Guy: You know what I look like, right?
Buk Lau: Half the time I was driving, you had your face in between your legs, like *blblbl*
Russell: One of my buddies is an Uber driver.
Russell: Loves the job and meets some really great people everyday.
Russell: But every once in a while, they have to pick up one of those passengers that acts like a total nightmare.
Russell: About a month ago, my buddy got yelled at, spit on, flipped off, hit with a soda and a bulls**t bad review.
Russell: For a two hour car ride with no tip.
Russell: There was nothing my friend could do.
Russell: You can't argue or fight with a customer, you end up losing your job.
Russell: Well, when I heard what happened I got so mad.
Russell: And I get a hold of the passenger from hell cellphone number.
Russell: Y'all better buckle up.
Russell: I'm about to take this dude on one hell of a ride.
[phone ringing]
Guy: Who is this?
Buk Lau: I'm the guy who driving you home yesterday in the Uber, right?
Guy: You got the wrong guy.
Buk Lau: I have your number here man, I drop you off and you throw up all over my Uber car, right?
Buk Lau: Like, there's throw up everywhere.
Guy: I never - I never rode in your car.
Buk Lau: Yeah, but you were the drunk guy last night, you had beer all over your shorts -
Buk Lau: - and you were dry heaving all over my car.
Buk Lau: I don't drink you dumb son of a bitch!
Buk Lau: But what is -
Guy: I haven't had a drink for over 38 years, so get the f**k off my phone! [phone call ends]
Buk Lau: - did you get so drunk you forgot about it, or what? Because, it was definitely you.
[phone ringing]
Guy: What the hell you want now?
Buk Lau: Look, I went to the dry cleaning and they were gonna and they gonna send a bill to your housie.
Buk Lau: So, you are not a guy, or?
Guy: Y'all damn better not because I'm not paying it, because I never went in your f**king car.
Buk Lau: [sigh] Man, like a Uber -
Guy: You bring the f**king cops out here and we'll settle this s**t!
Buk Lau: - okay, I'm gonna come there right now, how about that?
Buk Lau: I'm gonna come over there -
Guy: Alright, you bring the f**king cops out here right now!
Buk Lau: - okay, you are just a fat old guy, one bicycle kick and you'll be flat on the ground. Motherf**ker!
Guy: [laughing] I'll tell you what -
Guy: - you might be dead and laying on the f**king ground if you f**k with me pal!
Buk Lau: I kept your vomit in a bag, so we can do a DNA test, okay?
Buk Lau: I have it in a bag here.
Guy: Well you haven't got my vomit in the bag, pal.
Buk Lau: Yeah, but I have to cheek swab, okay?
Buk Lau: I'm gonna come there with a Q-Tip and just put it in your nose, okay?
Guy: You bring the god damn - you bring the cops up. You know what I look like, right?
Buk Lau: Half the time I was driving, you had your face in between your legs, like *blblbl*, right?
Guy: Oh you're so f**ked up, you don't know what the hell you're talking about, pal.
Buk Lau: What?! Are you the one -
Guy: That's exactly right!
Buk Lau: - yeah, you are the one who are f**ked up, right?
Buk Lau: I tried to driving and then all I hear in the backseat was *blblbl*
Guy: No, you're wrong!
Buk Lau: *blblbl*
Guy: Hey, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
Guy: Come on out here and you'll find out I'm not the right guy.
Buk Lau: Alright, get your check book ready please.
Guy: And you bring the cop with you, okay?
Buk Lau: Okay, just sign in date the checks so it's easy when you have to pay me, okay? Just do that.
Guy: I'm not gonna pay you a f**king penny because I wasn't the one.
Guy: He wants me to pay for puke at the back of his Uber car and I -
Buk Lau: Got you, okay. I'm gonna come there, I just need to smell your breath.
Buk Lau: I have very sensitive smell, I can tell -
Guy: Just come right on up right now. I'll be here.
Buk Lau: Okay, just don't brush, don't brush.
Guy: I won't brush my teeth. [laughing]
Buk Lau: Okay, okay, okay, perfect, okay.
Guy: Oh man, what a f**king idiot. [phone call ends]
Buk Lau: What?! What?
Rakesh: Uh, hey man, what are you doing?
Buk Lau: I'm just going to watch my favorite Netflix show.
Buk Lau: [***]
Buk Lau: What?! What the hell is this?
Buk Lau: I want to watch the Vietnamese shows, you know?
Rakesh: Oh, I guess that means we're going to have to watch my favorite Bollywood movies.
Rakesh: Paan Singh Tomar.
Rakesh: Motheryucker.
Abdo: Ya donkeys, don't you know that you can unblock shows from around the world with the VPN.
Abdo: Not only that, it helps you stay private and protected while online!
Abdo: And away from all those prying eyes on the computer.
Abdo: Here, watch this you stupid.
Russell: You've been thinking about getting a VPN for a while.
Russell: Well, now is the time to sign up for private internet access.
Russell: Let's talk numbers.
Rakesh: Hey, how many servers are part of this VPN?
Russell: Ten thousand.
Buk Lau: And how many countries?
Russell: Over seventy.
Abdo: Uh but, how many devices can I use at the same time?
Russell: Up to ten.
Russell: Private intetet access accept all form of payments, inclulding Bitcoin and gift cards.
Russell: And most importantly there won't be any logs, ever!
Rakesh: Oh!
Rakesh: Hey man, sign me up!
Buk Lau: No, me first, me first!
Abdo: Well, I know how stingy you guys are with your money.
Abdo: So, for you and the viewers I got a special promotion!
Abdo: Only $1.98 per month!
Abdo: And four extra months for free!
Rakesh: Does that mean we can watch my favorite Bollywood movies now?
Buk Lau: No! I want to watch my favorite Vietnamese or Chinese movies!
Abdo: Uh, you're going to have to wait your turn habibies!
Abdo: I just unlocked Arabic Netflix! Get ready for [speaking Arabic]
Abdo: For everyone else link is bellow, go sign up while there's still time.
Guy: "Yo!" Russell: "My name is Dr. Schwartz.. I'm calling with the [redacted] Mental Health Clinic."
Russell: I was following up because one of our patients actually got unauthorized access to one of our staff phones.
Russell: And seem to dial out to this number. I was juck checking in to see if you got any strange
phone calls possibly in the past hour, hour and a half?
Guy: Yeah. There's one guy here in town called me, tried to accuse me of throwing up in his Uber car.
Russell: Got you. He is saying that "Don puked all over my car". Uh -
Russell: This might be the same individual we're speaking to actuallly, um -
Russell: So you said somebody called you about puking in his Uber ride, is that right?
Guy: He's one of those, uh - From one of the arab countries.
Guy: From India, I think.
Russell: I believe he's Chinese actually.
Buk Lau: [screaming] I'm Half-Chinese half-Vietnamese.
Guy: Uh, this guy was from uh - India.
Tyrone: Hey, calm your ass down! Sit down, man! Sit down!
Russell: He's actually sitting here, strapped to a chair um -
Russell: And he just ke- He just keeps telling me about you owing him $80.
Guy: No, I don't owe anybody any money.
Buk Lau: Uh, please man [indistinctive]
Guy: And I don't even know who it is, is it Vietnamese or Chinese
Buk Lau: You know me man, come on it's me right, like Don. Right?
Guy: Okay, I can hear him in the background, he sounds like the guy that called me!
Buk Lau: Please, come on and just tell them I'm not crazy, please! [stuttering] Can you tell them please?
Buk Lau: Don I have to get out of here man, like -
Buk Lau: They're keeping me here until you tell them, right?
Guy: I who you - I don't have any idea who that guy is so you keep them.[laughing]
Buk Lau: Come on man! Like, that's so rude right? Like -
Buk Lau: How you gonna throw up in my car and keep me locked up? Have a heart!
Russell: Uh- Sir, sit down!
Tyrone: Hey sit your ass down boy! Abdo: Brother, stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Abdo: Sit down!
Guy: It sounds - it sounds -
Buk Lau: Please! Tell them I'm not crazy man! Please like I-
Buk Lau: I just need someboodee to help me, c-c-can you pick me up please?
Russell: Uh - sir, calm down, we're gonna have to pull out the tranquilizer
Russell: Calm down! [phone call ends]
Russell: Hello sir? I'm very sorry about that... Hello?
Buk Lau: Duh, hello? The video is not done yet!
Buk Lau: We have another call coming up right now!
Buk Lau: And subscribe and share the video, so more people see it!
Tyrone: Hey, I've been waiting outside for like ten minutes now man like, are you coming or what?
Guy: Who you're talking too?
Tyrone: This is the Uber driver. Like I've been outside just waiting for a pick up and like -
Tyrone: So I'm just - I don't know, here and I just, I'm hoping you can come outside soon. How much more time you need?
Guy: I never called Uber.
Tyrone: All I'm saying is unfortunately because he - like they gonna make you responsible for a payment.
Tyrone: You know what I'm saying? It's about [indistinctive]
Guy: Oh, they're not. If you do this, I'm gonna get you in trouble.
Tyrone: Okay, I'ma get you in trouble too, I'ma blacklist you right now.
Tyrone: Like, if you gonna try get me in trouble -
Guy: Why don't you do that?!
Guy: Why don't you do that!
Tyrone: Watch. I'ma do it right now. Because you change your mind doesn't mean you can just back out - [phone call ends]
Russell: [laughing] God, what is this?
[phone ringing]
Guy: You're now speaking to the captain of the police.
Tyrone: Sir, you're the same damn dude, just trying to change your voice.
Guy: You're harrassing and we're gonna - we're gonna follow this trace here and -
Tyrone: You the same person man, come on - [phone call ends]
Russell: [laughing] Actually, dude, couldn't be better.
[phone ringing]
Russell: Uh, this is Russell, calling with Uber support. How're you doing today sir?
Russell: We have a gold star driver who said he waited 45 minutes for you
Russell: after being instructed repeatedly to -
Guy: Okay, you can say what you want, and I won't use you again if this is how I'm being treated.
Russell: Well don't worry sir, you are banned for the next month so, you know...
Russell: It's not gonna be a problem.
Guy: Well that's fine! I don't ever wanna use your services again and I'm not gonna pay any charges.
Russell: Did you by any chance impersonate a police officer for this driver?
Guy: He called me the fifth time, I did!
Russell: He did tell us -
Guy: And man, can I finish? Will you let me?!
Russell: Yes. Go ahead.
Guy: He called me on [censored] number, then I blocked that number,
Guy: then he called on another [censored] number, then I hung up and blocked that number
Guy: then he called back on that 2 9 0 number area code, and I blocked that number -
Guy: Then he called me on a fourth number!
Russell: We do have the driver here on the line, he wanted to figure out what was going on
Tyrone: Sir I've been listening this entire time and like it's so frustrating to hear the way you been
Tyrone: like lying and spreading this lies sir.
Tyrone: I was trying to pick you up for a very long time yesterday.
Guy: Why are you calling me? I don't want Uber, I'm not gonna pay for Uber, I hope I get blacklisted forever.
Guy: [choking]
Russell: Sir I will have to extend the ban for another month if you keep raising your voice [phone call ends]
Russell: [laughing] Oh my God...