*Achievement Hunter and Rage Quit intro*
Table Tennis?
You're here to whack some balls?
Who wants me to whack their balls?
I'll whack the shit out of them!
Look at these fucking guys.
There is a fierce competition going on, oh-
Oh just-
Fucking overhead view there.
There is a crowd of literally DOZENS of people watching this battle rage on!
Now just starting this, we have the option of choosing white guy,
Asian guy,
white chick,
or super-white dude.
And I think we all know, we're gonna go with the super whitey here.
Just look at how high he wears his shorts.
It's phenomenal.
Look at that fucking stance!
How can you go wrong with Jesper?
The guy's name is Jesper and he's got a stance that just says,
"I'm ready for anything."
Now since I already have Jesper, which puts me on an insane advantage,
I'm just gonna go ahead and pick "Random",
because there's really nothing they can do to stop me at this point.
All right, so we have the battle of the fucking clones here,
Jesper versus Jesper.
Just kidding, it's his evil twin brother,
thought to be killed in the Himalaya Mountains twelve years ago.
I-
all right.
What am I doing?
Hi.
Oh, never mind, I guess I'm hitting the ball.
How do I-
what the fuck did I just do?
Holy shit!
All right, good start.
This is like Legend of Zelda.
I'm like facing Shadow Jesper in a fierce match of table tennis.
That was.. impressive.
Here we go.
Ok, for turn, this looks bad for me-
No, got it.
Fuck.
Game: Service Jesper.
Michael: Oh, it's "serve Jesper".
THAT DOESN'T TELL ME ANYTHING!
Stop going to the right, you dipshit.
GODDAMN it, Jesper!
Are you serious?
"Oh, moving around can be beneficial,
but moving around can also suck shit."
Thanks for the fucking tip!
Game: Sweden to serve.
Michael: "Sweden to serve"
We're both from fucking Sweden!
We're both named Jesper!
Who the fuck you talking about?!
Here we go.
Here we go. (2x)
Nothing but power!
No-
How do I hit the-
really?
Ok, now he's hitting the ball I guess.
It's the other side of Sweden.
It's like North Sweden versus South Sweeden.
Game: 7-1
1-7
Michael: "7-1 1-7"
*stuttering*
Like, he gotta say it twice?
I know what the score is!
You don't gotta rub it in, you piece of shit!
*Grunts*
There we go!
That was the best-
fucking shit.
FUCKING CHRIST, JESPER!
I'm- this is like fucking Twins!
Like he's Arnold Schwarzenegger and I'm Danny DeVito,
I got all the fucking goo!
That's gonna fucking wreck me.
No-
Oh.
Oh!
Amazing save and then an amazing whiff by Jesper!
And ALSO,
AN AMAZING point by Jesper!
You're gonna fucking miss-
HOLY SHIT, he made it! That was incredible!
Don't go out!
Don't go out! (2x)
OH, YOU HIT THE NET, JESPER!
YOU HIT THE FUCKING NET!
YA DONE GOOFED, SON!!
"Game point"
So I just need to get like what?
Like fucking nine in a row to win?
Easy peasy lemon I'm fucking screwed.
Fuck.
Fuck. (2x)
Fuck. Fuck. (4x)
Fuck. (5x)
Fuck. (6x)
Goddamn it!
All right, so Round One, Jesper wins.
And also Round One, Jesper loses.
Game Two: Sweden versus Sweden
This is for supremacy right here.
Fucking shit.
I fucking hit him in the face!
Does that count?
Yeah it does!
Eat it, bitch!
I'm hitting balls in your fucking mouth,
get used to it,
'cause after the game, I'm gonna teabag you!
You're gonna lose all your fucking sponsorship's, you stupid yellow shirt wearing piece of shit!
First fucking swing?!
The first fucking swing you whiff?!
Hit the goddamn thing!
He's got no fucking depth perception!
Look at this.
I'm just fucking show bo and I don't give a fuck.
"Oh, where am I gonna go?
Where am I gonna go?
I'm too fast for you!
My feet are too quick!
I'm over here!
and then-"
Oh, then I fucking missed. Shit.
Can I like aim to hit him in the fucking eyeball?
So then he misses the next shot,
and then when he's down I'm gonna fucking kick him in the GODDAMN GROIN?!
You fuck!
You MOTHERFUCKER!!
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
I don't know- I have no idea what the fucking significance of the ball color is, but it's like,
"Oh, it's green and now it's fucking red!
And then he hit it and it's fucking red again and I hit it's blue.
And then he hit it back and it's fucking green and I hit it it's red.
And he's gonna hit the FUCKING BALL AND THEN HE FUCKING HIT IT'S OUT LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!
Fuck me.
Fucking-
*Jersey Shore voice* Oh! Uh! Do the fucking fist pump!
Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!
Fist pump! Fist pump!
You know what I'm saying, Snooks?
You wanna feel my abs?
*normal voice* Oh, I'm so fucking screwed.
Why is he so much stronger?
We're fucking twins!
Our DNA is the same!
We're the same biologically!
We have all the same fucking chromosomes and everything!
Why is he such a goddamn juggernaut?
I'm like a fucking
useless pile of goo that just sits here and frails my arm like a fat, fucking flabby, piece of shit!
Oh, I guess that's it! I guess I fucking lost!
Well, SHIT!
Go fuck yourself, Jesper!
*Achievement Hunter outro*