- If I have something coming up that's bringing me
out of my comfort zone,
from that day on I will think about that,
and like harp on it,
and let it eat me alive until the day it happens.
'Cause it can, it can consume me
to the point where I'm not focusing on, like,
what's happening to me that day or in that moment.
I'm just worried about, like,
what's going to happen in the future.
So, that's really stressful.
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I know that I live a very fortunate lifestyle.
I know that I might not have some of the daily struggles
that some people might have.
I have a really great family. I have a wonderful job.
I'm stable financially. I'm very blessed and fortunate.
It doesn't mean that I don't have crippling anxiety.
A lot of my anticipatory anxiety is, like,
honing in or focusing almost too much
on one thing that might bring me out of my comfort zone,
and just like not being able to get it out of my head
until it actually happens.
I, for example, really, really don't like public speaking.
Like, it makes me really nervous and uncomfortable.
But then there's moments in my life, you know,
as a public figure that I do have
to kind of be in that position.
It's just so many eyeballs looking at you at one time.
I've messed up before, too.
And you know, people still bring it up to this day.
Like, it's just so embarrassing. You know what I mean?
You're just like, oh my God, like,
how can I have messed up that bad?
It still is never gonna be, like,
something that I'm super stoked on.
It will always make me nervous.
- Anticipatory anxiety is when you are feeling anxious
about something that hasn't happened yet
and may never happen.
So, you're anticipating that something catastrophic
or disastrous is going to happen.
- Oh my God, that's me.
That's literally me. - How does it happen
for you? - It's like all I think about.
I mean, I'm like doomsday.
Like, I like literally start to think about, like,
the worst possible thing that could happen, or like-
- The thing about anticipatory anxiety is people feel
like it protects me
to feel like I know what's going to happen.
And eventually something bad will happen,
'cause it just does in life. - Right, right.
- But really what it is, it's kind of a hyper-vigilance.
It's always being worried that
the other shoe is going to drop.
- Right.
- And it's always a negative view of the future.
It's never like anticipating something good,
if you notice that. - Right, right, right.
- And so it comes out in all kinds of contexts.
It comes out in work.
Like, if someone has a presentation at work,
they come up with all these ways that it's going
to go badly, or they're in a relationship
and their boyfriend or girlfriend comes home
and they're kind of distant.
And they immediately go to,
this person's gonna break up with me,
as opposed to, maybe that person just had a bad day at work.
- Right, right. - But, they construct
these stories in their minds about what it means.
So, they add meaning to something that isn't actually there.
- I feel like my version of anticipatory anxiety might not
be the worst.
It might not be that bad.
But, how bad can it get?
When do you know that someone might need help
or it might get to a point that it's crippling?
- Some anticipatory anxiety is healthy.
So, you're going into a new experience,
like you're taking a test or you're going into an interview,
you want to have that adrenaline going.
You want to be focused and on your game.
But where it starts to be problematic is
when it cripples you,
when it interferes with your functioning.
So, some people will say,
I can't go to a party because I'm so worried.
- [Kendall] Afraid of this or that.
- Yes, or I can't go interview for that job,
or I can't go on that date because I get too anxious.
So, it's really interfering
with your day to day functioning.
When you've experienced anticipatory anxiety,
how do you know that you're having it?
Do you feel it in your body? What happens for you?
- For example, I don't like public speaking very much.
The moment that I, you know, schedule it
and I know it's happening to the moment it actually happens,
like, I will think about it constantly
and it'll just, like, eat me alive.
Like, I won't be able to forget about it.
And the day I'm getting ready to go,
I just have like so much anxiety.
Like, it feels like my blood is, like, boiling
and I'm just like about, I'm like shaking.
Like, my mouth is dry.
- It can feel like a panic attack sometimes.
And then if someone has a panic attack,
what happens is they worry they're gonna have another.
So they end up feeling like,
I'm so worried that I'm gonna have another panic attack
that they end up having a panic attack
about the fact that they might have another panic attack.
And that's what's so insidious about anxiety.
I think another thing that happens
is people are perfectionists.
And if you feel like there's no room for error,
you're gonna feel really anxious
about it. - [Kendall] That's me.
- And if you think that everyone's gonna notice
that you made the mistake.
- Yeah, exactly. - Right?
So, no one really notices,
but you think everyone's really examining you that way.
So, a lot of people who are perfectionistic tend
to have a lot of anxiety around public appearances.
- Yeah, I'm a big perfectionist.
- Yeah. - Like, never want to mess up,
I want to do everything perfect.
- Right, and so I would say to somebody like that
in therapy, so what's the worst that can happen
if you're up there and you, you know,
don't do something perfectly?
- I guess like if you mess up enough that people notice,
they just make fun of you.
That's the worst that can happen.
- See, I think it shows that you're human.
- We have some audience questions
'cause I really wanted to bring the audience into this.
- Sure.
- How do you prevent letting your mind wander
into anticipation anxiety?
- Staying present.
So, if you notice that you're in the future
or you're in the past, to really ground yourself.
And there are a lot of grounding exercises
that people can do to stay present.
And one of them is called the five, four, three, two, one.
Which is you notice, like,
five things that you can see right now,
four things that you can hear right now,
three things that you can feel right now,
two things that you can, you know, smell right now,
one thing that you can- - Taste.
- Taste, there you go.
You go through the senses, exactly, exactly.
And it really brings you into the present
because you have to really notice.
- Yeah. All right, next question.
Does anxiety cause memory loss issues?
I've never heard that question before.
- Well, that's actually a great question
because when we're anxious, we secrete stress hormones.
And when you have chronic over-secretion of stress hormones,
it can affect your memory and it can affect your brain.
Not to make you more anxious.
- I had no idea.
And honestly, I think that makes so much sense.
My memory is terrible and my stress levels are so high.
That is so interesting. I had no idea.
Wow.
I've been asking all the professionals
that I've been speaking with just some advice or tips that,
you know, viewers can apply to their lives
and take home with them.
- There are so many ways that people can manage
their anxiety.
And some things that they can do on their own have
to do partly with some grounding exercises.
So one of them we talked about earlier, the five, four,
three, two, one.
Another one is you can go to the freezer,
grab some ice, and put ice in your hands.
- Okay.
- And what that does is, when you're spinning,
it redirects all of that energy.
- Senses and stuff. - Right, your senses
to the cold on your hands.
And you rub the ice between your hands,
and it takes you right out of where you were
because now your whole body is focused
on there's something very, very cold in my hands.
- I love that. Well, thank you so much.
- [Lori] My pleasure. - This has been awesome.
I appreciate your advice. I appreciate all the information.
I think this is really helpful.
And I learned stuff today, so that's awesome.
I appreciate you.
- And thank you so much for talking about this
because I think I think that a lot of people can relate
to all of the experiences that you have in their own lives.
- Yeah. Well, thank you.
There's been so many situations where I've had to kind of,
like, face fears or face situations like that.
And like honestly, like, own all that anxiety.
Like, you just have to do it to not only grow as a person
but, like, become a better person and, you know,
show that you care about a situation.
After this whole series,
I've really come to the conclusion that I want
to be more present, that I just want
to like actually really, really try
to be as present as I possibly can.
It's an awesome feeling when you hear a professional talking
about something that's so similar to your situation.
It's a great way to not feel alone in it all.
So, I think that's the main thing I'd love
for people to take away from it.
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