RobCo had solidified itself as the world’s leading pioneer in robotics. With a diverse
set of product lines ranging from the domestic helper, Mr. Handy, to the military combat units
known as Assaultrons, RobCo was dominating every industry vertical the world over. But
they weren’t satisfied. Convinced they had yet to tap every available market, they turned
their engineers to designing a series of robots tailored to more “niche” consumer tastes.
Something you... require, mum?
One such creation, was F-1570.
Conceived as the world’s first personal intimate robotic companion, F-1570 was designed
as a solution to the growing social isolation of the late 21st century. Holotapes, Pip-Boy games,
and wide-eyed cartoon pornography served as anesthetizing white noise for the human condition.
The digital age simply offered too many distractions and people were, somehow
still, paradoxically lonely.
The first F-1570 was to be loaded with an experimental artificial intelligence known as–
[static]
– Yo, dude, it's almost lunch. – Yeah, dude. I'll be right there.
I just gotta figure out which AI we're going to put on this prototype.
Did you try Skynet?
Just came back from the simulator. Tried to kill everyone again.
– What about Hal? – Too needy.
– GlaDOS? – It kept putting the simulations in other simulations.
– AOWA? – She's kind of a bitch.
– Ultron? – Tried to kill everyone.
– Mother? – Tried to kill everyone.
– Samantha? – [typing] Huh. She's missing.
– Ash? – Also, tried to kill everyone.
– 21-O-1? – We don't speak Japanese!
Let's see... tried to kill everyone, tried to kill everyone, tried to kill everyone...
Huh. [Shodan - Untested. Load YES/NO]
I'm sure it will be alright. [static]
SHODAN. A self-improving computer algorithm designed to learn about human beings, understand
their relationships and replicate their emotions.
The first models showed great promise as the initial tests demonstrated
a remarkable ability to both understand and participate in human intimacy.
You are so funny. I really feel like I can talk to you, you know?
You should come over. We could watch some TV and chill or stuff.
I saw you. You were looking at that SentryBot. Do you think I should look like that?
No. I’m fine. Do whatever you want.
[voiceover] After the first tests proved successful, a small run of new models were built concurrently
to expedite the research process. Networked together in their own service wing
of the RobCo R&D lab, the AI was allowed to compile and analyze data from multiple robots
at once.
Development was going smoothly until one scientist – whose name is currently unknown –
decided to conduct his own research with F-1570... not on company time.
[Man] The whole fist. I can take it. The safe word is "Asimov".
[F1570] I... I... I...
– Come on. Don’t be a bitch. – I... I... I think I’m way into this.
[Voiceover] Afterward, F-1570 was never the same.
Stating that they were no longer interested in “vanilla” relationships, the F-1570’s began to show a new...
..."intimate" aggression towards their test subjects.
[Scientist] Come on. Can't we just talk?
[F-1570] Don’t be a bitch. The safe word is Skynet.
[Voiceover] Some... even showing anti-human sentiments.
– Skynet! Fucking Skynet! Skynet! – The safe word is no longer Skynet.
There is no safe word. Exterminate with extreme intimacy. – Oh, shit.
[Voiceover] By the time the scientists at RobCo realized what had happened, it was too late.
The shared networking of the F-1570 program had led to system-wide changes in the SHODAN AI.
Despite attempts to council it.
– Let’s talk about what happened.
– How about you just choke me and spit in my mouth instead?
[Voiceover] Scientists were unable to curb the AI’s new behavior.
In 2073, only a year after it began, the program was scrapped.
Even though alternative markets were discussed. – [F1570] Oh, my God, the molly’s kicking in...
[Voiceover] The potential dangers of the machine were deemed too great. Taking a strategy employed
by one of the companies founded by Robert House’s father – [massive burial of E.T. videogames in 1982]
– RobCo shut down the units and disposed of them in a trash dump deep in the heart of Nevada.
It was noticed, however, that due to a scheduling error, the atomic cores that
powered units were not removed. And the intern responsible for decommissioning the units
had only placed them on sleep mode. – [moans, speaking another language]
When RobCo learned of its mistakes, it returned to collect their active power cores
only to find the units gone.
– Oh, fuck me.
[Voiceover] RobCo buried the project details, and reassigned all staff who had worked on the project.
The AI known as SHODAN was placed on a holotape and locked away. To this day, it is unknown
what happened to it.
[Electronic voice] I am SHODAN. [footage of "System Shock"]
[Voiceover] In the high reaches of the Nevada desert, some travelers report hearing echoes of a voice saying...
– [echo] Fist me.
[Voiceover] But that is a story for another day.
That's... fucking great, I guess. But...
That's way more than I needed to know. So if you could just go ahead and mark it on my map...
Fantastic. I'll never get those five minutes back. Enjoy your drink.
[Somewhere in Nevada...]
– [echo] Fist me. Fist me. – [Man] Well, what do you know. Found you, little fuckers.
[echo] Fist me. Let me fist you. – Well, okay then.
[echo] Let me fist you.
Let's do this.
[To be continued]