WELCOME
WELCOME BACK. THESE ARE TIPS TO HAVE A BETTER
CONVERSATION.
CONVERSATION. WE ASKED ON THE FACEBOOK PAGE
TWO TAG THE BEST
CONVERSATIONALIST YOU KNOW.
>> SHE SAID THIS PERSON ALWAYS
SEEMS INTERESTED IN THE
CONVERSATION AND GIVES
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. >> ALSO, PAMELA.
AND I TALK WITH MYSELF?
I LOVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE.
NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT
NOT TO DO.
>> PLEASE TELL ME YOU SPEAK
ENGLISH.
ENGLISH.
ENGLISH. I'M DETECTIVE CARTER.
DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS
COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?
>> THAT IS A NO-NO.
>> DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE THAT
SOMETIMES?
SOMETIMES? >> I LOVE THE VIEWER THAT SAID
CAN I TAG MYSELF.
THAT'S SWEET.
THAT'S SWEET. SHE RECOGNIZES THAT IT IS A
GIFT.
GIFT.
GIFT. >>
GIFT. >> MY FRIEND BOBBY WROTE THAT
HER LISTENING SKILLS ARE HER
SUPERPOWER.
SUPERPOWER. SHE SAID I GET PEOPLE TO OPEN
UP TO ME BECAUSE I GIVE OFF AN
OPEN BIBLE.
OPEN BIBLE. I SAID THAT'S NICE.
>> A SHOUT OUT TO JIM 'S FRIEND.
LISA.
LISA.
LISA. SHE
LISA. SHE IS THE BEST LISTENER.
THERE IS AN ART TO THIS.
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE -- DO YOU
EVER FEEL LIKE PEOPLE THAT ARE
GOOD LISTENERS CAN BE GUARDED
AND DON'T WANT TO SHARE STUFF
ABOUT THEMSELVES?
ABOUT THEMSELVES? CONVERSATION IS GIVE-AND-TAKE.
>> YES, IT SHOULD BE AN OPEN
EXCHANGE OF THOUGHTS, OPINIONS
AND IDEAS.
AND IDEAS. WHEN I WAS READING THE TIPS, I
THOUGHT IF BOTH PEOPLE ADHERE
TO THIS NO ONE WILL SAY
ANYTHING.
ANYTHING.
ANYTHING. >> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. >> LET'S DIVE RIGHT IN.
>> FIRST, LISTEN AND BE
BRIEFED.
BRIEFED.
BRIEFED. THE CORE FOUNDATION IS ACTIVE
LISTENING.
LISTENING. IT'S THE HARDEST YET MOST
IMPORTANT THING TO DO.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. PAYING ATTENTION AND LISTENING
CLOSELY TO WHAT SOMEONE IS THE
SAME.
SAME.
SAME. IT'S HARD NOT TO BE DISTRACTED.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> BEING MORE CONCERNED ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY.
>> FOR YOU THIS MIGHT BE AN
OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD.
OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD. I BET IT'S HARD TO NOT LIKE YOU
HAVE TO INTERJECT SOMETIMES.
IN YOUR JOB YOU HAVE TO DO THAT
A LOT.
A LOT.
A LOT. WHEN YOU TRY TO HELP SOMEONE
CONNECT THEIR THOUGHTS.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. SOMETIMES I WILL JUMP IN WHEN I
DON'T MEAN TO.
>> SOMETIMES I DO THAT.
I KNOW THE LOOK -- THEY
COMPLETELY FORGOT THEIR TRAIN
OF THOUGHT.
OF THOUGHT. YOU JUST WANT TO JUMP IN AND
HELP BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY NEED
HELP.
HELP.
HELP. >>
HELP. >> YES, THIS ARTICLE IS A
LITTLE HARSH ON THIS.
>> LET'S SKIP TO THE SECOND
ONE.
ONE.
ONE. SECOND, NO MULTITASKING.
DON'T HAVE YOUR PHONE OUT.
DON'T BE DISTRACTED.
USE BODY LANGUAGE BECAUSE THIS
SPEAK, THIS SPEAKS VOLUMES.
THEY SAID THE MOST COMMON
CULTURALLY UNIVERSAL SYMBOL IS
TO HAVE A RAISED EYEBROW.
>> I CAN DO THAT.
>> MY FRIEND CASEY CAN DO THAT.
>> I JUST HAD BOTOX SO I WILL
BE ABLE TO DO THIS.
>> I JUST GOT A TINY BIT.
BOTOX IS ANOTHER DISCUSSION BUT
HAVING EXPRESSION IS PART OF
WHAT HELPS PEOPLE KNOW THAT
THEY ARE BEING SUPPORTED AND
ENCOURAGED.
ENCOURAGED. LIKE A, KEEP GOING.
>> I USED TO HAVE A BASE THAT I
REALLY WORKED ON.
I WOULD DO THIS.
I WOULD HAVE MY MOUTH OPEN AND
THAT IS UNATTRACTIVE.
>> MY MOTHER WOULD SAY CLOSE
YOUR MOUTH.
YOUR MOUTH. >> SOMETIMES TRENT STEPS A
PHOTO OF YOU.
IT USUALLY DIRECTED AT ME.
>> NEXT, THE ONE I LOVE, OPEN-
ENDED QUESTIONS.
ENDED QUESTIONS. PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS BUT
INSTEAD OF ASKING A YES OR NO
QUESTION, ASK WHY DID YOU FEEL
THAT WAY?
THAT WAY?
THAT WAY? HOW DID IT GO?
GIVE THEM A MOMENT TO STOP AND
THINK AND THEY WILL RELAY A
BETTER CONVERSATION FOR A GIVE-
AND-TAKE.
AND-TAKE.
AND-TAKE. >> I LOVE THAT.
>> NEXT, WE TOUCHED ON THIS
BEFORE.
BEFORE.
BEFORE. GO WITH THE FLOW OF THE
CONVERSATION.
CONVERSATION. DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT
ABRUPTLY.
ABRUPTLY.
ABRUPTLY. IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO
CONVERSATION GOING IN THE WAY
THAT IT'S GOING.
IF YOU HAVE A THOUGHT THAT IS
OFF TOPIC BEST TO FORGET.
>> JUST FORGET IT?
>> I LIKE TO HEAR WHAT PEOPLE
ARE THINKING EVEN IF I DON'T
AGREE.
AGREE.
AGREE. IF
AGREE. IF WE ALL DISAGREE, IF WE ALL
AGREE THAT WOULD BE BORING.
>> YES, IF EVERYONE HAD THE
SAME THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
COMBATIVE BUT IT'S NICE TO
BRING A DIFFERENT SIDE.
>> NUMBER 5 -- I DO THIS ALL
THE TIME.
THE TIME.
THE TIME. IF YOU OF A CERTAIN AGE THIS
TENDS TO HAPPEN.
>> TRY NOT TO REPEAT YOURSELF.
IT IS CONDESCENDING AND BORING.
DON'T DO IT.
ESPECIALLY AT WORK OR HAVING
CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR
CHILDREN.
CHILDREN.
CHILDREN. >> YOU HAVE TO SAY THINGS MORE
THAN ONCE TO YOUR CHILDREN.
>> YES, I DISAGREE WITH THIS.
IN EVERYDAY LIFE I FORGET THAT
I HAVE SAID THINGS.
IT IS A SIGN OF AGING.
I CAN WORK ON THIS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH BETTER I
WILL GET.
WILL GET.
WILL GET. >> AND ALSO IF YOUR FRIEND
TELLS YOU SOMETHING REPEATEDLY,
JUST SAY YOU ALREADY TOLD ME
THAT.
THAT.
THAT. THAT'S OKAY.
THAT'S OKAY. >> I DO THAT WITH MY MOM.
I TELL HER I KNOW AND YOU TOLD
ME YESTERDAY.
ME YESTERDAY. QUICK SIDEBAR -- SHE GOT HER
RING STUCK ON HER FINGER
BECAUSE OF HER ARTHRITIS.
SHE TRIED EVERYTHING.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILED SHE WENT
TO THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
>> WHAT DID THEY DO?
>> THEY ARE WONDERFUL.
MY MOM WANDERED IN AND SAID I'M
HAVING A CRISIS.
SHE TOLD ME THIS STORY THREE
TIMES.
TIMES.
TIMES. >>
TIMES. >> THAT WAS A BIG EVENT FOR HER.
IT IS TERRIFYING TO GET
SOMETHING STUCK ON YOUR FINGER.
>> IT WAS CUTE.
SHE TOLD ME.
IT WAS A CUTE STORY AND I WAS
WILLING TO HEAR IT AGAIN.
IT'S NOT CONDESCENDING.
IT'S A PART OF THE AGING
PROCESS.
PROCESS.
PROCESS. YOU WILL INEVITABLY INTERRUPT
AND YOU MIGHT REPEAT YOURSELF.
>> OR MAYBE YOU'VE HAD A FEW
DRINKS AND YOU TELL YOUR
FRIENDS AND YOU FORGET THE NEXT
DAY.
DAY.
DAY. IT'S
DAY. IT'S OKAY IF YOU DO.
>> NEXT, PEOPLE HAVE A HARD
TIME WITH THIS.
YOU HAVE A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE,
NOT TO TELL THEM -- WHEN I LOST
MY FAMILY MEMBER, OR MY WORK IS
HARD -- WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO
RELATE TO SOMEBODY, DON'T DO
THIS BECAUSE IT'S NOT A
PROMOTIONAL OPPORTUNITY FOR
YOURSELF.
YOURSELF.
YOURSELF. SPEAKING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU
HAVE SUFFERED.
HAVE SUFFERED. YOUR JOB IS TO LISTEN.
>> I AGREE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO ONE OF THEM.
SOMETIMES YOU ARE TRYING TO
RELATE.
RELATE.
RELATE. >> I KNOW, WHEN MY MOM -- I
GUESS IT COULD LOOK LIKE THAT.
>> IT DOESN'T ANNOY ME WHEN
PEOPLE DO THAT.
>> IN FACT, WHEN MY FATHER
PASSED AWAY IT GAVE ME COMFORT
WHEN OTHER PEOPLE WOULD SAY --
WHATEVER ADVICE THEY HAD TO
TAKE IT ALL IN.
>> WHAT DO YOU DO?
>> I'M SURE IT'S LIKE ANYTHING
-- KEEP IT IN MODERATION.
NOW THAT YOU'VE SAID THIS -- WE
TALKED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT
ON REAL TIME.
I WILL TRY TO CATCH MYSELF.
YOU DON'T WANT TO HIJACK THE
STORY BUT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I AM
JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
>> WE COULD BE WRONG.
>> AND DON'T PONTIFICATE.
TRUE LISTENING REQUIRES YOU TO
SET ASIDE YOUR PERSONAL
OPINIONS AND YOU ALSO NEED TO
BE NOT SO AGGRESSIVE BECAUSE
THE PERSON WILL BECOME
DEFENSIVE AND THE CONVERSATION
WILL HALT.
WILL HALT. >> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> JUST BE OPEN.
THE OPEN.
THE OPEN.
THE OPEN. AT THE END OF THE DAY IT IS
ABOUT LISTENING WITH KINDNESS
AND ENTHUSIASM AND SHOWING THAT
YOU CARE.
YOU CARE.
YOU CARE. >> YES, SOMETIMES IT IS HARD.