Hey guys! So I know right off the bat
Is it off the bat or off the back? What does that even mean...whose back?
And what "bat" are we talking about?
Like Batman?
Batman's back.
So I know right off Batman's back that a lot of you guys will be like, "This is such an immature topic; how to hide your farts?"
Well let's just be real for a second.
This is a real issue that we've all had to deal with before.
And if you've never had to deal with hiding your farts before,
you either never leave the house or you've never had a bad meal in your life.
OR you just have really strong butthole muscles.
Heh, butthole muscles...
BUTT HOLE muscles
Butt-a buhdoh mussohs
buhdoh mussohs
And I'm not gonna act like I'm the most mature person in the world.
'Cause clearly, I'm not...
If I were mature, I probably wouldn't have repeated the phrase Buhdoh Mussohs" like 20 times off-camera just 'cause it sounded funny...
Heh, it's like a new word
It's not even "butthole muscles", it's just...
Nobody else will get that, but you guys'll know what I'm talking about.
I actually think it's even more immature that people judge other people
as being immature
just for doing something that's COMPLETELY natural!
That's like being judged for sneezing!
You can't control if a sneeze comes or goes, it just happens!
And that should be the same for farts
Farts are basically butt sneezes!
And they shouldn't be looked down on, they should be blessed!
Bless you!
Thanks
Ugh, that's gross!
Unfortunately, this is just not the world we live in today
We live in a place where farts are considered rude, inappropriate, immature
Well, I've compiled tips and techniques for all of you to help survive this cruel,
fart-hating world
And I WILL keep fighting for the freedom of farts
but until that day comes, here's how to hide your farts
Dedicated to all you people out there with weak
Heh, it's...it's a good word!
Okay, yeah, I'm a little immature, fine.
So in order to hide a fart,
you must first understand the science of a fart.
When you make a fart sound with your mouth,
it's created because your lips are pressed together
and air is trying to escape your mouth
It goes the same for your butt.
But if you were to open your lips and do the same thing,
there's almost no sound at all!
Same thing applies to your butt
That's why this first one is called "The Cheek Spreader"
This technique is perfect for when you're in class,
or any place that you're sitting down
All you have to do while you're sitting down is put all your weight on one buttcheek,
slide to the other side to create that opening,
and before you know it,
Silent Farts !
Now one of the most terrible times to be gassy is when you're on a date
Not that I go on a lot of dates
it's actually been a really long time
probably because I make videos about farts
Anyway! 'The Gentleman' is the perfect technique for when you're on a date
All you have to do is open the door, let her in,
close the door, and as you're walking to your side of the car,
*Farting Noises*
Yeah, so as I was saying about my mom...
We all know what a lip sync is
It's when somebody syncs up their lips to a song
to pretend like they're singing
but in this scenario, instead of lips, you have cheeks
If you're in a scenario where you have to relieve some gas,
just listen for something around that you can cheek-sync to
Now sometimes, there may not be that many sounds,
but you just have to listen carefully
For example, if you're in an elevator,
sync up you farts to the beep!
*elevator beep*
*beep*
*beep and fart*
The 'Raising The Volume'
So I don't know if you guys remember,
but I had a technique like this a long time ago
in a previous video
And basically, this strategy is that if there's no
other sounds around you to cheek-sync to,
take matters into your own hands
and just make something louder than your fart!
*Coughs and farts*
*Raises volume and farts*
The other night, I went on the worst date ever
Hey, did I ever tell you guys that I have a really good
impression of a race car?
*Imitates racecar and farts*
I mean, that was an OK race car...
The 'Vacuum'
The name says it all: just suck it up
See you later man
See ya
Hey what's up man,
I forgot my...
Are you alright?
The 'Delay'
This one's common sense
when the herd's ready to move, you just delay a little bit
You guys wanna get going?
Yeah we should probably get going...pretty soon so...
The 'Fan'
The 'Bigger Fan'
The 'Biggest Fan'
Oh my God, I'm your biggest fan, here, can I take this?
The 'Around The Corner'
That date was really bad,
we, you know, the movie wasn't that good, -Mhm, yeah...
his car broke down afterwards and
I was late
passed curfew and- That's crazy...
The 'Happy Birthday Man I Got You Beats By Dre'
Happy birthday man,
I got you a present, here try it on right now!
The 'Flower'
Hey, smell this bro!
The 'Shoe Tie'
Hey man, your shoes are untied
The 'Flying Nimbus'
Flying nimbus!
Away!
The 'Air Bender'
The 'Dutch Oven'
The 'Elsa'
Do you want to build a- Okay, bye...
And last but not least,
the oldest trick in the book: The 'Blame'
This is for when all the previous methods
mentioned above fails.
All you have to do is blame it on someone else.
*farts*
Did you just fart?
You know, I thought I heard that too, it
Who was that? Who did that?
There's no one else around but us...
You know, probably just came from the TV or something...
I mean, I thought when we sat down
I felt the couch move when I sat down,
like the leg of the chair and the floor must have created like a vibration that made a weird sound or something-
This couch is bolted to the floor.
That's weird...that your family would bolt...
Then you know what, I mean,
are you sure it wasn't you then?
I know it wasn't me.
Then we know it must have been your damn dog
always farting and-
Damn that was you! Don't blame that s**t on me!
Always blame the dog, I KNOW it was you...
I can smell it
I got a got a good...
*farts*
Sorry...
And when all else fails,
and every single one of those tips and techniques doesn't work,
the best tip I can give to you is to just own up to it
If you're gonna get caught,
you might as well make it look like you did it on purpose.
And like I said in the beginning,
there really isn't anything wrong with farting in the first place!
There's no reason to be embarrassed
it's natural!
All those people that judge you for them,
THEY'RE the immature ones
Be proud of your farts
Let them shout from the highest mountain,
let them soar through the vents of the AC,
let them be free!
And join me in the freedom of farts movement.
Because together, we can free farts forever
one little step at a time, one little...
What? It wasn't me.
It was that guy over there
Look! Look over there, he's clearly the one that was-what-why-why-why's the camera still on me?
That wasn't- okay yeah, that was me.
So thank you guys again so much for watching
If you wanna see bloopers and behind the scenes, click the one on the left
If you wanna see the previous video,click the one on the right
And because I know you guys are already gonna ask
If you guys wanna download the full version of The Fartstep song
All you have to do is
Make it yourself
Upload it to iTunes
And then download it beacause that's all we're gonna make so you guys have to make it yourself.
Easy, simple, just like that