What the hell?
I’ve had like ten of these
gummies and I don’t feel anything.
Girl, patience is a virtue.
You are dumb as a rock when you’re stoned.
You’re a rock!
Oh my God.
Oh shit!
What the fuck is happening?
We’re both stoned now.
Julissa, what the hell
was in those edibles?
Clearly not gratitude, damn.
I asked God to bring me a rock
in my life.
I meant a man, but...
I guess you gotta be specific about your prayers.
Julissa, what the hell are you doing?
I’m Milly rockin’.
Julissa!
Julissa - is that literally The Rock
as a rock?
He is even harder in person.
Get it?
Julissa! Look! Tourists!
Hey! Help!
Help!!
Hello??
HELP!!
Uh, hellooo
They can’t understand you.
Why not?
‘Cause you’re a fucking rock, boba.
Ha ha ha!!
Oh shit --
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
Here they come.
Yaaaaaaaaas.
Okay!
Jess, coño, don’t be rude.
Smile for the beautiful people!
They love us!
They really love us!
There’s that gratitude!
Girl you stoned as fuck.
Happy 420 y'all! Welcome back to Go Off! I'm your girl Julissa Calderon!
I’m your girl Jessica Marie Garcia. And today is a good day. If you're stoned right now
that's okay, because we won't be too far behind you
[Laughter] Now today's show is a little different
than any other episode. We are dedicating this entire show to the
longest relationship in our lives: Mary Jane. Oh I love Mary Jane.
And I’m not gonna lie, I've always been a little nervous to talk about it publicly
but it's that silence that allows stigmas to carry on. And Jess - I just want
to tell you thank you my love for being like “you
successful, you do your thing, you can still enjoy your joints and your edibles
you're doing everything you can and you're smoking what's the problem? And I
was like, you know what? You're right Jess. You are
absolutely right. It is okay to sit back and chill and
smoke when your priorities are handled. You a bad bitch, I’m a bad bitch
And bad bitches smoke. Weed is medicine baby. It was given
to you by God. Embrace it. Yes - it is of the earth.
Jess, are you ready? I'm ready. Let's do it
How cool! Oh I'm tripping right now.
If you're looking for the perfect thing to
binge while smoking, you need not to look any further than
Midnight Gospel.
Are you a metaphor?
Do you remember the first time you smoked?
Oh I absolutely remember the
first time I smoke. I think i was 17 and I was like with my best friend
and her older sister. She was like - okay just know that you probably won't
get high your first time and Iwas like “okay like I don't care like let's just
go so I did it and I didn't feel anything
and then we went to Point Orlando. It's like an outdoor
area where you can like do a lot of stuff
i decided that it was a good time to lay down
on the ground like like a starfish and people were like walking around me
So I will have to say Idid get high my first time. That's where my love affair
began. And she's been good to you ever since. She's been good to me
ever since. What about you?
I was an high school
a teenager, and we made this aluminum pipe in the house. We went to the playground
we stuffed it with weed.
Was it Florida? Girl you already know - the
305. I’m a 305 girl. Okay so it was dirt.
i didn't know weed was supposed to be green until I moved to LA
I was like -- it's not supposed to have pine cones and
and seeds? And my friend just kept telling me “I’mma just keep packing it for
you until you feel something.” Girl I got
so high. I had to make up this whole lie just so my mom could pick me up at least
a few hours later than the time she was supposed to cause I was
out of it. How about you? Did your mom try to scare you away from weed?
I don't think she tried to scare me away. I think she was just really big on me
communicating with her If I was going to do anything like that
I was going to talk to her. I was really big on pretty much not being in high
school when I did it, because all my friends were doing it and I was like “no
I'm different and I'm not going to do it. So I didn't, and then when I tried
it I was like: “I love this!”
I was the same, I was like “I
don't do weed.” Because of the stereotypes! Because
of the movies that we're seeing. You never see like a powerful CEO of
some company who's like smoking a -- but they all do
or they're doing much worse much worse!
i think there's stigmas - specifically on women who smoke. Usually when you hear of the
word stoner, you don't hear it attached to a woman.
I just feel like that word is such a dated, dated word. It is attached to
laziness, and it's attached to like, you know, being
a burnout and not getting anything done and I just think that's just such
bullshit. I love nothing more than a stoner comedy, so to see some
kind of representation, especially on the female side,just makes
me giddy. --Oh my God, I'm going to tell you a really fast story
For one of my auditions - for Gentefied - I got high.
I've never done that before, but the scene required her to be high, and I was
like “well I'm gonna smoke a little bit.”
I’ve never done that - and guess what? I booked it!
Oh my God!
If we could do - like a stoner comedy together, that
would be the dopest shit ever. If we had our own
Pineapple Express. -- Are you kidding me??
I really feel like we gotta break the stigma. I think we're doing it little by little.
though for sure.
So, have you ever got high with your mom?
Well, I’ve at least tried to give it to her a little bit - especially when she was
going through chemo and everything. Did not like it - was not a fan. She felt
like her legs were liquidating. She was like “nope, not for me, no thank you.”
What about you? -- I don't know if my mom's going to kill
me but i'm going to tell her ahead of time that I talked about this...
So one day, I went home and my mom's like “Hey Julissa, there's a
pouch that's there. Here, you want you want it? As soon as she hands me the
pouch, I already know what the pouch is. I'm like - there's weed in there, there's a
bow. I know what's going on there - Oh my God
What's gonna happen, right? Is she gonna tell me something? But i was already an adult
I opened the pouch up, there's - the bowl
is already packed, so I lit it without thinking I'm in
front of my mom, and she looks at me and lik- she thinks
about it and all of a sudden she's like intrigued. And so I look at her and I'm
like: “You want some?” She looks at the door,
walks to the door, locks it, comes back and goes “yeah how do
I do it?”
“It's a bonding moment, right? It's like - I'm an adult
and you're like my mom but we're like equals in this moment right? Like you
treat - like it was so cool.
Was there ever a time where you got too high though?
The only thing that I can remember is that one time I
took an edible that was way too much and I smoked a blunt
thinking “I'm that girl.” I wasn't that girl
Mary Jane gave it to me. But tell me because I already know you got one for me.
I am someone who does a hundred
milligram edible without a problem. That's not
That's nothing for me. So um, so I thought on my birthday it was
my birthday that I could maybe do 200.
--No... -- But all I did was - okay like I
can handle my shit. So even though I was on 200 it was just
“Hi, thank you for coming
Thank you, yes, hi.:
Smoking with Snoop Dogg is like on my bucket list - like on the top of my bucket
list, because I feel like I could be on the
same level of how much we can smoke -- Really? I hear people tap out when they
smoke with Snoop. I don't think I would.
Oh, I want to do it
I want to make it happen just so i can see the challenge!
What's your favorite
activity to do when you're high? -- Ooh, I love watching movies or going
to theme parks or writing. I love going to new restaurants
with like my friends - um, on a really good high, because then
food tastes better. -- Yes it does.
Any activity I enjoy doing, I
enjoy better on weed. -- Everything?
Yeah what what
is there that's not better on weed? I'll wait.
Every time I go to a
dispensary, I feel like there are 10 new outrageously named strains.
Well apparently, there are a few more coming on the market that are supposed
to be the most poten. Let's have a look shall we?
Howdy y’all!
And welcome back to the Herb Shopping Network!
Herb Shopping Network!
In case you're too blitzed to remember,
I’m Hazel!
And I’m Basil!
and we're live with a 4/20 super sale
4/20 Super Sale
where we’re looking at some
incredibly potent strains you never knew you needed!
never knew you needed!
And probably still don’t!
Remember folks, you can order anything you see today
anything you see today
right from the comfort of your couch or toilet!
couch or toilet!
As long as you don’t live in one of these states.
these states.
America! Where it’s easier to purchase a firearm than a plant!
purchase a firearm than a plant!
That’s right!
And we are so excited to present our next product:
present our next product:
Rosemary's Blunts are filled with
an indica-dominant hybrid that puts you
back in your mother's womb
when she would sneak a
cigarette and just “one” glass of wine!
You'll be transported right back
to 1968 - great weed,
great movies, and
horrifying prenatal practices!
Speaking of adults behaving
like children...
Has your mother suddenly
started eating edibles
after preaching to you for years that marijuana is an Amazon delivery from the devil himself?
I know mine does!
Well the next time she calls
asks you to send her more
but forgets the name of the strain
just send her “The Strong One.”
Not only will this vague edible
reduce her number of daily calls
in some cases, it may even keep her from re-sharing
conspiracy theories on Facebook.
Well hot damn! Are we at Uncle Sam's Secret already?
We sure are!
Not only does it get you high, it also erases your guilt about giving your money
to legal cannabis corporations like ours
while forty-thousand Americans
are still incarcerated for marijuana-related offenses!
It’s so woke, you’ll never believe it’s an indica!
I have personally enjoyed
the benefits of this next flower: Men in Black 4.
Men in Black 4 completely erases the memory of your last four exes!
One hit of Men in Black, and
POOF!
Hasta la vista Brian!
When did you date Brian, Hazel?
When did you?
The Dirty Thirty Lightning Round!
Three strains in thirty seconds!
If you order before the time's up,
we'll charge you exactly the same amount
and still make you pay for a lighter!
That’s a steal!
Yes it is!
Ready!
Set!
TOKE!
Not only will STRAIN-ger Things
give you a nosebleed
and leave you in the upside-down,
It'll probably get us sued by Netflix
for copyright infringement!
Pack the beans, the rice, and an eighth of Primary Colors
Which will give you an ability to explain colorism to your abuelos!
Are you emotionally unstable or riddled with anxiety over when you'll finally be eligible for the vaccine!
Then you'll love the hybrid Night Eagle. One minute your soaring, and then --
BOOM!
You’re snoring!
Order Now!
So when did you sleep
with Brian, exactly?
I'm definitely ordering my mom “The Strong One!” Just kidding mommy I love you!
Alright, we've spent all show talking
about our life chronic-les --You see what I did there?
Let’s get into some of yours.
The first question that we put out there
was “Would you / have you ever smoked with your
parents and what did you talk about?”
I do smoke with my mom. It’s so much fun, I love her. It really brings us together.
Oh, I love tha! --I love that too!
There's something about breaking that
little wall that allows them to see you differently
and you see your parent differently. I think everyone should try that at least
one time. I don't have that relationship with my
mom. I’m 42 now and my daughters are 22 and 21, and we do.
Good for you. Yes, I love that - it's and it's just
It's different times man, where we're progressing. I love that.
No - that's white people shit.
They're not wrong.
Really? -- Oh yeah, if I were younger, my mom would
have never -- like it took a lot to get her to a place where she like would even try
smoking with me.
What is the most enlightened
conversation you've had while high or what is the craziest experience?
What if people we claim as insane actually just witnessed something that
made them question reality? Oh damn, that is a - that is a good
conversation right there. Yeahhh.
I love those questions!
I hotboxed a car after work and got so high at 5 a.m
that I had to be at church at 7 30. I felt bad.
God made weed, baby. -- Hotboxing though?
I hope you at least went home, showered
brushed your teeth, and then went to church because do you
imagine walking in there smelling like a pound??
We here, señor!
Hello. How are you? I’m here to talk about your car's
warranty. It's about to expire and so are you.
Welcome BACK! Snap back into it!
Get back into it y’all!
Thank you so much!
This was such a fun episode! Mary Jane is my best friend,
and i'm so glad she got to be our very special guest today
Thank you for helping me break the ice and popping my cherry Jess.
Anytime girlfriend. Any time!
Thank you so much for joining us, please come back
We got more fun to share with you, more Fan Love, more sketches
And remember y'all: Go Off!!!