belief that people can rely on
each other.
Why is trust important?
On an interpersonal level, we need to feel physically and emotionally safe.
We have to feel like we can be who we truly are with someone; it is exhausting to put
up a front all the time.
When people trust each other, they are more willing to openly express their thoughts,
feelings, reactions, opinions, information, and ideas.
When trust level is low, people tend to be evasive, dishonest, and inconsiderate in their
communication.
On a task-related level, we have to be able to count on others to survive.
In a group situation, the more people can trust each other, the more effectively they
will work together.
By trusting others, we can share resources, we can divide up the work, and we can give—and
accept--help.
In general, by trusting each other, we are able to accomplish mutual goals—we can help
each other.
That leads us quite nicely into the two different types of trust:
Interpersonal trust and task-related trust.
Interpersonal trust is the belief that the other will not do anything to harm your interests
or welfare.
That means keeping your confidences and being committed to the relationship.
Task-related trust is the belief in someone’s ability to do what needs to be done and that
they will do it, or what I’ll call “follow-through.”
Both types of trust are evident in your various relationships.
And it’s not always a black-and-white assessment.
Let me use my husband as an example: I trust him on most things, but maybe not everything.
And, there are degrees as well.
I know he has my best interests at heart.
So there is interpersonal trust.
Does that mean he won’t occasionally let something slip that we discussed in private?
And, while I know that he has the ability and the willingness to take our children to
their doctor’s appointments, I also know that he can lack follow-through at times.
Consider your working relationships: Do you trust that your co-workers will show up when
they are scheduled?
That they have the ability and skills to do what needs to be done?
And that they will actually do it by the deadline?
That would be task-related trust.
But you often engage in small talk—and sometimes “large talk” with your co-workers.
Can you trust them to keep any privileged information you share private?
So, interpersonal trust is present even in task-oriented relationships.
If your question now is, “How can I increase the likelihood that others find me trustworthy?”,
ahh… that’s a question for another video.