Last week I read this article on Forbes — because I saw someone share it on Twitter.
I don’t just read Forbes ordinarily, okay?
I’m not a monster.
Anyway, the article’s headline announces “DC Films Still Doesn’t Know What To Do
With Superman.”
It talks about how, despite recent successes such as Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and just recently
Joker, the studio in charge of adapting DC Comics characters to the big screen can’t
seem to figure out what to do with the granddaddy of all superheroes.
This is not a new problem.
You know what, let me rephrase that, because what I’m getting ready to tell you is that
it’s not actually a problem at all.
People thinking this is a problem is not a new problem.
Better.
It seems like every twenty years or so someone will wonder what the key is to telling a Superman
story that will capture the imagination of the public the same way as, say, Batman or
Spider-Man or those elevated B-listers in the Avengers.
It’s a recurring problem that each new generation must deal with, like racism, or tax reform,
or how to get fast food restaurants to stop trying to kill us with sugar and meat.
The Forbes article, and the earlier piece in Variety to which it often refers, states
the question the same way I’ve seen it phrased since I was a teenager: how can we make Superman
relevant to modern audiences?
One obvious answer is to read modern Superman comic books, talk to writers and artists who
have made Superman stories in the last few years, and see how they handled it.
The last twenty years have seen the publication of some of the best Superman stories ever
written: Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely’s All-Star Superman, Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale’s
Superman For All Seasons, Joe Kelly, Doug Mahnke and Lee Bermejo’s “What’s So
Funny About Truth, Justice and the American Way?”
And those are just the popular ones.
I’m sure you could find a lot more inspiration if you went back and looked through the other
Superman stories published in the modern era, which you could totally do if you were a stumped
DC Films executive, because DC Films is a subsidiary of Warner Bros., which also owns
DC Comics, you can read all the Superman comics you want!
Another suggestion might be to ask the producers of the current TV shows based on DC Comics
what their secret is, because they seem to be doing just fine.
The shows that make up what’s called the Arrowverse that have been airing on the CW
for the last eight years or so — Arrow, The Flash, Supergirl, and Legends of Tomorrow
being the main ones, alongside Batwoman which just started this year, and Stargirl which
is set to debut next year — have been doing the exact thing the post-Man of Steel crop
of DC movies have largely failed to do: telling fun, emotionally resonant superhero stories,
stories that have something to say but that are also entertaining as hell.
And wouldn’t you know it, the Arrowverse has a Superman!
An awesome Superman, played by Tyler Hoechlin!
He’s one of my favorite Supermans ever!
And hey, he and the Arrowverse’s version of Lois Lane, played by Elizabeth Tulloch,
are getting their own show!
So maybe watch that!
Because it sure seems like not everyone is at a loss for how to tell Superman stories!
By the way, before I go any further, I just want to acknowledge that there are people
out there who also think that how to adapt Superman for modern audiences isn’t a real
problem, but for a very different reason.
These folks think DC Films shouldn’t have any trouble adapting Superman because they’ve
already done a good job with the DC Extended Universe version of Superman, the one we’ve
seen in Man of Steel, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Justice League.
And if any of those people are seeing me right now, I just want to tell you that I respect
your right to your opinion, and you’re watching the wrong channel.
Man of Steel was a pile of garbage, Batman v. Superman was an even bigger pile of garbage,
I didn’t see Justice League (as an explanation for which I refer you to my previous statements
re: the films preceding it being piles of garbage), but the consensus seemed to be that
Justice League was a slightly smaller, noticeably less noxious pile of garbage, but a pile of
garbage nonetheless.
Suffice it to say, I’m not a fan of the DCEU in general, nor of its take on Superman
in particular.
Wonder Woman was good-not-great.
I haven’t seen Aquaman.
Shazam was awesome!
But when the DCEU Superman showed up at the end my first thought was, “Oh, thank God
Shazam is there to protect the children in that cafeteria!”
Because DCEU Superman!
Is the worst!
Because he’s Zack Snyder’s Superman!
And Zack Snyder!
Is the worst!
Person!
You could ever hire!
To make movies about Superman!
No wonder these clueless assholes have no idea what to do with this character!
The Variety article reports that Michael B. Jordan has pitched a Superman concept to the
studio, which is exciting on the face of it — Michael B. Jordan could be a terrific
Superman.
It also mentions that there have been discussions with J.J. Abrams, which could go either way
— I’m not a J.J. hater, I liked his Star Wars movie, I liked his Star Trek reboot,
I think the lens flares are kinda pretty, but once upon a time he wrote a screenplay
for a Superman movie, and it got leaked online, and I read it, and it was terrible!
So if it winds up going to J.J., I hope he’s got some new ideas.
Here’s the bottom line, as I see it: when you ask the question “how do we make Superman
relevant to modern audiences?” you’re overthinking it.
There are certain fundamental characteristics of the Superman character that have been present
in almost every iteration — I said almost, ya fuckin’ wrecking ball — characteristics
that, treated properly, make Superman timeless and universal.
Some folks on Twitter have proposed solid starting points for a “modern,” “relevant”
Superman film:
Here’s one from @vexwerewolf: “- Immigrant - Fights for people even though they sometimes
reject him - Loyal to ideas and not to nations - His most prolific enemy is a megalomaniacal
billionaire who becomes the president”
Here’s another suggestion from @1stcomiccouple, illustrated by a beautiful page from the story
“Glasses” by Jeff Loveness and Tom Grummett, published earlier this year in DC’s anthology
Mysteries of Love in Space: show us a kind, humane, socially conscious Superman who does
the right thing not only when he’s wearing the blue suit and red cape, but when he’s
Clark Kent, as well.
Others have suggested playing up Superman as a champion of the people, citing some of
the earliest stories published in the comics, which depicted Superman taking on slum lords
and other villains who exploit workers and the poor, or the famous storyline from the
Superman radio show which saw Supes take on the Ku Klux Klan — which was also the inspiration
for a comic book story published this year, “Superman Smashes the Klan” by Gene Luen
Yang and Gurihiru — Superman fighting white supremacists, sure seems relevant to modern
audiences given, ya know, everything.
I think those are all great ideas.
I have a few suggestions of my own: make Lois a strong character in her own right, not just
a foil/love interest for Supes; don’t treat the supporting cast, especially Perry White
and Jimmy Olsen, as afterthoughts; don’t shoot a single frame of film depicting Krypton,
because Krypton is backstory and it was only in Richard Donner’s movie as an excuse to
put Marlon Brando in the movie, and it’s boring and pointless and only there to explain
why Superman has superpowers, Krypton blew up, it’s gone, tell me about Metropolis
instead and don’t make a two-and-a-half hour movie that starts with 30 minutes on
Krypton I don’t care about Krypton!!!
But regardless of what your angle on Superman is, what matters the most for him is the same
thing that matters the most when it comes to any other character: what’s the story?
Stop trying to “make Superman relevant” or “make Superman cool” — overcompensation
driven by embarrassment of the source material is one of the things that resulted in the
DCEU getting off to such a grim, depressing start.
“We’re gonna do Superman, but he’s gonna be gritty and conflicted,” which I guess
means he’s ambivalent about using his powers to help people, and he has to break a villain’s
neck with his bare hands before he realizes killing is bad — you know, a superhero!
Stop overthinking it, stop pretending that he’s not a comic book character, and stop
acting like this is some kind of impossible-to-solve puzzle.
Hell, Marvel figured it out with the MCU version of Captain America years ago!
That’s basically Superman!
He’s honest, he’s earnest, he believes in truth and justice, he embodies the stated
ideals of America even if he’s the only person on the planet actually trying to practice
them.
He’s a well-rounded character with depth and complexity who has had to make difficult
choices and live with the consequences.
And most importantly for you avaricious pigs who run studios, his movies made all the money!
So, you want to make Superman relevant to modern audiences?
It’s easy.
Find a talented filmmaker — not the guy who loves Ayn Rand and whose best known work
outside of the DCEU is a cinematic ode to fascism — with a take on the character,
and let them tell a good Superman story.
Because if you make a movie about Superman that people think is good, and lots of people
buy tickets to see that movie, and it makes a lot of money, a magical thing will happen:
all the hapless dipshits who are now scratching their heads over what to do with Superman
will suddenly realize, as they lovingly run their eyes across the box office returns,
that Superman has been made relevant again.
To paraphrase one of the cinema’s great philosophers, ain’t it peculiar how success
seems to do that very thing?